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#1
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People say you need to be in love to make it meaningful, but when are hookups or drunken hookups acceptable? With friends? With strangers? Does sex even need to be meaningful, or can sex just be sexual fulfillment?
Here are some very different views on sex, none of these are mine: "If a person had to be in love to have sex there would be a lot less sex taking place on this planet. People have needs, sex is one of them, relieving this need with another person for mutual satisfaction...does not require an emotional attachment." "I want to be in love, or at least think I am in love, when I lose my virginity. but after that, **** it, Imma be up on every **** I can get until I find the right one to spend a life time with. everyones different, just gotta find your morals." " I wouldn't have sex with somone unless I love them and im in a relationship with them. 'Hooking up' is trashy. I think it's slutty if you don't have it with someone you love." I'd like to know other people's views on sex and love. Is love a requirement for sex or just a social/moral standard? |
#2
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Personally I think you are only looking at the two extremes. IMHO there is a lot of room in between.
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![]() CantExplain, missbelle
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#3
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Personally, I don't do sex at all (due to incest and abuse issues) ... Nevertheless, here's a poem I wrote about it if I did ...
The Prostitute
If I was a prostitute I'd sell my soul for all that loot Delight wry lust for a fee Release all insecurity I'd not be bought along the street In cheap motels on corner beats Where lonely bums decide to cum When all they thought they had is gone Instead I'd have a penthouse suite With fine exquisite luxuries To satisfy my every whim The same as I'd do her (or him) And before I even let you up To share with you my loving cup We'd meet somewhere so I could see If you'd deserve to play with me I'd loathe the day but love the night Writhe with you and set you right Impassioned flame your burning fire Then quench complete your true desire All that I would do for you All that I would do to you If I was a prostitute I'd relish every part of you |
![]() Lizzie B, summeryoga
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#4
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Quote:
I am going to wait this time before I speak my opinion. They are generally wrong. |
#5
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Very creative, i wish I was as good as you. |
![]() Anonymous32449
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#6
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Quote:
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I need to like them...and almost everyone has something lovable about them other than what you can touch with your hands. I think I love easily but choose wisely. I should be speaking in the past tense but I don't want to go back and edit. I try not to judge the sexual morality of others e.g. strict religious beliefs, personal codes etc... and I hope to have mine respected when I choose to make them known. Bottom line is that it's your codes you need to live by. If you're just satisfying your curiosity with these questions, I don't have a problem with that... but some may. And yes...that was a very deep poem. |
![]() Anonymous32449
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![]() Onward2wards
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#7
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I think it's all a personal thing. On thing I didn't think about until fairly recently... I always grew up with the idea that promiscuous people were people of little morals (which I think society in general conveys as a message a lot) but after I got more understanding of the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, I realised these people may not have a desire for a relationship, or not a great desire for a relationship, but may still have a strong sexual desire and therefore that leads them to go through with sex but not a relationship. Others have a very strong desire for a relationship and recognise the idea that their sexual desires can be combined with a partner and use intimacy as an extension of emotional love (to some degree, this might also have been conveyed by society) and so their love is enhanced by doing it with someone they love. As for the person who wanted to lose their virginity while in love and then do whatever, I might speculate that she is of the first type that I mentioned but possibly has had it installed into her that virginity is special and should be lost in love.
I guess in short, you don't need to be in love to have sex, but if romance means a lot to someone, they wouldn't want or be inclined to have sex with someone they weren't in love with. |
![]() LiteraryLark, Onward2wards
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#8
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Sex is whatever you make of it. I've had casual sex that meant nothing to me, even with people I've slept with beyond a one-night stand, deep meaningful relationships with intimate partners, where the sex we have I hold sacred, and then everything in between.
__________________
http://www.queermentalhealth.org/ - Resource and support site for LGBTQ people and their partners |
![]() LiteraryLark, Typo
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#9
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I was not in love the first time I had sex. In fact I was only a week into being in a relationship with the man, and we had been talking for about a month. I don't regret it at all. I felt safe, cared for and respected. The first time in my life I had felt those things. It just felt right. We have now been together a year and will be getting engaged sometime next summer after I complete my degree.
I wasn't in love when I had sex with my now bf, but even if we hadn't of worked out so well and ended up falling in love I still wouldn't change my decision. I don't believe you have to be in love to have sex, some people do, some people don't. It's all a matter of what is best for the individual or the pairing of people involved. It isn't immoral or wrong to have causual sex, as long as you and the person you are involved with are being safe and using protection. Sex is a part of human nature, it isn't as important to other people and to some it is, it's all a matter of personal choice. To me sex is very important, especially in a relationship, for me it is a way to express attraction, want, and affection. |
![]() RomanSunburn
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![]() LiteraryLark, Onward2wards, RomanSunburn
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#10
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Firstly, let me say that your poem was great BrokenCloud...you should be proud.
Secondly, I want to say I am only posting my opinion. Please don't allow me to offend anyone. I'm not trying to do that at all. I can only post for me. For me personally, yes, I would have to be in love in order to share that with another person. Largely, I chalk it up to my upbringing and my own personal moral code (which isn't to call anyone immoral. That's not my place to do so). I've just always viewed that as the most sincere expression of love and trust that can be given, and I don't freely give that. But again, that is me.
