Bi... but not biSEXUAL

Miracle1986 · Sep 10, 2010, 12:20 PM

Is it possible to be bi, but not necessarily bisexual???
... I am asking, because I am married to a man, and have a girlfriend.
Both of whom I love dearly. I love them with all my heart, but part of me feels like I am asexual.
It is next to impossible for me to get turned on, and on the rare occasions that I do, I lose it at the drop of a hat.
I have a very strong emotional connection to my girlfriend, and am currently working on my connection to my husband.
I love to cuddle, hold hands, kiss, etc... all the romantic stuff, but the act of sex is just something that... I am not really into.

What the hell is wrong with me? Am I just lying to myself to think that we can have meaningful relationships with almost non-existent sex?

Travelinglady · Sep 12, 2010, 01:40 PM

Well, first of all, I would suggest that you talk to a therapist about your situation. I'm not saying that you're "crazy," of course--just that you're obviously concerned and not happy with the way things are. A professional would be able to get more at the source of your situation and be able to offer ways that you can work on it.

I do think that women are just more emotionally attuned to each other. In fact, I've read that married women still do really need female friends for their emotional happiness...In fact, this statement might bring up some interesting dialogue, but I've heard that men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love. (I somehow thought that might be relevant here....)

I'm glad to hear that you and your husband are working on feeling closer. Are you two seeing a counselor together?

Maybe some other people will chime in soon. Hey, people, someone else help out here! Thanks!

MandiePoo · Sep 14, 2010, 04:15 PM

You know.. I don't think anything is wrong with that. I had a similar conversation via a blog i comment on. Let me share my post. it was on whether love trumps not having sex.

She had said:

Quote:

Love trumps all... even sexuality?

Bi... but not biSEXUAL

17:55 |

Posted by ToughxCookies | Bi... but not biSEXUAL

Edit Post

One of the things that I love about being passionate about something, is when that passion brings you closer to people with the same passion; that you form an instant bond. I've a few of these, and I've been lucky enough to meet a lot of amazing people through these means. There's one, in particular, that I'd like to share with the ToughXCookies readers.

I've met a woman who is in a long-term relationship with another woman. We got to talking about the relationship and she eventually said "See, the thing is, I'm not a lesbian." Hmm. Interesting, right? Especially considering she has been in a relationship with a woman for the better part of a decade, and still identifies as straight. Her girlfriend, she also informed me, identifies as asexual.

So, how do you make a relationship last so long when neither person involved is attracted to women? Is it a case of mistaken sexual orientation, companionship, or a love-trumps-all situation? In this particular case, I really can't say because I don't know the ins and outs of the relationship, but the idea really struck me.

Do you think it's possible to maintain such a relationship? If you aren't attracted to women, but fall in love with one, can it last? I can only imagine the emotional and mental turmoil that could cause a person.

(since it is a public blog and ok to share - as is requested of us on fb, i just showed it as it was)

And then I replied:

Quote:

I said... Indeed i do think this is not only possible but that it happens far more frequently than one might think.

Think of a straight relationship that has been together for decades - they rarely if ever have sex, which is just their particular style of relationship. Perhaps they are not even attracted to each other anymore. Perhaps they themselves have become asexual. Yet, they stay together, are happy with each other, and are reasonably satisfied with the relationship.

Some would say is this still defined as a romantic relationship? Of course it is, if they love each other romantically. Does it always work out healthily - hell no! This situation can definetly lead to some very unhealthy feelings, but it can also work the opposite - leading to a relationship where both parties feel they have had their sexual heyday, and are satisfied to just relax without that pressure and love each other emotionally.

I think its impossible to judge this one like you say, without knowing the couple better and pretty much being their couples therapist to know what their dynamic(THATS the word i was trying to think of) is.

I personally am bisexual, but before I came out often fell in love with people I was not necessarily attracted to sexually. I think one can occur without the other.

The question here is are both parties satisfied with the way things are? If yes, then there you go - it works. If no, then thats just another type of relationship problem which needs to be worked out, much like many other types.

Menu

Bi... but not biSEXUAL

My Support Forums