[confusedlt82]

Hi, I posted about this before, but then my fears went away when I decided I was just being silly, they stayed away for several weeks then came back, so let me try again but explain myself better as I think my earlier explaination was poor.

I stumbled across some information on the internet about transsexuality: specifically that transsexuals are sometimes in denial about their identity for a long time. I began to panic, worrying that I could be transsexual. Here's why:

• I have a sexual fetish for wearing a bra (this is a sexual thing only I assumed was simply a tranvestic fetish and nothing more)
• I have an obsession with women to the point I consider them better than me
• I am occationally curious about what it would be like to be a woman
• I prefer some steriotypical female things over some steriotypical male things

I should point something out though. Until I began researching online, none of the above bothered me too much, it's stuff I'd accepted as part of who I am and I had NO thought of being transsexual. I am also a hypochondriac, I self-diagnose and spend a lot of time reading about things online and worrying that I have them (like Cancer) then I post on forums looking for more information and ask around about symptoms etc.

I managed to calm down for several weeks deciding it was nothing, just my hypochondria. But then I stumbled across a blog post by a trans woman about trans issues, which set me off on more research and thinking about more things about myself and I fell back in to anxiety.

So which am I? Transexual in denial... or simply transvestic fetish + other odd traits blown all out of proportion by hypochondria?

I don't think anyone here can answer your last question for you. Only YOU can answer that question.

It sounds like you need to do some research. Go out and hang with some transexuals and see how much you have in common with them. Ask questions. Then, hang with some male crossdressers and see how much you have in common with them. Do you want to have women's breasts or are you happy just wearing a bra? Do you dislike your male genitalia? You need to get off the computer and do some real world research.

[Pandoren]

My first thought is to point out there is a difference between someone who is transgender and someone who is transsexual. Someone who is transgender has a gender (between your ears) different to their sex (between their legs) but doesn't necessarily want to act on it. A transsexual person wants to, is, or has transitioned physically (although may drop the label once they have transitioned, believing it to no longer apply once their sex and gender match).

In other words, try not to panic. You don't have to change your body if you don't want to and that's ok. You don't even have to consider yourself a 'binary' gender/sex of male or female, but a combination of both if you want to.

As for your list, 1 is probably pretty common, 3 probably is as well, and 4 doesn't mean a thing- people put a lot of importance of stereotyping when they really shouldn't. Take pink- that's a stereotypical colour but has become widely used by homosexual men and I'm sure they feel perfectly male. Take purple- another stereotypical colour but it used to be an important status colour for Roman emperors. If you like it, have it.

I second Unhappy guy, only you can really answer that question. Deep inside yourself, what do you feel you are? Ignore whatever evidence you have to "confirm" your female-ness because it sounds to me like you are fishing for confirmation of something, and try to answer the question in your own gut. If you are a male who likes feminine things, then good for you. If you are, deep down, a woman, then I'm sure there are people who can help you work that out. If you feel you are androgynous (elements of both male and female) or some other non-binary combination that suits your gender more, then there are places to work through that too.

I hope you work yourself out soon

[confusedlt82]

I am perfectly happy with my male genitals unhappyguy, I need them for sex with women. I don't know if I want breasts, I fantasise about it a bit thou. To be able to be female for a little while then turn back when I get bored of it sounds liek fun.

I look deep down inside myself and come up with nothing but the idea that I'm probably just worrying over nothing because I know in the past I have paniced myself in to being unable to get out of bed use to imagined illnesses. But now that I know transsexuals can be in denial, how do I know I'm not?

I want confirmation that I'm NOT ever going to start feeling like I'm female and want to transisition or change my lifestyle. I want to be reassured that I'm a "normal" guy.

What do you think? Could I just be worrying over nothing? Do you think talking to a doctor would help?

[hanners]

Before I started my transition, I answered this question by exploring what it was that motivated me to dress up as female:
Was it the clothes? (not really)
Was it the sexual gratification? (didn't get any from it)
Was it looking pretty? (that was nice, but not important)
*Was it wanting to change my body? (yes, a big part of it)
Was it having a female identity? (woah, huge lightbulb moment here!)

Anyway, try asking yourself some of these questions, and see which ones light up for you, and you will have your answer, or at least be closer to one.

One parting thought: I've always thought of transition as being not about what gender you are, but who you are as a whole person. Everybody goes through various transitions in life trying to find out who they are; mine just happened to require that I change my gender in order to do that. I transitioned to be me, not to be a girl. It just so happened that that was the direction my transition took me. My identity is continually in transition; I've transitioned from a student to a professional web developer; I've transitioned from a mentally healthy person (or so I thought) to a person with Bipolar Disorder; I've transitioned from a passive person to an assertive one. I've transitioned from someone who made decent money, to someone who is extremely poor, and now I'm making the same transition in reverse.


*does not necessarily include all major body differences, including genitals. Many trans women opt not to grow their breasts too large, or choose to keep their male genitals.

[confusedlt82]

Thanks. My answers are different to yours and seem more fetish-like:

- Was it the clothes? (just bras mainly, I have to keep a bra in the house, some curiosity in some other clothes too like sexy tops thou I don't like to feel too exposed)
- Was it the sexual gratification? (yes, that's a big part of it)
- Was it looking pretty? (If I fantasise about being female, yes I would have to look pretty, if I were old/fat or otherwise unattractive it wouldn't be worth it, I only think about a girl who *I* think is pretty)
- Was it wanting to change my body? (Not so sure, I do dislike some aspects of my body, like weight, complexion etc, breasts would be fun, but I want to keep my penis, this question is too confusing because there's a lot of aspects to it)
- Was it having a female identity? (I don't think so, I feel slightly feminine sometimes, but female not really but could I still be in denial?)

I'm still a bit anxious thou. I keep seeking reassurance. Yes I know it sounds like I'm NOT transsexual, and I'm happy about being male, and these answers are as honest as I can be, but I'm anxious. What does denial feal like? How would I know? I still want to find out from a doc if it's posable for hypochondriacs like me to become preoccupied with mental/sexual things not just physical things? I've always worried about physical things in the past. Are there any docs on the forum who can comment on that?