__________________
The world suffers alot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.- Napoleon Bonaparte |
![]() Anonymous32449, LiteraryLark
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![]() LiteraryLark
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#11
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Your poem is wonderful BrokenCloud. As for the question I've never had casual sex but I don't think there's anything wrong with it assumeing both parties are consenting adults.
__________________
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![]() Anonymous32449
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#12
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Broken Cloud, amazing poem ... Truly.
As for the sex question, there is no right or wrong answer. Sex is an individual choice. Some people need love to make it worth their time, some people just like to **** for the sake of ****ing. And there are a million choices in between those two. No right or wrong for the universe - just for the individual. |
![]() Anonymous32449
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![]() missbelle
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#13
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Sex...Oh yeah...I remember sex I think....lets see when was it...I have no clue...seriously though when young I thought you had to be in love, ...
As I aged and matured...well maybe...?? I thought sex was fun just for sex itself...nice to sometimes have no commitment but just a nite of sex and hugging and whatever...........now I had to like the person and find them attractive,but in love,.,...heck no!
__________________
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich The road to hell is paved with good intentions. "And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper ![]() |
#14
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I'd like to bump this thread again because I'm still stuck on this one...
REBOOTING...*da dada daaa* OLD THREAD I've never been with someone that I felt right to have sex with. I may be putting myself at too high standards as to how I'd like to lose my virginity: *I'd like 100% privacy where no parent or sibling could interrupt us. This means I'd either have to go to his house if his parents aren't home, rent a hotel (does that count as paying for sex?), or I'd have to wait until my parents go away for the weekend which isn't often AND convince my brother to get out of the house. *I'd like a full body wax...because I don't shave on a regular basis and don't want him to have sex with a wooly mammoth. (And, as a feminist and a lover of smooth skin...I'd ask him to shave his legs and manly parts). *I'd like to be in LOVE! I have been/considering situations where sex is legitimately possible, but I say no. The first was with a beautiful woman I had a crush on, but she was drunk and I wasn't comfortable having sex with one of us under the influence. Now there is a guy who is into the same fetishes as me, respectful, and like a best friend, but I feel no sexual attraction. As much as I crave sex sometimes, it doesn't feel right to have sex without any attraction to the person. I also have a fear of sex. I've never been abused as far as I know, but sex scares me. As much as I fantasize about shower sex, the thought of being naked with a man scares me because I'd be vulnerable. It was a big deal to sleep over with a guy for the first time in the same bed...it was scary! Many doctors and psychiatrists have asked me if I've been raped and it freaks me out, surely I'm not the only person man or woman who's scared of sex? Perhaps I am so demanding of how I want sex because I imagine it to turn out so horribly, and I worry I'll be raped before having a chance to have my first time. Okay, rant over. Back to OP. If I don't have to be in love to have sex, why don't I just have sex with whoever I feel like having sex with? But I don't feel like having sex with just anybody. It doesn't feel right to have sex without being in love, but so many other people have sex with tons of people without caring about being in love, why can't I? |
#15
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I don't think your standards are too high, nor do I think it's unusual to be a little afraid. Your first time is a major life milestone, and you have to have a lot of trust and faith in the other person in order to be remotely comfortable in a situation like that. I don't think your fear is irrational at all.
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__________________
The world suffers alot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.- Napoleon Bonaparte |
![]() LiteraryLark
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![]() LiteraryLark
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#16
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Thank you. *hugs*
Because I can only click on the thanks and hugs button once. ![]() |
#17
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You may have answered your own question when you said that you would like to be in love. That would be nice for you and I would be happy for you if you did find that special someone. I think that each person has a different comfort level around sex and as long as you are staying true to yourself, I think you will know if it feels right. I don't think it is unusual to be afraid of sex - this does not necessarily mean you were abused. I am a survivor of abuse and my fear of sex stemmed from that, but this is certainly not the case for everyone. I would need to really care for/love the person I had sex with - partly due to what I feel comfortable with as well as my trauma issues. Stay true to what you want and what you feel is best for you...
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![]() LiteraryLark
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#18
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Since you're officially a virgin still, it would be special if you were "in love" with a partner for the 1st time. I'll speak from experience but I haven't experienced sex when not "in love". If this wasn't your 1st time, then I'd say yes you can still have an enjoyable memory without the love factor.
The 1st time experience leaves a strong memory, so its important to be special IMO. When a partner loves you and this is my experience.....the feeling is super intense. You end up feeling how much the person cares about you and this is communicated in the whole experience - touch, sound everything. If you don't happen to feel love and don't want to end up older and waiting.....at least find a partner who genuinely cares about you with chemistry.
__________________
![]() ![]() *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
![]() LiteraryLark
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![]() LiteraryLark
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#19
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Thank you lovely
![]() I do want it to be special, but sometimes I worry about choosing the wrong guy or having it not be special enough, or worse case scenario, it being so horrible I'm scared off of sex. |
![]() lynn P.
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#20
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You guys 'n' dolls might like to read my thread
' Is sex a basic need ' I'd love to hear your views ! Thanks. |
#21
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I don't think you do have to be in love, at all. To some it is just a physical act, a good time, getting laid.
Look at one night stands, threesomes, group sex, it's just an enjoyable activity to some. I'd be interested to hear your views on my thread 'Is sex a basic need' Thank you |
#22
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I think for women overall, being in love to have sex is more important then it is for men. Most likely a biological reason that the female needs to know the male cares so he'll stay around during pregnancy.
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![]() lynn P.
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