[postposturing]

hi everybody. i found this forum because spending time with my family over the holidays is bringing up some issues for me and i dont know how to deal with them.

im in my thirties. i have short hair and am a woman who likes women. ive had several meaningful relationships with women over the years, so in that way i feel stable in my sexuality, but my family is very catholic and not supportive. to make matters worse the family always tells me how to dress, suggests (strongly) that i grow my hair out. they're not supportive of my sexuality, which i can deal with, but they're even less supportive of my appearance. i know that i'm a woman, i feel feminine even though i dress on the butch side. i don't identify as butch, but even my straight friends make comments about how im not a real girl. my siblings tease me because i dont wax my eyebrows or my lip.

after thanksgiving dinner with my family i feel ugly and ashamed. my nephew (who is only six) doesn't understand that i'm not a man and my sister doesn't seem to do much about it but laugh. i've never talked to anyone about how much pain this causes me. i feel too embarrassed about my naturally flat chest and dark hair on my upper lip. i don't know what to do.

[likewater]

((((Postposturing)))) you ARE a woman. David Bowie is a man and wears makeup. I wear my bfriends clothes a lot. On those days, am i magically a man? Is Fabio a woman because of his long hair? Or Slash from guns and roses? Give me a break. I'm sorry your family wants you to be Barbie. If you ask me Barbie is pretty boring. Ever wonder why she ends up with marker stains and a haircut. Most
kids think she needs more personality too.
Your family is just going to have to learn how to deal. They need a serious education on how loving a person means loving them not judging

[postposturing]

Thank you. I thought I had worked through these issues. I thought I found confidence but I guess not. I don't know how to be okay with myself when my friends and family judge me. I need new friends I guess.

[Pandoren]

(((hugs)))

Sounds like you got a rough deal, sorry to hear that

You need one thing to be a woman, imo; belief that you are. No matter what you look like or what you do or don't do to your body, you haven't stopped being a woman just because other people think that way. I second everything lifewater said.

If you want to change your appearance... to pad a bra or wax a lip or anything to take away the embarassment... then do it for you and not because other people are being nasty. If you don't, and you want to be proud of your own self and you like what you see when you look in the mirror, then stuff them. Your nephew will grow up a bit before you know it. Maybe you could even tell him yourself that some women do have short hair.

I hope you feel better about it all soon.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by postposturing

even my straight friends make comments about how im not a real girl.

You can't do much about your family, I'm afraid, but I would expect better treatment from your friends.

[Ygrec23]

It's tough being tough. It's hard to harden oneself against nasty family and offensive "friends" (who can't possibly be real friends).

Do any of the people you associate with accept you for what you are, how you are, how you feel you want to be? Even if there's only one, that's a real friend and a start. You might want to think about having Thanksgiving with that real friend next year. And finding other real friends.

I'm sure it's really uncomfortable to hang around with people who don't like you as you really are. Do you need that discomfort? As has already been said in this thread, you can't choose your family <sigh>, but you can choose your friends.

You can send your family a message, though, by not showing up next year for the holidays. They'll ask why, probably on the phone, and you can tell them. It's their choice. As you are or not at all. Most families would prefer you as you are rather than not at all.

Take good care of yourself, postposturing!

[CantExplain]

Hi PP!

May I ask (based on your user name) what kind of posturing it is that you don't do any more?