[Crew]

I feel as though I am A sexual and having a hard time dealing with this fact.

Any help out there?

Crew

[notz]

((((Crew)))))))

I wish I knew what to say. Love to you, my friend

[greylove]

Oh, Crew. Just want to acknowlege that I've read your post. Words aren't coming to me, except that I want you to know you're not all alone. You've got us! And I wanted to tell you, too, that I'm so glad your computer is fixed! I was wondering where you were and missing you big time! I hope you get the help you're looking for, friend. Hugs and ......grey

[likewater]

I feel like Notz. I wish i knew what to say. I'm here for you and I care. If you are asexual, that's 100%, completely ok. What about possibly being asexual is bothering you?

[roads]

Crew, I don't know you at all, but I'm sorry you feel so alone. If you don't long for a sexual relationship, that doesn't mean no relationships. I've known people who've found intense friendships as strong as any society-approved "marriage" & often longer lasting. Sex wasn't the keystone. I don't know how long you've lived with this discovery or how sure you are, but it needn't isolate you if it is so. You wouldn't be the only asexual person in the world. I know 3 for sure & don't actually get around to such things in table talk 99.9% of the time--probably know considerably more.

Roadrunner

[googley]

((((((((((((Crew))))))))))))

Are you saying that you feel asexual because you don't think you will ever be in a relationship or because you don't want to be in a relationship? Those are two very different things. I know you are having a really hard time right now. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Crew ))))))))))))))

[Pandoren]

Carrying on from the other thread you spoke in, what makes you think you might be asexual?

Whatever the case, you could always check out information on asexuality on the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (I'd better not mention them again for a while, feel like I'm starting to spam lol) and there is a community there too, so if you really do feel you are asexual after finding out about everything, or need people to talk to while you think through the process, you might find friends at the very least on that site. There are hundreds of asexuals active in a memberbase of tens of thousands. Some of those are even in relationships and even got married from meeting on AVEN. Asexuality does not mean you have to be alone.

As I said on the other thread, and Googley has made connection to above, feeling like you aren't good enough, or will never be successful, or no one will ever like you, does not make a person asexual. They can be feelings created by a person being asexual though, since you can feel that you can never have a mutually fulfilling relationship if the other person desires sexual acts and you don't, or if society batters you down so much that you decide to shy away, but in themselves it may just mean that you need to work on your self-esteem and get some strength back.

Either way, I hope you feel better about yourself soon.

[ZilchHour]

Again words fail me as I don't know what to say the way you're feeling. I wish you to be well and right. And no matter how you feel, just remember that I respect you, admire you and like you because you are YOU and not anyone else. There's nothing wrong the way you feel about yourself and it's not about right and wrong either. What matters is that you should feel comfortable and be yourself! My best wishes and prayers for you as always!

Originally Posted by Crew

I feel as though I am A sexual and having a hard time dealing with this fact.

Any help out there?

Crew

[Crew]

It'sd not that I care to have sex, I just want to be able to meet someone at a
Deep place of understanding, that conversations can be just as intense as having sex.

I just want to be with someone who cares to be cared for and vice versa. I listen to many people saying I look like a man. Now that would be okay if I were okay with that however I am not okay looking like a man. I am a woman with all the mess that comes with that. I wish I were a guy. Too many emotions with being a girl. and where these emotions come from is way beyond me and yet they are coming out of me.

I know this doesn't make sense. I just don't want to be alone so I am asking
"Mother Earth or God," to bring love to me and no not so much sexually. I just want that part to be 50/50 not 3/97.....
I don't know what A sexual exactly is other then no go neither sex. I can see myself in a relationship...I just need it to be soon. I've waited 15 years being a ***** with the ex-T I had seen. I feel all used up, who would want me now? I don't feel this has anything to do with self-esteem however I have been wrong before. seriously.
Thanks to you guys that just wants to be there and that is awesomely cool!
Hats off to some great people here. Crew

hey, Crew. From my understanding, asexuality is when you do not desire to have sex with either a man or a woman because there is no attraction to either gender. You mention having a 15-year relationship with an ex-T - you don't give their gender (if you don't mind, it would help to know for this thread but I really don't want to pressure you to answer if you don't want to; however, it would seem that you DO find either men or women attractive and, therefor, do not seem to be asexual). I think you may have brought up the subject of asexuality because you fear not finding another lover. Also, you seem worried that you appear more masculine than feminine. Still, I've seen masculine women in relationships with men and I've also seen masculine women in relationships with women. So, both are feasible. What really matters is that you DO find one of the sexes attractive and are capable of a long-term relationship as previously demonstrated.

Just because you were in a 15-year relationship with an ex-T does not make you a "*****" (your term, not mine; frankly, I am upset and concerned with its use here). The end of a long-term relationship is always traumatic, especially when you look back at it as a mistake. However, being in a long-term relationship is actually a good track record and I believe it will make you more desirable to someone else also seeking a long-term relationship.

You now are free to meet someone new who shares your long-term relationship values. You state you are looking for someone "soon" but to rush into things might not be the best thing to do. You need to find someone with similar values who will treat you well so that you do not feel down and out if the relationship sours. Maybe your last relationship was really just a warm-up for finding your true love. It's time to have a real life with a true love who, like you, is in it for the long-term. You have years of experience to help guide you. Like 15+ years ago when you met your ex, put the chin up, the shoulders back, spruce up the hair - you recall the routine - and go out and relationship shop. Like grocery shopping, you have to make up your "want" list - they should be employed, have a track record of long-term relationships like you, find you attractive and vice-versa. It's really scary - you have not done this in a long time. But, this time is different. You have experience on which to base your shopping that you did not have before. Use that experience to make a better decision this time. I hope this helps. All the best to you!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Crew

It'sd not that I care to have sex, I just want to be able to meet someone at a
Deep place of understanding, that conversations can be just as intense as having sex.

I just want to be with someone who cares to be cared for and vice versa. I listen to many people saying I look like a man. Now that would be okay if I were okay with that however I am not okay looking like a man. I am a woman with all the mess that comes with that. I wish I were a guy. Too many emotions with being a girl. and where these emotions come from is way beyond me and yet they are coming out of me.

I know this doesn't make sense. I just don't want to be alone so I am asking
"Mother Earth or God," to bring love to me and no not so much sexually. I just want that part to be 50/50 not 3/97.....
I don't know what A sexual exactly is other then no go neither sex. I can see myself in a relationship...I just need it to be soon. I've waited 15 years being a ***** with the ex-T I had seen. I feel all used up, who would want me now? I don't feel this has anything to do with self-esteem however I have been wrong before. seriously.
Thanks to you guys that just wants to be there and that is awesomely cool!
Hats off to some great people here. Crew

This sounds like a perfectly normal desire to be loved.