[Edpsy77]

The following statements annoy me when it concerns rejecting sex:

“You are not getting any”
“He or she did not get any”
“You are not getting any if….”
“She did not give it up…”

Based on my understanding, the people who utter such statements in relationships give the perception that sex is either a reward or favor to give to their special someone. If I ever heard such a thing uttered by my girlfriend, I would wonder if she really found me desirable. When you engage in sex in a serious relationship, you expect the person whom you are having sex with to enjoy the sex as much as you do. I am sure many of you will assert that I am reading into things but I just don’t get how this statement is uttered by wives, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends who claim to believe in respectful relationships. Should these things bother anyone especially me? If I have an incorrect view of this, please explain how my view is flawed.

[Pandoren]

I think it is partially societal in the sense that that attitude has been cultivated by the media and a lot of people grow up thinking that is the way to behave, and partially societal in the sense that people who would never say it otherwise or never really believe it say things in public as part of a group mentality. I guess bad things may also be uttered in the spur of a moment when it isn't really meant.

As someone said once, the sexual revolution didn't include the right to not have sex.

[Mike_J]

For some people it is given as a "reward" but for some people saying something like "you are not getting any" often means that you have just upset me, put me out of the mood to be intimate with you. There might be better ways to express your displeasure with someone, but saying that does send a clear message.

I used to date a woman who would say "you just lost points" when I said/did something she didn't like. But she would also say "oh, you just scored some points" not a guarantee of upcoming sex, but did let me know that she appreciated my words/actions.

[JLarissaDragon]

Language that degrades men or women is disgusting. Sex in the right context between a man and a woman who love each other is beautiful. The most meaningful and intimate expression that we can make to another person. Sex that only plays to base animal instincts is degrading. To look at a woman as merely a sex object to control debases both man and woman.

[Edpsy77]

Originally Posted by JLarissaDragon

Language that degrades men or women is disgusting.

I agree.

[Edpsy77]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

For some people it is given as a "reward" but for some people saying something like "you are not getting any" often means that you have just upset me, put me out of the mood to be intimate with you. There might be better ways to express your displeasure with someone, but saying that does send a clear message.

I understand your point in a sense. However, the mere word "getting" implies that there is a one direction flow of sexual gratification. I may give the impression that I am opposed to those who "give" sex as a reward in all contexts. Actually I am opposed to men and women who have disregard for their other partner's view of sex not being a reward. If some men and women don't mind earning sex, that is their prerogative. If a man or woman can only be turned by their partners performance of non-sexual tasks, again that is fine.

However, I expect to be desired when I have sex my girlfriend. When I have sex with her we are both giving and receiving sexual gratification. This phrase "getting some" implies sex is a chore. I would never have sex with someone who I think perceives sex as a chore.