I've never had a serious relationship. I'm not particularly attracted to men, like, the ideal of a 'fit' male with 6pack and big muscles does nothing for me. There are men that I do find attractive, but I think I base this more on personality traits that I find adorable. I guess my 'perfect guy' would be a traditional 'gentleman' type like Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones, or Edward Cullen in Twilight -- not that I'm setting the bar too high, or anything I'm not hung up on looks, I swear! It's the personality! The thing that bothers me about the typical men I meet is that they tend to be shallow or sleazy, only after one thing, and obsessed with great boobs/butt/legs - and I'm not the perfect girl. I have self-esteem issues, and am not comfortable with my body, therefore I feel I couldn't go out/casually hook up with someone I think will judge me purely on that basis. I want someone to love ME for my personality.

I often joke that I wish I were gay - but I don't think I am. I love women, though. I do check girls out, but I think it's more of a 'I wish I looked like that' rather than 'I want to have sex with that.' I find womens personalities more desirable, too, though. I'm fascinated by women (I don't think I've ever been 'fascinated' by a man) that I perceive as being 'strong' and independent - typically older women. Meryl Streep, Hillary Clinton... again, more like I look up to them and see them as role models rather than a sexual thing. There are also women I admire and like to emulate -- Angelina Jolie for example, Gillian Anderson, Mariska Hargitay in Law & Order. Again, all 'strong' women rather than just pretty.

I don't think I'm asexual either, I just think I haven't met the right person? I guess I have the romantic view that one day I'll just lock eyes with someone across a room and sparks will fly. I'm assuming this is somewhat unrealistic, though...?

I feel quite abnormal.
Anyone relate?

At this rate I'm going to be one of those old ladies with lots of cats.

[ivory_benz]

ok hun, it doesnt sound like your "gay" at all. I know its hard to find someone. Like I'm gay and havent had a relationship in a long time with a guy. Keep looking and something will come your way, either through your friends or at a party or something like that. Now for that female part, I agree with what your saying, yes they are role models to you, from what you said, I see nothing sexual towards females at all. no attraction but if you do fancy females, by all means, go out and get yourself one. nothing wrong with being "bi" or "gay" you know? dont let people tell you any different. Reason why its hard for me to come out is cus of my high school growing up, people always put me down for being gay but I never told anyone, they just knew. and from that, makes it difficult for me to come out to anyone cus I think everyone is homophobic. Just remember one though. Be yourself and things will come to you.

[RomanSunburn]

I'm a straight female, and I just want to say (for me) that the female body is so much more attractive to look at than a man's. I think when we're young, we like to put labels on ourselves because it makes fitting in easier. I think a lot of teenagers and young adults, boys and girls, go through a phase where they have to say whether or not their straight, gay, bi, what have you, when in reality, it's A) not necessary, and B) not usually 100% accurate.

I'm also kind of the same way as you in regards to guys. When I was in high school, and even today, I had a lot of trouble telling whether or not a guy was hot. My friends would all be drooling and I'd be like "eh." In fact, I never thought my fiance was the best looking thing to walk the planet until after we had been dating for probably about two years (meaning, the more I got to know him and love him, the more attractive he became, not that he was ever unattractive... if that made sense?). Though, I think I also started being able to pick out guys I found attractive around that time too, lol (James McAvoy? Yes please! But only in period dress, a la Becoming Jane. You should also check out Pride and Prejudice if you like Bridget Jones... The similarities are uncanny ). And another side note about my fiance? The first memory I have of seeing him was "I could have a crush on him."

I agree with the above poster -- just be yourself. Don't worry about labels, or fitting in, or any of it. Just take it day by day and be you. Good luck