[Hatter08]

Okay, so this has been bothering me for awhile now and I honestly feel is the reason behind a large amount of my problems (obviously, all sexual ones). When I was little, my parents got split custody of me and my sister. When we would go over to my father's house, he would beat me and lock me up and I would be stuck while he raped my sister in the next room. I look exactly like my father and that makes me so angry.

My sister is the only one I care about in the world anymore and I feel so guilty for not telling anyone about what was happening back then, for her sake. I hate myself so much for that.

But that's not even the main issue. Everyone always told me that what my father did "caught them completely off-guard. He would never do something like that." But he did. And that's what worries me.

My sexual thoughts have been strange and messed up ones and with both my and my father's shut-off personalities, I'm worried that I could have inherited this from him as well. I don't want to hurt anyone like that but, if no one thought he was capable of this... and knowing what they think of me. They know nothing about me. I'm worried I'll grow up to be the same. This has led to me rejecting the idea of having sex even in adulthood for fear that I won't be able to control myself. I don't want to become my father - I hate him more than anyone else I know and I don't want to do to other women what he did to my sister. But I just want to feel normal, to not feel like I have to keep myself restrained all the time.

Hi, Hatter08. I am so sorry to hear what happened to you and your sister. It sounds like you are a very different person from your father. You seem to be responsible for actions and do not want to harm other people. I would like to point out that causing injury to others is a conscious action. And you seem to be conscious of your actions to not want to harm others. In that sense, you are very VERY different from your father. Still, I think it would be a good idea to see a counselor in order to deal with your difficult past. You need to discuss it and your feelings so that you can lessen their affect on you and so that you can live in the present and have a life of your own. All the best to you!

[JLarissaDragon]

You may be your father's son, but you do not have to be like him. You have control over that and what you become. My father had an anger problem and beat me frequently until I left home. In retrospect I think a lot of my acting out behavior was my way of getting back at him though I really hurt myself.

You are not your father, but an independent and valuable human being who can make their own decisions. Be good to yourself

[Harley47]

Hey there.

Please allow me to start by saying that I am sorry for what happened to you and your sister. No one deserves that.

Secondly, in regards to not telling, understand that you're looking back on things as an adult, with different thoughts and rationale than you would have had back then. You can't blame yourself for it Hatter. Telling is something that is incredibly difficult for most adults. It is exponentially harder for children. Please don't hold yourself at fault for that.

But to the question at hand, I'd tell you that you being here is already an indicator of you being a very different man from your father. You're already displaying selflessness in not wanting to have sex out of fear of what may (and I would reassure you almost certainly won't) happen, and compassion in your care for your sister. Those were two things your father lacked. You are a better man than him, and I'm not worried about you becoming like him. You shouldn't either.