First CONSENTUAL time

I'm stressing the word 'consentual' cos I'm a rape victim. My so-called boyfriend doesn't know about this but he did asked me if I'm a virgin because we had some *ekhm* problems at the beginning. I didn't expect any fireworks and there were none. I was bored half of the time and revised the clothes vocab for the Spanish lesson (I can't memorise the words for 'shoes' and 'socks'). It was not as unpleasant as I thought but no orgasm. He was surprised I'm s reluctant to do certain stuff (the ones I had been forced to). I'm glad I finally had consentual sex, hahaha, finally and I didn't cry, faint or anything. I totally tricked him, he doesn't suspect a thing. So I can be normal in that sense.

you ARE normal...and rape doesn't count...this WAS your first time...and the first time with this kid...so things will be better next time...but you did it! congrats lovely!

Thanks, I also like to think it was the first time. Kid, lol, he's 27. He was sensitive and didn't rush me, no coercion, no force. He acted very mature when we had a little crisis in the middle. We laughed in bed, totally new for me. I'm very very happy I did it and proved my rapist was lying when he said nobody would ever want me. Gigantic step in my recovery, yay!

That's great. It is of course up to you but I'd think about telling your boyfriend about what happened to you. I'm sure he would be understanding and if something happens when you're being physical later on like a flash back of something like that he'd know what is going on. That was he can help you through the recovery and just give you a big hug and hold you if something goes wrong knowing that it has nothing to do with him.

I do knw you're right and I do know he wouldn't leave me because of that. It's disgusting but there was some blood and he stopped, asked me if I were a virgin and assured me it's fine. I was like omfg, what an embarrassement, pressed my hands to my face and thought he would go away but he just hugged me and was all kind and supportive. He's a really good guy but I can't tell him I've been lying to him. And that I'm a ugly filthy ***** and I was six when it started cos that would mean I'm not good enough to be his girlfriend. I don't want to be a weirdo anymore, I want to be for once a normal girl having a relationship ups and downs.

You are not an ugly filthy ***** but a loving young woman who deserves to have a normal loving relationship. It is not your fault that you were raped. You were only a child. I just want to affirm that you have no reason to put yourself down and degrade yourself. If he is worth having a relationship, I think he will understand.

I've been spending the better part of a few hours in the back of my mind thinking of how I wanted to word my response, but I think JLarissa did it for me.

Congratulations on your first time!

Tell him your past. If he is anywhere close to decent, then he will be able to help you. It should bring yall closer as a couple if u share the trauma. so glad u had a good experience with him. Best wishes in your relationship journey together