[Malachite]

What impact, has becoming orgasmic in adulthood had on your life? This question is directed at women who were previously in-orgasmic throughout adolescence, into adulthood, and have now become orgasmic.

Please Note: I have posted this question, so I may bring the responses to the attention of an in-orgasmic, female friend. My mission, is for her to pursue becoming orgasmic. However, please don't let my intent influence your response, i.e., feel free to relate any negative impact; you have experienced.

[hanners]

ooh, I'd like to know more about this, I've been in-orgasmic for about 2 years since I had vaginal reconstruction surgery, and I miss being able to come! I can get myself close, but can't quite make it over the hill yet... if anyone has any tips I'd love to hear them.

[Evening]

Adulthood? I was 17!

[Malachite]

Dear Hanners,

The re-constructive surgery, may have very well impacted vaginal nerve endings. However, the nerve endings most sensitive in a woman, i.e., most readily producing orgasm are those of the clitoris. The clitoris, ordinarily, does not receive much stimulation during coitus, in contrast to cunnilingus or digital stimulation. Consider cunnilingus with your partner, or clitoral masturbation.

Generally speaking, I have found women to be more orgasmic during coitus when they were first brought to orgasm via cunnilingus. Also, some women prefer sexual positions allowing them to digitally stimulate their clitoris during coitus.

Lastly, you may find taking several grams of the amino acid arginine beneficial. It promotes circulation, bringing more blood to the genitals, as well as everywhere else. It is the core ingredient to many, if not all, of the "natural sexual enhancement products", you may have seen advertised.

I wish you the best,

Larry

[salukigirl]

Personally I cannot reach orgasm without penetration. Never have been able to. I don't think it's the feeling as much as feeling close to my partner.

I had my first orgasm at 17 also. It was like....it felt good and all.....but then I actually had one.....I'll never go back! And now that I'm almost 24 I have discovered exactly what has to happen for me to get there.

I think it's all about experimentation. Masturbation allows you to discover your own body and what you like. How are you supposed to have someone else get you there if you can't do it yourself, y'know?

[Malachite]

Dear Evening,

Under what circumstances did you attain your first orgasm, was it by masturbation, or did you have a partner?

Larry

[Malachite]

Dear SalukiGirl

When you say penetration, do you mean coitus, or any act of sexual penetration, e.g., digital penetration. Also, are you saying you cannot be brought to orgasm via cunnilingus. And, your first orgasm was a function of coitus, i.e., you did not masturbate to orgasm before you were 17?

[bebop]

one thing with women is that we need alot of foreplay. I think the key for me in any kind of sex is relaxation. the more relaxed the stronger the orgasm

I was inorgasmic in young adulthood. I didn't become orgasmic until I was about 28. It came through regular sex and not clitoral stimulation. It was different than the previous eight years with my husband. This first time came with a new relationship where by the guy was very sexually mature and understanding. I had oral sex with him first which was a huge barrier remover for me. I actually puked all over him from being bulimic for so many years. But instead of then rejecting me he understood and comforted me. Those things made the intimacy between us intense. That helped in creating the orgasmic experience along with using a different sexual position that I had never tried before. I guess in other words I was extremely attracted to him where I wasn't that attracted to my husband.

[Sunna]

I didn't know that I was missing anything, sex was just boring, mostly, except for maybe the first 5 minutes, but I would stick with it for the sake of the man. When at the age of 44 someone had a nerve to tell me I was non-orgasmic I felt awful, angry at him, and in full blown denial. While he was not interested in "making me" orgasmic - he was of opinion that is something I must discover by myself and take responsibility for my orgasm myself (I found that outrageous too, took me long time to acknowledge he was right), he did tell me about sexual education (not the kind about birds and bees we do for kiddlies).
So, fuming, I eventually sought that out, and it opened my eyes. I found that there are distinctly different genital types of men and women, and we each have quite different way of "getting there". The mainstream mythology has it that EVERY woman needs LOOOOONG foreplay and will enjoy long slow lovemaking. That was why I haven't been orgasmic most my life. I was not everywoman. More than 50% of women are not that everywoman, really.

As to the impact of this on me? Since I was already 5 years past menopause (been "done" with it at age of 39) and have markedly un-attractive obese body, not a whole lot sexually speaking. I gained a lot of self-knowledge. It contributed to my growth tremendously. By finding a sister-hood connection with other women, and sensing/seeing the same brother-hood of men it helped me to heal some of my gender-wounds.

And since you seem to be asking for hints of how she may want to go about her self-discovery, technically speaking, what I learned is what I have not been doing in my non-orgiastic love-makings was using what is know commonly as Kegels. Contracting the muscles, and relaxing, running breath through it and building energy. In fact there is a technique where a person (much easier for women than men) can orgasm without anything or anyone touching their body.

[deliquesce]

im curious if this is something she would like to pursue, or if it is something you would like her to pursue (and if indeed you have a sexual relationship with her). i have never been inorgasmic but having an orgasm isn't terribly important to me when i'm with a partner (if it happens, then great, but i'm not upset if it doesnt happen). i do find that being pressured into it (or just having the other person think it's an important part of sex) is a surefire way to kill it.