a story. how do u get ppl off your mind?

So, I was a little tipsy at a party in my college apartment...
but, my roomate was just flat out drunk, for the most part.
she seemed not all there.
anywho.... i've been trying to convince myself that I am straight for sooo long but, when stuff like this happens, its like i would be naive to think any different...

nothing too bad happened between me and her
just foreplay i guess, touching
but, the crazy thing is when she left a guy who liked me walked in the room
and me and him did things that we're a lot worse but, still very similar

and i don't give a damn about me and him
i can't stop thinking about my roomate.
because it was like, we didn't do enough
it was like a tease...
in a way and now i can't get my roomate out of my head
i keep thinking about being with her
ughh

idk, i have an appt with my therapist but, can't stand keeping this inside.
the crazy thing is her fiance was watching me and her the whole time...
and contrary to popular belief, he didn't like that we we're so touchy feely with eachother, he wanted to protect her but, she kept telling him to go away and me, along with being tipsy...it was kind of hard to focus on anything going on around me, when i had my eyes on her...
couldn't focus on anything else
but, her fiance is the reason i think it didn't go as far as it could have...

blah, its kind of wierd, cuz i like my roomate....but, shes engaged
and i dont even want to like her
but, how crazy is it that i was with a guy after that,
and in fact, i feel ashamed about him and i don't even care
all i can think about is her
sigh***
how do u get people off of your mind?
blah

It sounds like you are experimenting and getting to know yourself. And liking both guys and girls is not uncommon - I've been there myself.

I'm sorry to hear that she is engaged and it's not likely to become something serious between the 2 of you.
Do you think you are attracted to women in general, just some women, or only your room-mate?
I've never been interested in women, but had such a deep connection with a friend of mine, that things also went further. I have never thought of another woman - and am now with my boyfriend of 5 years (on and off).

I learnt a lot about myself.

Speaking to a T is a great idea; it gives you someone else's perspective and also a platform to just share and not feel as if you are going through this alone.

no, i like women..not just her...... in the sense, i am attracted to them, i try not to get emotionally involved and i succeed for the most part but, sexually...i just rather be with a woman...even emotionally, in some ways but, not really...i think a man is better with dealing with my emotions and stuff. its very confusing.

yeah, its like my first heartbreak, i usually never feel heartbreak because i've never been in a relationship but, with her...
it like really upset me that we can't go further or grow closer. ugh.