He changed his relationship status without asking me...

I met a guy on the set of a TV show. We were both extras and hit it off really well. We spent the past two days of filming together on 2/26-2/27. Last night we went on our first official date and it was perfect, we really click and we both have feelings for each other. But today he changed his facebook status to "in a relationship" and I'm not comfortable with that. I would rather wait a month too see if we're really compatible. I've never dated anyone more than a month, so to me a month is really a test.

Is waiting a month reasonable? I just don't want to rush things and I don't know how to tell him to change his status.

Okay. Boundaries. Why would you "tell" him to change his rs status? He can think whatever he wants to. He can act however he wants. You can do whatever you want. You don't have to change your rs status just because he did. If he mentions it to you, tell him what you said here. Treat facebook like his diary??

I think that's an odd thing to do if you haven't discussed it. Personally it would make me back off.

I agree with Hankster on this. You really can control how you feel but to try to control his feelings are asking for trouble, I really understand your hesitancy but maybe you might consider this to be a compliment. He obviously likes you. Furthermoer just because all past relationships have had a short history, doesn't mean this one does. I think I would just follow my heart and see where it goes

try making a relationship work a month, you might be surprised. That is only 4 weekends. That might be the encouragement you need to help you hold on for a month. As long as he has in a relationship posted you know you don't have to worry about him seeing someone else as one of the issues that come up.

I don't think it's a bad thing on your part to want to make sure it's going to work, no. Rather, I think that's a wise decision. I understand where you're coming from though with his facebook...if I had to guess, it's not so much that he didn't ask you (lol in which case, I do agree with other posters) as much as it is that he "advanced" quicker than you're ready. He elevated things into a point that you weren't aware of, so to speak. Is that where you're coming from?

At any rate, no, I don't think wanting to build a friendship first is a bad thing. Just tell him you want to take things slow, and you want to make sure the basis is there before you move on to a full blown relationship. If he's a guy worth your time, he'll understand.

Best of luck!
Harley

So he is trigger-happy. I was in the same situation on Sunday. Went on a restaurant date with this guy Randy, from OKC. In passing, during dinner, he mentioned that he was telling others in his circle of friends about me. As in "r/s". At first I was a bit uneasy. Sure, it is an honor, but I am not sure I am ready to take it... But then I relaxed - so he sees it the way he sees it, and there is no harm in it.

As Larissa said, treat it as compliment, and, do not feel that you owe anything to him just because he changed his status.

Another rather radical idea... pretend that FB did not exist. After all, most posters on this thread went through dating before the advent of FB, proving that it is possible. If you remove FB from the picture, there is no more problem for you, right? The problem is due entirely to the ubiquity of FB.

Does FB show "in relationship" and just that, without saying "with whom"? Or does it say "with DrSkipper"?

It'll say "In a Relationship." That's all. Doc would have to approve the message sent to her for it show "In a Relationship with DocSkipper."

lol Lucky you without a Facebook...all my church fellows added me. Talk about one quick way to throttle what you post when the preacher adds you.

Boundaries as in he crossed mine. We said nothing of "let's be in a relationship" last night. I'm not ready for that after one date and I don't need all of facebook to think we're together.

Like Hamster says, take facebook out of the picture. What if he was going around telling all of his friends IRL that we're in a relationship without ever telling me first? That would be crossing boundaries and should not be taken as a compliment.

Yes, it was definitely rushing things. I made the mistake with the last guy I dated of rushing into bf/gf and I don't want to make the same mistake with him.

My man wrote me the most moving poem to make me feel better. I cried when I read it. It wasn't the least bit cheesy but thoughtful and heartfelt. And it was about us being zombies (since we played zombies on the set), nothing more romantic than that. ♥

So I decided to accept the relationship status. We may not last, but he is someone I would like to be in a relationship with. I can't wait to see him again.

A moving poem is awesome.

my fiance did the same thing to me. i had been friends with him for about 2 weeks and finally agreed to go on a date with him, before our second date occured he had asked for me to approve a relationship status change. I didn't, not right away. I saved the option there and saw how it went over the next few dates. I was also very hesitant and didn't want to rush into things. So all his FB friends saw him as in a relationship while I maintained a single status until I approved that request.

After about a month I agreed that it was working and approved the status request and was in a relationship. To me I really didnt care what he said to his friends, because if it really wasnt going to work, well he was just going to appear to be a trigger happy idiot to his friends, and I probably wouldn't see him again, sad but honest truth unfortunately. As far as my friends were concerned, it was up to me whether I wanted them to see me as single or in a relationship on Facebook. They all knew my troubles and hesitations with relationships and knew that if I updated it, it would be on my own terms and if it didnt work out, they would be there for me and say :" yeah you know what, things happen, lets go out and have a girls night. "

I hope this helps

My H and I discussed this together when we were dating and changed our statuses together. I would have been really weirded out if he'd just done it.

I am really beginning to think that Facebook interferes with our lives too much and dictates and determines how we live our lives.

I decided to unchange our facebook status. I was receiving too much attention and I didn't think we were ready. He is really understanding and wants to make this work so he agreed.

I don't know. I hate FB sometimes. I can see it both ways. It would freak me out and make me back waaaaaay the eff off if I saw this on someone's FB after one date. But then I see it the other way: what if FB didn't even exist and he was telling all of his friends about me in the relationship context? I wouldn't be any the wiser. So FB sucks. It's actually ruined things for people just because they can see other people's neurotic behaviors that would otherwise be kept under wraps, haha. I mean, you know? I'd wait it out a little bit. Chalk it up to him being a little trigger happy and give him another chance.

At the risk of bombardment of answers of disagreement. Hey ho ! What's the problem ? Does it actually matter ? Isn't it a compliment ?
Some people LOOK for problems, and SORRY It makes me cross. Accept the fking compliment, and SO WHAT ?

So at the risk of bombardment you write something just for the sake of arguing because you want to get your opinion across? Okay, so now that we're disagreeing again, let me repeat my side of the story yet again.

The problem is that I'm not ready for a relationship. My guy and I discussed it and came to an agreement that we want to take it slow and not rush before we're ready. So does it matter? It does to know that he is in it for the long run and not play the Taylor Swift dating game of dating the first person to have a common interest with (and then writing a song about how we're never ever ever getting back together). Is it a compliment? I guess so, sure, but I don't want to be in a relationship if I'm not ready and he completely understands.

There is a difference between looking for problems and knowing what is best for myself. I like this guy alot and he likes me, and if he is worth it then we can wait a month to see if we are really compatible. I can't say we're compatible after one date, and as I've said twice before, he understands why I don't want to rush into calling each other bf/gf. It's a test, preference, whatever you will, but it doesn't mean I'm looking for problems or even that I don't want to be his girlfriend.

I am sorry it makes you cross, but there's no reason for you to show it. It's not appropriate, especially when it's not helpful.

That for sure... plus, it is as if you were writing a story and needing to build in some suspense, for the sake of both sides.

I think I get what you're saying.

The last guy I dated I saw every single day for two weeks. After one week, I asked him if we could change our statuses, and he was hesitant but agreed. A week later, we had a couple horrible dates and and never made contact again.

And I don't want that to happen with this new guy, so when he wanted to change statuses I thought of the other guy and didn't want that to happen, to be in a r/s after such a short amount of time and to have it fizzle. I want it to last, and so does he. He lives an hour away so we can't see each other all the time, so yes, the suspense can build between dates and we can really see how we're doing and if we want to continue at a slower pace.