Devastated

*Warning - details of a situation that might trigger*

Hi all...

So as some of you may know, i recently came out as bisexual after years of knowing that this was my true sexuality.

I decided the next step was to gradually come out to my friends and family and i thought maybe the best place to start was by opening up to my nearest and dearest friend. We have known each other so long i practically consider her a sister.

So this morning i sat down and told her...

And im just devastated by her reaction. She looked horrified for a couple of minutes and then just when speechless. I tried explaining to her that this is what ive known for a very long time it just took me a while to accept it and i wanted to tell her because i care about her and love her as my friend. She then just stood up and sneered at me; 'i never expected this from you, i mean i knew you were sick, just not like this...' i didn't know what to say i just gawped at her tearfully so she gathered up her stuff and stormed out.

I must have cried solidly for about 2 hours (not to mention the amount of SI this lead too later on) - i mean i never expected my coming out to be universally accepted but im just so sad about this. I love this girl dearly and as my oldest friend i really thought she understood me. I know i shouldn't just expect her to be comfortable with it - and i don't - but i must admit i thought she wouldn't be quite so angry...

i am respectful of her feelings though and im not mad at her im just scared ive lost her forever. I really hope she comes round and was just shocked - im gunna leave her for a while to come to terms with it but if she doesn't then i guess theres nothing more i can do

Sorry for the long post, i guess i just needed to vent - thanks for listening.

Bless your heart bb. I am so sorry.

Your friend's reaction was completely out of line...I am sorry she reacted that way. However, maybe once she has a little time to process what you've told her she'll come around. Her being shocked doesn't excuse her attitude towards you, but it might at least explain it.

I think you're right in your decision to leave her be for a bit. I do hope that you two can work things out.

Please take care bb. I hope things work out for you.

Bekki, I'm devastated for you--& don't worry, it's a short post considering what all happened.

After all the thought you gave to the coming-out & then to how to tell her, I can't imagine what that look on her face must have done to you. Giving her space is great for her, but I don't know that it offers much succor to you.

I sit here, searching for something to offer... but I'm coming up empty. What I think seems so mean, that you deserve a better friend.

You have been so brave in facing up to the fact that you were only letting part of the real you out in the world in the past.

Now that the total woman's engaged with life, the odds of finding a friend worthy of the title have gone way up--don't you think?

Take good, loving care of you. Let us help you any way we can.

Roadie

If your friend was already of the opinion that you are sick, then her coming to terms with your bisexuality would still not leave you with a healthy friendship, would it?

hi, bb - question: did your friend think, when you revealed your bisexuality, that you were interested is getting intimate with her? just a thought that's how she may have interpreted it.

((((((((bb))))))))

BB, sorry about this situation. One thing is for sure, you will find out once and for all how good a friend she really is. If she is as good as you thought, you can expect an apology for her reaction (sneering?....really). Thus, one danger in 'coming out.' Almost 50 years ago in college, I revealed my bisexuality with someone I thought was a friend. His reaction was similar and he even went so far as to 'spread the word' around to mutual acquaintances. I have been fearful, closetted and latent ever since, although unfulfilled. That has been a secret source of distress all of my adult life. I know you are distressed about the possibility of losing your best friend, but if she doesn't come back, apologize and make up you are better off without her. Best wishes.

Hi all, thanks for the kinds words - your all such sweethearts

I received a text from her this morning to say that she won't be contacting me again and that she's sorry its come to this. Im just lost for words really. I texted her back quickly to ask if there was anything i could do to better the situation and she just responded with; 'please don't text me anymore, i think its better for the both of us if we just finish this now.'



I feel so bad i can't even begin to tell you. For so many years i counted her as someone i would do anything for - and now she won't even talk to me. I think im gunna take a little break from here for a bit. Ill probably pop in periodically but i just wanna say thank you all so much for your support - your good people

" I know you are distressed about the possibility of losing your best friend, but if she doesn't come back, apologize and make up you are better off without her. Best wishes"

I am so sorry this happened to you. There is NOTHING wrong with you - I think you are very brave and I admire you for staying true to yourself.

Wow, her reaction is so strong. You don't deserve this. Had she mentioned her homophobia before?

Hi pbutton...I think her upbringing might have something to do with why she feels this way. She's always remained pretty ambiguous on the subject of same sex relationships - shes never openly expressed her opposition to it - as far as im aware - but i don't think its ever something she's shown support for either. Sexuality is a real hot button for some people, as is religion and politics etc i know her to be an opinionated person but for me, and im just speaking for myself here, i don't think issues like this should come between friends. Sure, it might mean you have less in common but as other people have said on here - if someone can't accept you for who you are then you probably best off without them. Its just going to take a little while to get over thats all...

That is horrible that she would react that way. I had a friend who came out about a year ago and she had the same types of thing happen to her. It was awful to have to see her go through that, but if a friend can't accept you because of your sexuality then they aren't really friends at all. I really hope you feel better

I agree with Dizzy. It's a shame though...I almost wish I could just sit her down and explain that this shouldn't change anything. I mean, you're the same person you were an hour before telling her. Why does a verbal acknowledgment of what's always been there suddenly flip everything on its head? :/

lol By the way Dizzy, Greenville? I live like a half hour from you.

(((Bb))) very sorry for your pain. Please stay safe. Being honest about who you are will open a new chapter in yout life and will invite prople in that will accept you. :-) hugs

Ya, Greenville is a very homophobic city unfortunately. The Gay Straight Alliance program at my school is usually brought up in conversation as the punchline of a bad joke

Maybe you need to move?

((((Bekki)))) *** ((((Bekki))))

two hugs for her 2nd rejection of you....

I'm sorry you've decided to take a break from us, if you found us supportive. Couldn't you use Wonderful Us now?

Tina Turner has a song called Something Beautiful Remains ... It goes something like this ...

Tears will leave no stain
Time will ease the pain
For every light that fades
Something beautiful remains

When I first came out, it hurt me so badly those friends and family that deserted me like I was diseased or something ... But, what touched me most was the ones who actually stuck by me ...

I'm hoping that as you grieve your losses, time will ease the pain you're currently feeling and that you will see all the beautiful people who've remained your friend regardless of who you are ...

Sincerely,
BrokenCloud

Wow. That is no friend at all, hon ... No friend at all. (((bekki)))

I'm guessing your friend is quite young. Maybe she has some underlying feelings for you and is afraid of that. Maybe she just has feelings for you as a friend but your sexuality confuses things in her head. Either way, you're not the one with the problem here. I think you dogged a bullet with this girl. She has issues of her own. Try and move on in life and be happy. There's nothing wrong with you.

You really have done NOTHING wrong - you are not responsible for how she reacted. Maybe she felt betrayed that you havent told her before (not your fault she feels that way). Her reaction was staggering and I cannot imagine why she responded so emphatically negatively to an honest admission from a friend who loves her.. I truly hope that firstly, this doesn't discourage you from being yourself and opening up with others, and secondly, that she gets in touch to reconcile her behaviour with you. You are a lovely woman - you have helped me so much on here. I truly hope that after she has time to process what you told her she will realise that there was nothing malevolent about your admission and will get in touch to reaffirm that you have done literally NOTHING wrong. Big hug sweetie xx

I sometimes think your too good to be true

Male UK said everything I think that needs to be said...you have done nothing at all wrong. You have no basis to feel like you have.

By the way...I have to ask, if I don't know who the guy on the left in your sig is, and I recognize Sookie (or Snookie...whatever) but I HATE Jersey Shores (keeping in mind I am 18 and the production value of the picture on the left looks about 1980's), am I what's wrong with the world? lol I got a laugh out of that.