[lovestruck]

I had never thought about it in last 2 yrs, the time since we got married. But recently, I have noticed my husband gelling just too well with the husband of one of my friend. I have never seen him being so friendly even with his own friends. And this friendship (me knowing this girl) started just 3 months ago. Now I always try to avoid this couple, but either that guy or my husband always find a way to meet; though the wives are always around.
Funny part is that we, the wives, openly call our husbands GAY. They do not take it seriously and do not oppose. ()

After a series of meeting with them, I tried to have a overview on our marriage and my relationship with my husband. It was a arranged marriage, before marriage I had met him just 2-3 times. We belong from different backgrounds and different cities as well. After marriage, I started falling in love with him and today I love him more than myself. Still, there are somethings that make me conscious of whether he really loves me or its just a duty for him.

1. We never ever had a passionate love making.
2. We do have sex occasionally, may be once or twice in a month. (Which I feel he does out of duty)
3. The whole thing, foreplay and intercourse(if any) last only 30 mins or less.
4. Thr's no cuddling after sex. He just falls asleep.
5. He had never ejaculated in me. The only once he did, was last week, bcoz we have started planning a baby. (Though I do not think it was successful )
We do not use condom, bcoz initially when we tried to use condoms, before i could put it on, the erection ceased.

6. He never had a girlfriend (Or may be he hasn't told me). Earlier, i used to think this is because he had a bad dressing sense and Didn't looked good before marriage.

All these things make me think, " Is my husband really a gay??"

But, otherwise he is a gem of a person. Takes very good care of me, is always concerned about me. And I do not want to lose him at any cost.

Pls Suggest, If my doubts are really true or I am making just wild imagination.

Consider talking to your husband about the sexual aspects of your marriage (instead of bringing up the homosexuality immediately). Many heterosexual couples experience the exact problems that you've outlined, and it has nothing to do with one partner being gay (although that may or may not be your husband's condition). Also consider couples counseling.

You've been married for two years, so it's important that you start creating a foundation for open and honest communication.

[Perna]

It sounds like he is just inexperienced in love as you are. You need to talk to him, tell him what you like or would like so he can try to please you. Ask him to talk to you too, about himself and what he wants for your marriage. Men can have good friends like your husband with this man just like women can have really good girlfriends. It is hard to just be close to just people of the opposite sex as they cannot know what is like to be our own sex?

[waiting4]

I agree with Perna and only add that with inexperiance (possibly) on his part and yours....do you ever initiate sex or do you wait for him? I know in many cultures it is just expected to be the man's 'job' to always be the one initiating, but you are both young enough to stretch the boundries--it could be (since according to you, he is thoughtful and considerate in all other matters) that he is just unaware you would like love making to occur more often.

[lovestruck]

Thanks dear friends.. I agree with what you all are saying. May be he finds that guy as a good friend. May be I am overreacting..

Well... last week, I had a conversation with him about it. He himself asked me about my unhappiness. Though he was not happy after knowing the reason. But since then, I can clearly see that he is making a lot of efforts to show his love to me.
(But again, i feel I am being very critical, as I feel he is doing all these out of duty )

Now the question that is going around my head is.. does he really loves me?

[lovestruck]

Originally Posted by waiting4

I agree with Perna and only add that with inexperiance (possibly) on his part and yours....do you ever initiate sex or do you wait for him? I know in many cultures it is just expected to be the man's 'job' to always be the one initiating, but you are both young enough to stretch the boundries--it could be (since according to you, he is thoughtful and considerate in all other matters) that he is just unaware you would like love making to occur more often.

Yes.. I do initiate sometimes.. and sometimes just try to have fun by irritating him .... at times he says that I should have been the male partner

[bixkf]

Lovestruck,

After reading your post, I realized that the description of your husband matches me almost exactly:

1. We never ever had a passionate love making.

- To tell you the truth, I really don't know what it means. I'm always focused on the physical/technical aspects of sex...where my hands are, am I going to fast, am I putting too much weight on her, I hope I don't cum to fast...
- I really have never "let myself go", but I don't know how...on the other hand, I don't remember my wife ever just letting go and "going passionate on me" either

2. We do have sex occasionally, may be once or twice in a month. (Which I feel he does out of duty)

- it used to me once or twice a month, now after 18 years, its once or twice a year.
- it is not out of duty, I personally want more but I don't know how to get her to the point of wanting sex

3. The whole thing, foreplay and intercourse(if any) last only 30 mins or less.

- I'd love for it to last that long...most of the time it is 15-20 minutes on a good day

4. Thr's no cuddling after sex. He just falls asleep.

- well, it's not me that runs off...but it isn't always comfortable laying around with fluids dripping from body parts

5. He had never ejaculated in me. The only once he did, was last week, bcoz we have started planning a baby. (Though I do not think it was successful )

- I don't like ejaculating in my wife because it's messy for her. We've had our children and I'm fixed, so no babies...so there is really no good reason to leave my wife with a mess. Is it wrong that I care enough about her hygiene and comfort to not ejaculate in her?

