Arrrghhh...Confused!

I'm sure this has been brought up many times on this forum.

Frankly, I am confused as to what my sexual orientation is. I am 34 and have always dated and been attracted to men. But I've also been attracted to women (not in a mind-blowing way just you know, attracted), something which has intensified in the last 5 years or so. I don't know if I am at the point where I could settle into a long-term relationship with a woman, but I can tell you that the thought of dating a man is frustrating, unsatisfying, and even downright off-putting. I like sex with men, but I find myself thinking about sex with women far more.

I feel like people who have understood their orientation since way back find people who label themselves as bi-sexual or bi-curious infuriating. In fact, I've heard as much from their own lips. But I just may be. I feel past the age where I can experiment (though I am a young 34 y/o) and the area in which I live is pretty conservative...there aren't many glaring opportunities nor do I even know how to approach someone when I'm so inexperienced.

Thank you for any advice. I'm an intelligent and independent woman and being hung up on this is really upsetting to me. My best friend is strongly anti-gay, and I cannot talk to her. I just found out my very good guy friend is gay, but we're still at the point where he doesn't want to talk too much about it (he's not out), and I'm also afraid he'd think I was being...I don't know...opportunistic. Like, hey he's gay, let me pick his brain...I'm bored and need to explore. Not to mention that he's a guy and it's not the same.

So...help. Please? Anything.

Edit: I should add that, even growing up, I've never been overtly physical or lovey-dovey. With anyone. I don't have any sexual abuse history (so I can't attribute frustration/fear to it), but I do think that growing up with an emotionally withholding family does contribute. I had a couple of girls that I experimented with when I was a kid but I figured that was just kid stuff. Anyway, that's it.

Okay, for all of the people who have checked this out there has to be someone who has something to say. Honestly...this is quite tormenting. I don't need a life-changing answer, I just need to know if someone has been there, or if I'm normal, or...anything.

Don't label yourself. There's no need to. You like men. Maybe you like women. Should you go for it or hold yourself back? That's up to you, not us. Do whatever feels right.

You sound very normal to me. You have questions about your sexuality and looking for answers.

I suspect you may have to liberate yourself from your self assessments in order to answer some of the questions.

I suspect you are right. I feel pretty alone and overwhelmed. On top of depression and anxiety which looooves to rear its head during this time of year.

Just looking for a little support, not for anyone to tell me who I am.

I don't have any advice, but I understand where you are at right now...31, and also similar thoughts and experiences...also kinda not sure where I'm at, lol. So right now, just not doing anything...(plus the thought of anyone touching me right now gives me the heebie geebies, have some ideas why thanks to peeps here ) ANYWAY, not trying to talk about me too much but just wanted you to know you aren't alone!

Thanks. I get the heebie jeebies thing. It's not quite to that point for me but if I'm really honest I feel almost... asexual. I want companionship, I want contact, but I have no drive. Ya know? I have absolutely no clue what could be causing it because I used to have quite a high sex drive.

I agree with Doc...I don't really think there's a need for a label. You are what you are, and honestly speaking, what purpose does a label serve you? What's wrong with just being misskeena instead of gay/bi/straight/whatever? While I certainly understand that "knowing" gives a bit of security, I wouldn't stress so much if you're not firmly decided. You're you, and for now, that's all you need be.

Also, I think you may be over analyzing your gay male friend a bit. I think, as long as you didn't give him the perception you're grilling him, he wouldn't mind answering a few questions...like how he knew he was gay, if he was ever confused in his orientation...things like that. I'm not sure I'd necessarily use him as a sounding board for your specific situation, but his experiences might help you a bit.

I wish you all the best, and good luck.

Hugs,
Harley

PS: Said this before, will say again. Love the avatar!

Thank you. I'm really trying to accept that me being me is okay. It's been an up-and-down month and a half or so.

I actually don't think my friend and I are at the point where I can ask him these questions. When he told me (about a week and a half ago), he immediately said, "And we're never talking about this again." I mean, we do talk about it but he talks about what he's comfortable talking about and I try not to push him too much. Maybe at some near point, but we're not there yet.

I should say that I did tell him about this and it was no big deal. Now my problem is actually getting out there. I cancel more dates than I go on. Jeez...I sound really screwed up.