[Undertaker]

Ok..well this is extremely embarassing for me to talk about and I don't even know why I'm talking about it at all but I've been watching porn regularly since I was 10. Mostly hentai. When I was 12 I got really interested in yaoi (guy on guy) hentai. And I was fine with that, it didn't really concern me until I was 13 or so when I discovered that I enjoyed seeing little boys do things with each other (like 5-8 year old boys ). I mean I feel disgusting, but at the same time it just turns me on more than anything else and I'm so confused.

I was sexually abused for most of my childhood so I was thinking that maybe that had something to do with it. It's not real-life porn so I'm not sure if that makes it any better. Anyways, I would like to hear what you guys/gals think. Is it ok? Is it sorta normal? Or am I just some sick pervert?

[Elana05]

Hi Undertaker,
I do think it is helpful to question the origin of these thoughts and desires. Are you seeing a therapist?

[Undertaker]

Originally Posted by Elana05

Hi Undertaker,
I do think it is helpful to question the origin of these thoughts and desires. Are you seeing a therapist?

Yeah, I seeing one. But I don't think that this is something that I could talk to her about. It's a really embarrassing topic for me.

I heard it's normal, but not the "abused" part. Talk to the therapist for the "sexual abuse" part, and maybe about the sexual exploration.

I read Yaoi alot of the time, and it really sets me off (embarrassed to say).

[Harley47]

Hi Undertaker.

I really think the best thing you could to is talk to your current T about it, or find one you are comfortable talking to about it. I would tell you though that you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Your T is there to help you, and I can assure you, you aren't the first or the last person who'll tell her something like this. Your therapist is in the job they're in because they want to be of help. They understand that the line or work is going to come with stories like yours, and they have been trained to deal with things like this and render the best help they can.

[Undertaker]

Originally Posted by KrasnoiZvezdy

I heard it's normal, but not the "abused" part. Talk to the therapist for the "sexual abuse" part, and maybe about the sexual exploration.

I read Yaoi alot of the time, and it really sets me off (embarrassed to say).

I guess I'll try to bring it up the next time I see her..No promises, but I'll attempt it.

I'm kind of a yaoi fanatic so I know how you feel, no need to get embarrassed around me ^_^

[Phoboxyl]

Originally Posted by Undertaker

I guess I'll try to bring it up the next time I see her..No promises, but I'll attempt it.

I'm kind of a yaoi fanatic so I know how you feel, no need to get embarrassed around me ^_^

Hi,

It's not normal to fantasize about children. However, I don't know that it's particularly problematic or unhealthy as long as it's not a preferred fantasy that gets in the way of fulfilling sexual relationships with adults.

Is it sick? I would say so, but this is my value judgement and you don't have to share it. Are you a pedophile? Not unless you prefer children to adults. There are a class of people who have pedophilic fantasies but never act on these, neither do they prefer these fantasies to normal sexual themes. You sound like you could be one such person.

I suggest you get evaluated by a psychologist. Don't worry, you're not going to be sent off to prison or anything. In case you are having urges to act out there may be medications or other therapies that can suppress them.

Just remember - don't blame yourself for your disorders. Most genuine pedophiles hate themselves from what I have seen and that's got to be a horrible burden without a doubt.

[Undertaker]

Originally Posted by Phoboxyl

Hi,

It's not normal to fantasize about children. However, I don't know that it's particularly problematic or unhealthy as long as it's not a preferred fantasy that gets in the way of fulfilling sexual relationships with adults.

Is it sick? I would say so, but this is my value judgement and you don't have to share it. Are you a pedophile? Not unless you prefer children to adults. There are a class of people who have pedophilic fantasies but never act on these, neither do they prefer these fantasies to normal sexual themes. You sound like you could be one such person.

I suggest you get evaluated by a psychologist. Don't worry, you're not going to be sent off to prison or anything. In case you are having urges to act out there may be medications or other therapies that can suppress them.

Just remember - don't blame yourself for your disorders. Most genuine pedophiles hate themselves from what I have seen and that's got to be a horrible burden without a doubt.

I didn't know that people like that existed, but then again I guess I never put much thought into it.

As for the whole evaluation thing I'm not really sure...I don't think that I could admit this to someone face to face ya know?

[Phoboxyl]

Originally Posted by Undertaker

I didn't know that people like that existed, but then again I guess I never put much thought into it.

As for the whole evaluation thing I'm not really sure...I don't think that I could admit this to someone face to face ya know?

I get you.

[Undertaker]

Originally Posted by Phoboxyl

I get you.

Heh, I am a bit surprised someone else understands. But none the less it's nice to have someone who can relate.