How to tell my friends???

I think I'm bisexual, and i want to be able to talk about it with at least one or two of my friends, but I don't know how to tell them. They aren't homophobes or anything, but they're all straight and I don't know how they would respond. How do I tell them without having them freak out or take it the wrong way, or think I have a crush on them or something???? Help

I can't give you a simple answer or solution. I can tell you this, however. You are going to find out for sure who is a real friend and who is not. Been there, done that. I would urge caution.

Is there an LGBTQ group at your school? Have you talked to your T about this? Can she recommend any books or something? Do your friends talk about crushes, sex, etc? Is there someone you are particularly interested in? You might be better off talking about it with an actual prospective partner or at least someone who is also bi or gay, rather than with friends who may not understand?

Thanks, but that's my problem. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I don't know any gay or bi people. If I did I would talk to them, I wish I could.

Well...this is something I've never done or had done to me, so to speak, but I would think the best thing to do is just tell them. Just sit your friends down and explain that this is who you are. They might be a little shocked or surprised, but they need to understand that you're the same person now as you were a week ago.

Take care, and good luck.

Thank you guys for being so supportive

Would your advice change per the person's age? Mylife is like 13. I'm concerned she's setting herself up for bullying, just for questioning.

I'm aware that there are plenty of people who wouldn't accept me, but I'm not ready to tell everyone anyway. I want to tell one or two of my best friends for now who I know I can trust, because I think it would help to have a friend who I can be open about it with.

Would I change my advice? Well...I suppose I would alter it slightly, but I'm not sure I'd totally revoke it. I think it'd be okay to tell her two best friends, provided you're sure (lol addressing you now mylife. I'm having trouble working the pronouns here ) you can trust them. My only fear there would be if one doesn't accepts that and decides to spread it. That could pose a problem, certainly. But I think she has a point in wanting someone she can be open with about it.

So Mylife, at your age, I would tell you to be wise in who among your friends you decide to confide in, but if you feel you can trust them, I don't see a problem.

Of course, I would defer to someone who's been through the process of coming out, so I ask you take my advice with a grain of salt.

My advice first off would be avoid the term "bisexual" until you're sure. I'm not sure if this is as common as it used to be, but there's sometimes a trend of people (particularly younger girls) claiming to be bi just to be "cool" or get attention from guys. Please don't misunderstand, I am not saying this is what you're doing at all. I just want you to be able to confide in people and them take you seriously. Maybe describe it as questioning who you like? Now, if you're sure you're bisexual, it's ok to say it. Just be prepared for alot of misunderstanding and the possibility of having to explain that this is for real.

Do any of your friends have LGBT friends or family, specifically that they seem accepting of? If they do it would definitely be best to talk to one of those friends. If not, try to get some idea of how accepting they are of gay or bi people. Bring up a gay/bi celebrity, mutual friend, etc. and try to figure out their views from that. Good luck.

Mylife, I would urge you to be extremely careful about sharing this. I know that it is the "chic" thing to "come out" these days, but if it goes wrong you will be more miserable than you are now. I speak from experience. Nearly 50 years ago, in college, I made the mistake of hitting on a so-called "friend." Not only did he reject me, he told a number of others in our circle of "so-called friends" and as a result, I have felt ostracized and fearful ever since, even though I am a latent bisexual. I am afraid to visit my college for things like homecoming even because I fear running into some of those same people. All these years, I have feared the consequences of background investigations, etc. in my life's work. I have always wanted to have a trustworthy friend that I could count on as a lover and as a confidante. I have never had that luxury. But, I know to this day, that if I approached the wrong person the results would be worse. Don't mean to be a wet blanket, but there are worse things than being in the closet--IN MY EXPERIENCE.

I would be very scared about coming out at school. I would wait until university, as I would expect there to be much better support groups and you'd be making new friends anyway. I think university (or equivalent) is the accepted place to experiment and find yourself.

However, if you are determined to come out right away, I would still advise some caution. Frankly, I would do this in a cowardly and manipulative way!

I would start with a barefaced lie: "I've just found out my cousin is a lesbian. I don't know how I feel about that. What do you think?" You would find out a lot about your friends without committing yourself.

Your fictitious cousin is going to need a name, an age and a city to live in. ("I overheard my parents talking about it. I'm not supposed to know.") And word could get back to your parents, so it might blow up in your face. But coming out straight away is even riskier.

You know what, that's actually a really good idea, CantExplain. Ive been trying to think of a way to find out what my friends think about it without telling them straight out, and this would probably work out best, so I think I'll try that. Thanks

Mylife, in the meantime, can you talk to a teacher or an adult at school that you trust or who is GLB?

Something important to remember: sexuality is always-fluctuating. There were times in my life when I felt gay, straight, in between, and back again. Just know that however you feel is OK. Truly.

I'm a teacher and would be happy to help support you along the way ...

Thanks And no, there's really no one I can tall to. I don't really know any GLB people, and my parents are COMPLETELY out of the question. Let's just say they aren't very supportive of homosexuality. Thanks, though. I'm going to think this through and try to figure out where my friends stand, then hopefully tell them.

Mylifeisdepressing, I was quite certain when I was 14 that I was bisexual--only I didn't know there was a term for it. I knew I had been in love with a boy in seventh grade, but suddenly I felt what I was certain were (& quite probably were sexual stirrings for my eighth grade algebra teacher ... A certain Miss!

Remember that your friends are going to be waking up to these sorts of new, complicated, and sometimes amazing feelings themselves. It will be all they can do, perhaps, to deal with their own emotions. Can you really, in all fairness, ask them to help you sort out your own uncertainties?

Since you have no object of your affections in mind, I hope your will take these developing feelings to,a school counselor or--even better--a therapist if you are working with one or can arrange to see someone. I promise you, it's all very muc) a normal part of a young teen's growing-up experience.