We do not use condom, bcoz initially when we tried to use condoms, before i could put it on, the erection ceased.

- I've always had the same problem. If I take my mind of sex, even to put on a condom...I lose the erection. If my wife did something to keep me aroused while she put it on...better.

6. He never had a girlfriend (Or may be he hasn't told me). Earlier, i used to think this is because he had a bad dressing sense and Didn't looked good before marriage.

- I personally has one boyfriend and three girlfriends before marriage. The boyfriend lasted a year, the girls a few months total. It's not something I chosen, I just understood boys better.

All these things make me think, " Is my husband really a gay??"

- Well, in my case, yes I am gay...as least partially. I'm bisexual and I do love my wife beyond belief. I realize that I never really understood women, I understand men better. Makes me a poor heterosexual lover, but a good homosexual lover.

I think that you need to talk to you husband, and find out his history, his likes and dislikes. Help him understand...and don't judge.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by bixkf

Lovestruck,



- I don't like ejaculating in my wife because it's messy for her. We've had our children and I'm fixed, so no babies...so there is really no good reason to leave my wife with a mess. Is it wrong that I care enough about her hygiene and comfort to not ejaculate in her?

Perhaps your wife would disagree with you about that (although if the reason you don't is because she requested you to not, because of mess, that explains it) and maybe I sound weird to you, but even tho I am well past my baby making days, I still love it when a man ejaculates in me. With my ex, he could only do so ocassionally, although we had sex a LOT. Mostly, in order for him to cum he had to do so 'on' me rather than 'in' me. I never let on that this was disappointing for me....heaven forbid I speak to him about it--he would think it a criticism...never critisize a Narc--but for myself, I would have (and still do) preferred a man to ejaculate inside of me, I guess because it completes the act for me, and as I can orgasm about the time he does, it's soooo much better if he does so inside of me.

Just sayin'

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by waiting4

Perhaps your wife would disagree with you about that (although if the reason you don't is because she requested you to not, because of mess, that explains it) and maybe I sound weird to you, but even tho I am well past my baby making days, I still love it when a man ejaculates in me. With my ex, he could only do so ocassionally, although we had sex a LOT. Mostly, in order for him to cum he had to do so 'on' me rather than 'in' me. I never let on that this was disappointing for me....heaven forbid I speak to him about it--he would think it a criticism...never critisize a Narc--but for myself, I would have (and still do) preferred a man to ejaculate inside of me, I guess because it completes the act for me, and as I can orgasm about the time he does, it's soooo much better if he does so inside of me.

Just sayin'

waiting4 im on my way!..jk, LOL! but i couldn't agree with you more, when i'm with a woman i insist on ejaculating inside..for me it is sooo much better, so i find it odd this talk about "the mess" for me that's one of the best parts. i can't say that this man is gay or isn't but i do find it rather odd that he doesn't want to finish inside, outside/on doesn't feel nearly as good

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by lovestruck

Thanks dear friends.. I agree with what you all are saying. May be he finds that guy as a good friend. May be I am overreacting..

Well... last week, I had a conversation with him about it. He himself asked me about my unhappiness. Though he was not happy after knowing the reason. But since then, I can clearly see that he is making a lot of efforts to show his love to me.
(But again, i feel I am being very critical, as I feel he is doing all these out of duty )

Now the question that is going around my head is.. does he really loves me?

i think you may be overreacting a little, like waiting4 said it may be inexperience that is creating some issues for you, when a man doesn't have a lot of experience, he doesn't have a lot of confidence...so most people something they don't have a lot of confidence or practice in they are not going to do a whole lot unless you bring it to their attention

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Perna

It sounds like he is just inexperienced in love as you are. You need to talk to him, tell him what you like or would like so he can try to please you. Ask him to talk to you too, about himself and what he wants for your marriage. Men can have good friends like your husband with this man just like women can have really good girlfriends. It is hard to just be close to just people of the opposite sex as they cannot know what is like to be our own sex?

very good point! well said, well said!