[WetLaundry]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years. We've been living together for the majority of the time. I really appreciate what he has brought into my life. He's a very good soul and I am extremely lucky to feel like I'm in a stable relationship where I am appreciated and cared for, and (I think at least) that we both trust each other completely. I love taking care of him and providing him with all the respect he deserves.
My issue is that I am 22 years old, and I feel like I have no sex drive. But now I'm beginning to wonder if I have no sex drive for him. I can safely say that we have had sex, perhaps about 10 times in the past year. About two or three months we did spend apart, but don't people have sex 10 times in a week, sometimes? When I first met him, it wasn't much of an issue, but then again, new things are always exciting. I'm not sexually attracted to him. I think he's "cute". Really, he is a handsome guy and I shouldn't complain. His body is a bit sloppy and I tend to pay attention to physical fitness more than he, but I feel like most girls are pre-occupied with their looks much more than men are.
I don't want to let a relationship go that is so good just because I don't think he's hot. On the other end, I have to wonder how on earth he's stayed with me for such a long time when time after time I just "don't feel like it". I want to be hot for him! He deserves it. What is going on with me, and what should I do?

[einundzwanzig]

You cant make your self feel something just because you think its right...i understand you want to be hot for him, but don't force the feeling... if its meant to come it probably would have by now. honest, maybe he would make a better friend, than a boyfriend. i dated a man for a while, he was over twice my age... beside the point, but at the beginning i was more attracted to him, but realized i was attracted to his intellect, hes a computer engineer, and it wasnt so much that he was hot, realized we would make better friends, than dating. just do what feels right, im 22 by the way (ya i know my user name is 21 in German, i meant it that way =) but as you know relationships are complicated, it will work out, things allways seem to in the end, if meant to be.

wish you the best.

21

[salukigirl]

10 times in a week.........I would shoot myself. You are being extremely hard on yourself. On the other hand....if you don't have the spark - you don't have it. Has there ever been a time where you just couldn't take your hands off him?

My bf is a little overweight and is - for lack of a better word - hairy lol. He's got the little patches on his shoulders and such. But I still feel sexually attracted to him. It's not all about physical appearance. I have been extremely physically attracted to men that probably weren't considered "hot" to a lot of girls. Just like I have been turned off by men who others would consider hot, but I didn't like something about them.

Sounds like you don't have a connection there. I'd re-evaluate the relationship, if I were you.

Originally Posted by WetLaundry

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years. We've been living together for the majority of the time. I really appreciate what he has brought into my life. He's a very good soul and I am extremely lucky to feel like I'm in a stable relationship where I am appreciated and cared for, and (I think at least) that we both trust each other completely. I love taking care of him and providing him with all the respect he deserves.
My issue is that I am 22 years old, and I feel like I have no sex drive. But now I'm beginning to wonder if I have no sex drive for him. I can safely say that we have had sex, perhaps about 10 times in the past year. About two or three months we did spend apart, but don't people have sex 10 times in a week, sometimes? When I first met him, it wasn't much of an issue, but then again, new things are always exciting. I'm not sexually attracted to him. I think he's "cute". Really, he is a handsome guy and I shouldn't complain. His body is a bit sloppy and I tend to pay attention to physical fitness more than he, but I feel like most girls are pre-occupied with their looks much more than men are.
I don't want to let a relationship go that is so good just because I don't think he's hot. On the other end, I have to wonder how on earth he's stayed with me for such a long time when time after time I just "don't feel like it". I want to be hot for him! He deserves it. What is going on with me, and what should I do?

10 times a year is not a lot but 10 times a week is a bit excessive unless you are a really new couple...IMO
Every couple finds their own happy medium in that department.

Do you enjoy it when you do have it?
Maybe your bf needs to be better at turning you on? Not only does he deserve it but you also deserve a happy and fulfilling sex life.

I can't imagine being with someone I wasn't attracted to for the long term but sometimes there are physical things that could cause lack of sex drive. I would go see the gynecologist and see if there is a physical reason for the lack of sex drive, or perhaps if you are on medication that affects your drive.

[madisgram]

you may have some physiological reasons for your low libido. i'd discuss this with your GP.

[smilamontana]

Thyroid, hormonal imbalances can also cause low libido you may want to discuss this with your doctor. It may be a health concern instead of an attraction problem just a thought.

[nicoleb2]

10 times a week would kill me! I don't think I have ever had sex more than 5 times in a week...