[TheSilentEmpath]

Is male
and wishes he were born female with every fiber of his waking mind and body every single day.
Is logical and intelligent.
Is witty and charming.
Is handsome, adorable and talented.
Is tall, has a deep voice, and dark thick hair.
Was circumcised
Has family problems
Is severely depressed

He is constantly in a state of envy for what girls have, and what he can't have- the ability to look good in dresses, breasts, a more proportionate body, a shorter height, not having testicles, not having been mutilated just a few days after being born (and in fact having the procedure illegal) when the same procedure is routinely done to the male gender, childbirth and the deeper parent-child bond it brings,etc.
He is constantly upset by blatant sexism against males in the media, and society overall- the draft, increased prices on insurance, males "must be strong", are more likely to die protecting something, have less sympathy shown them, are expected to be the bread-earners, etc.
He hates the fact that with all he's looked up, the male body seems to him "an over-sized, less-efficient, piece of crap" as compared to a girl, and that's only in terms of functionality.

He abhors the unnatural.
He distrusts American Doctors and Dentists.
This makes gender-transitioning absolutely out of the question.

His fears and depressions are based in facts he's compiled which are Crushing him.

I've tried motivating him.. tried to do anything and everything I can to help him.. but I'm so scared he's going to kill himself lately...

He's blatantly stated "If there was no possibility that I would fail, I would have done it by now- What could happen to me if I mess up would make things even worse"

I need help. Preferably from people who understand gender-crisis... and won't tell him to just conform to male societal norms.

[ebatts]

I am a female, but identify as male. I am too afraid to have "the surgery" for the fear that I won't be myself anymore. I won't take testosterone because I would lose my voice. I am somewhat of a feminist, though I envy males for what they have and wish that I could be one. One thing I considered was becoming a drag king. That might sound weird, but it would be a place where people make you feel wanted. They cheer you on as you come out on stage. They are supportive and they could care less if I'm really a woman underneath it all. But alas I have severe social anxiety so that is out of the question.

Has your best friend ever considered talking with a therapist? It might seem cliche, and it also might seem like a bad idea (lack of understanding the situation, etc), but a therapist is unbiased and supportive. You may even consider going with him if that were an option, so that way he'd know that you'd be right there just in case anything went wrong.

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by ebatts

I am a female, but identify as male. I am too afraid to have "the surgery" for the fear that I won't be myself anymore. I won't take testosterone because I would lose my voice. I am somewhat of a feminist, though I envy males for what they have and wish that I could be one. One thing I considered was becoming a drag king. That might sound weird, but it would be a place where people make you feel wanted. They cheer you on as you come out on stage. They are supportive and they could care less if I'm really a woman underneath it all. But alas I have severe social anxiety so that is out of the question.

Has your best friend ever considered talking with a therapist? It might seem cliche, and it also might seem like a bad idea (lack of understanding the situation, etc), but a therapist is unbiased and supportive. You may even consider going with him if that were an option, so that way he'd know that you'd be right there just in case anything went wrong.

He admires the female voice very much too.. his deep voice hurts him every time he hears it..
He wouldn't dress out of gender significantly because he knows men don't looks as good in girl's clothes as girls do, and being well over 6 foot he knows how awkward that would look to everyone else.
He's afraid of doctors.. I don't know how he would deal with a therapist.. Its something I wish I could get him to try though and I'd be more than willing to be in there with him... but with all he knows I'm sure he thinks no one would understand..

[likewater]

A voice coach could maybe help with the voice. I know he hates srs but i live in colorado and we have a super nice/ compassionate one in trinidad . She used to be a guy. She's really pretty and compassionate. Would your friend go to counseling? Maybe counaeling could gelp him find a way to tolerate drs or find a happy medium with his/ her body.

[ebatts]

Lifewater has a good point. Counseling can be helpful, especially in groups.

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by likewater

A voice coach could maybe help with the voice. I know he hates srs but i live in colorado and we have a super nice/ compassionate one in trinidad . She used to be a guy. She's really pretty and compassionate. Would your friend go to counseling? Maybe counaeling could gelp him find a way to tolerate drs or find a happy medium with his/ her body.

Where could we find a voice coach/around how much do you think that would cost?
what's srs and drs?
Well, we live in Louisiana; with his and my experience with school counselors.. we're pretty apprehensive about psychiatrists, psychologists or therapists..
I'd be willing to do anything it takes to cheer him up but he is
INSANELY shy.
He won't go anywhere with people he doesn't know unless he Has to.
He's even more of a shut in than I am.

[ebatts]

I'm insanely shy too. My girlfriend has to beg me to go places because I don't like to be seen in public, and I hate driving.

Voice coaches usually charge by the hour, and it wouldn't usually be something covered by insurance. I tried to do some googling for you but from what I see, "voice coach" tends to lean towards singing lessons. Not sure if that's what lifewater had in mind, though.

[likewater]

Oh the srs was typo i meant drs for doctors. Sorry. I think in my state we are more liberal. So in trinidad, for example, there is a whole community to help transgenders from learning to walk, dress, talk differently. I think you can find the same in california.
Louisianna might be a little more difficult.

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by ebatts

I'm insanely shy too. My girlfriend has to beg me to go places because I don't like to be seen in public, and I hate driving.

Voice coaches usually charge by the hour, and it wouldn't usually be something covered by insurance. I tried to do some googling for you but from what I see, "voice coach" tends to lean towards singing lessons. Not sure if that's what lifewater had in mind, though.

Anywhere outside his house is a place he doesn't want to go unless forced.
And neither he nor I can drive (we both hate it but I don't think he's even taken classes for it).

I figured it would be more focused towards singing.

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by likewater

Oh the srs was typo i meant drs for doctors. Sorry. I think in my state we are more liberal. So in trinidad, for example, there is a whole community to help transgenders from learning to walk, dress, talk differently. I think you can find the same in california.
Louisianna might be a little more difficult.

Louisiana is difficult. It's extremely conservative. Especially the area we live in.

[ebatts]

What city is it?

[TheSilentEmpath]

its near houma

[ebatts]

One question, does your best friend identify as transgender like I do?

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by ebatts

One question, does your best friend identify as transgender like I do?

No. He wants to be treated as a female, and on very rare occasion wants the pronoun She used rather than He to describe him.. but he still considers himself male- just female on the inside.

[ebatts]

That's kind of what I do. I'm so used to the "she" pronoun that I really don't care if people use that or "he."

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by ebatts

That's kind of what I do. I'm so used to the "she" pronoun that I really don't care if people use that or "he."

but he doesn't consider himself transgender.

[ebatts]

True. Hmmm. I'm trying to think of how to research this for you. Even the most conservative places have liberal areas.

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by ebatts

True. Hmmm. I'm trying to think of how to research this for you. Even the most conservative places have liberal areas.

I just don't know where...

[ebatts]

Wish you two lived in Virginia. There are a ton of support groups here and I'd be more than happy to accompany both of you.

[TheSilentEmpath]

Originally Posted by ebatts

Wish you two lived in Virginia. There are a ton of support groups here and I'd be more than happy to accompany both of you.

If wished were fishes.. we can't exactly up and move.

[ebatts]

Yeah I know /: