What does it mean to be 'genderqueer'?

Hi,

(Excuse me if I don't word this in the best manner - I know my best friend can be sensitive on these issues, so perhaps others are too?)

Since traveling away from her isolated, rural life in Montana for a new life in Seattle attending the University of Washington, she has identified herself as being 'genderqueer,' meaning neither male nor female, and what I support her in whatever she does, I am quite frankly perplexed about this

Well, I am not familiar with a lot of LGBTQ subjects, having been raised in areas that are overwhelmingly homophobic and essentially of the same race and religion with little to no diversity.

So my best says she's neither male nor female - ?????????????????? The way she's explained it is that she has never felt "female," but then I think that she is basing that off a very stereotypical idea of what a female is supposed to be, if that makes sense? She says she has never liked dresses, skirts, and makeups, but then I know a lot of women that don't - they're still women?

I consider myself to be male but I am likely more female than she is! I shave my legs, wear Secret deodorant, sleep with a teddy bear, love hugs, I have a purse, and probably cry more than most women, but I don't care. I don't care if something is considered male or female.

Honestly, I see sexuality and gender as kind of like skin colour, totally irrelevant in anything. I don't understand the thought process being gender identity. Don't see a need for all these labels? Instead of searching for a gender identify that best fits her, why not just do what she likes and forget about labels?

And how is someone neither male nor female?

So…confused!

Again I am by no means meaning to criticize her decisions or those of the LGBTQ community. Doesn't matter to me whether she is genderqueer, pansexual, transgendered, or extraterrestrial . It's important to her as my political affiliations are to me, so I want to understand this, and she is so far behind on emails from me (over 300 unread ) that she probably won't respond to the email wherein I asked these questions for a while, so here I am on PsychCentral!

From my understanding (and I'm nowhere near an expert on this), genderqueer is not identifying as either male or female. Gender is more than anatomy, it's also what you identify as and believe yourself to be. For example, young children know they are male/female before they really know the physical differences between the two.

Basically, genderqueer is not identifying as the biological/physical gender you are born as, but not necessarily identifying as the other gender or labeling yourself transgender. Think of gender as a spectrum if that helps. Just like sexuality ranges from gay to straight with varying levels of bisexuality, gender works the same way.

Gender identity can be a strong feeling for some people. A feeling inside them that makes them feel male or female or whatever. For some people, they don't feel this identification and it doesn't bother them, because they don't realise they don't feel it and don't feel like the opposite sex so they identify as their birth sex automatically. For others, something just doesn't sit right.

I don't use the term genderqueer but I would qualify to. I do like some things stereotypically associated with my birthsex and to look at me you'd think I identified as it, but I don't feel that association with my body as that sex or with the idea of being called or recognised as it. I always felt different to other people but didn't understand why. I assumed that since I didn't feel like the opposite sex, I was my birth gender just a different kind. I didn't know about alternative genders until only a few years ago and had a big identity crisis over it and it was then that I realised my identification wasn't that simple.

My body is just a shell that I inhabit. I'm like a ghost or spirit possessing it. My identification is neither male nor female. I am just me.

Genderqueer is basically if you don't identify as JUST MALE or JUST FEMALE, like androgynous for example.

Another term often used for genderqueer people would be "third gender," or as Native Americans refer to it "two spirits." While these terms are both merely labels, it's difficult to describe this phenomenon any other way; humans are attached to labels. As Nemo pointed out, gender identity exists on a spectrum...& it's important to realize that one's sexual identity (male or female) is quite different from one's gender identity. The first refers to what's between one's legs, while the second takes place between one's ears.

I consider myself to be of "third gender." I don't know how to describe this other than it's like a switch that goes on & off in your head...like a bipolar mixed state, only it's about gender identity. It was only about three years ago that I came to terms with it myself. I went on estrogen for two years & it cleared up the confusion in my head...I don't know why, but it did. I never lived fully as a woman, and never contemplated having any surgeries. I was just confused...& still am some days, weeks, & sometimes months at a time. My gender identity isn't static, that's all. It slides on a spectrum.

I went off estrogen because my body was changing to the point where there was no turning back...again...it's about what's between my ears, not about what's between my legs, or resting on my chest. If you think people discriminate because of mental illness, you can only imagine what kind of prejudice transgendered people (a blanket term that covers a wide range of the gender spectrum) face on a daily basis. I know my description is probably one of those "you just had to be there" things. Just as folks who aren't bipolar (as I am) can't fully understand what goes on between my ears in a psychological sense, any description of my fluid gender identity will never be truly understood by so-called "normies" (whoever the hell they are!).

So...Are you thoroughly confused now? Good! So am I! But that's a part of my being "genderqueer," or "third gendered." Again...those are merely labels.

for me I identify as gender queer because I feel I am both female and male....it not really the same as being transgender which a lot of people confuse gender queer with.

like for example I have a lot of people think that because I dress in drag I want to be a man, and change into one...but I don't I simply just identify as both a man and a women.