Confusing feelings

This is about feelings that are coming up in therapy, but it's not about romantic or sexual feelings FOR my T. I think there's a difference. I don't think it belongs in that subforum. I don't fantasize about her or anything like that. It's just that we are exploring my feelings of wanting therapy forever, and how I get good feelings from my T.

Somehow, we got to where I wanted her to hold my hand and she is fine with that. It feels safe and healing to me. We're exploring my feelings about it and why it gets me stirred up, emotionally and sexually. Therapy does that to me, but I never want sex with my Ts. It's more about nurturing.

I told T how I feel so we're working on it. I even told her I was afraid she wouldn't let me hold her hand because it might feel sexual. She seems to think it's important, and where I am is okay right now. It's just so weird! I want to feel that good in RL but I don't. T wants me to get those needs met by others. I do have a husband!

It's just so confusing for me. I used to wonder if I was gay because I got those aroused feelings from therapy. But I know I'm not, and that's not what it's about.

T thinks it's a case of getting my wires crossed when I was little. I just wish I could get them uncrossed!

Hi Rainbow8
I think I know how you are feeling, and maybe with me telling you this it might help in some way. I was one of these person that never liked to have hugs, touches, etc. without having some of my alters go crazy inside. But when I fount the right therapist, she had to sometimes restraining some of my littles from hurting themself, her office, window etc. Once they realized that her touches didn't hurt, the whole system seems to want the physical touch from the T. Now haven't been with a T for sometime and I can find that some of my alters and even myself long for the safeness of touch really miss getting that touch from my T. It's not a sexual feeling but a longing for the touching with safety. Maybe there is something with in you that might long for safe feeling you can get from someone, like a T. My child hood was where touches always hurt most of the time, and our family wasn't a "touching" affection while I was growing up. So is that something you might be feeling?