New boyfriend

Im in a new relationship. we have decided to not have sex because of my religious values, but he wants to do it anyways. The past 2 times we have had time alone at my house have ended up with us being sexually intimate (fondling each other, oral sex, etc). he is recently divorced from an 11 yr marriage so he has plenty of experience. I have been in 2-3 intimate relationships but maintaining abstinence. I was in 1 relationship that involved sex. none of the guys have complained in the past of how I pleasure them and usually orgasm from 5-20 minutes of stimulation. This new boyfriend is so different and im wondering if its a problem with me or if its him. It literally takes hours of stimulation for him to orgasm and by the time he does we are both exhausted. Both times he has ended up having to finish himself off while I kiss and talk dirty etc... he gets in distress because his penis gets tender from all the stimulation. By the way, he is 29 yr old...

Hi Bamapsych. Congrats on the new relationship.

Firstly, I'd tell you as I'd tell anyone else to hold your ground, and that if you're not comfortable doing something, don't. I'm happy you two are able to meet a sexual middle ground, but if he insists on "more" than what you're ready for, don't think for a moment that you're the one with any problem. You've made the decision to wait (which if I might add I think is commendable of you ), and he agreed to honor your commitment. If he can't, that's all on him.

But on to him...as a guy, I find "literally hours" to be absolutely unfathomable. I don't think it's you, particularly if your past 2-3 intimate relationships have been fine. Honestly...do forgive my bluntness, but I think darn near anything that isn't outright unpleasant would do the trick after hours. :/ So I think we can safely rule out you as the problem.

I really think he should bring this up with a doctor...have you asked him more about it? Does he suffer from a loss of sensation or damaged penile tissue or anything like that? I can't imagine an explanation for this that doesn't involve something not functioning correctly. I would encourage him to seek a doctor...though expect resistance. We aren't overly keen on discussing those sorts of things as a gender with our doctors.

Anyway, congrats on the relationship, and good for you for your religious values. God bless, and take care.

I agree w/ Harley. I don't think it is lack of experience on your part. Men are not real complicted creatures. It should not take that long reguardless of what you are doing to him. I agree w/ Harley maybe check w/ a doctor about this. Are there psychological reason due to a past relationship w/ him. 20 min is about as long as it should take assuming you are trying to prolong things. Just talk it over the best you can. Also good for you for making up your mind not to have sex and sticking to those morals.

I think youare so strong! I wish I as strong as you. Keep saying no. I am a little frustrated myself with a new guy. He takes a while, but not hours..it makes me feel less of a woman, but I agree with the other posts that it could be the way he is...the same thing on someone else would have different results. Im hoping that if I get better at it, then it wont take as long..however with your past, that doesnt seem to be the problem. Dont worry. I wonder if you two can talk about it so you feel afirmed in what you are doing that he likes. I always have those talks so I can make the most of our time together. I hope this is helpful. Im sorry if its not.