Question for the guys

looks make the package fun but it's all about enjoying yourself and being open to trying new stuff

airplane

Court_Knee: my apologies. I should have sent you the observations regarding non-acknowledgement of obvious and well-meaning compliments via PM and not have put you on the spot. I am sorry. I should not have put you on the spot. The matter should have been dealt with in private.

To the extent that my faux pas has somehow provoked your disclosure in regards to the views that you hold - the views that are very typical among women, yet very harmful - e.g. statement about the appropriateness of losing a few pounds to look better in a wedding dress, I am glad I did what I did.

I hope you read on:

- intuitive eating
- health at every size (HAES) - the "size" is not your concern because you are normal weight, but HAES is the right framework for thinking about weight. It has been shown to yield far better results than the standard weight-centric approach, and, is basically better along all possible dimensions - so read up on it even though you are normal size and do not need to be skinnier. Just read on it preemptively.
- the long-term dangers of yo-yo dieting (the idea that you would want to lose a few pounds to look better in a wedding dress usually translates, in practice, into yo-yo dieting, which is a horrible thing that can screw up your metabolism, big time)

Finally... straight men do not particularly care about how you look in a wedding dress. Ask them and they will tell you. As far as I have been able to observe, straight men, for the most part and with some notable exceptions, are very simple, low maintenance creatures who are usually perfectly satisfied by a pair of nicely fitting jeans. The lore has it that the advanced science of women's looks - the haute couture, designer shoes, fashionable haircuts - usually attracts gay men. Straight men rarely have enough education and knowledge of the latest trends in fashion to appreciate the "right" wedding dress. I have never myself been into wedding dresses (the first wedding dress was sewn by my then mother-in-law, who was a seamstress, hobby-wise, and the second marriage was totally lax in Las Vegas with me in some sort of lightweight empire waist short cotton dress and the groom in shorts, without any guests), but I have observed many girls and women who ARE into wedding dresses, wedding ceremonies, etc. - very very seriously into that stuff and spending all of their free time over the course of many months planning their weddings, and even engaging their secretaries at work into the event planning. So these women acquire those photo albums after the weddings and then share the pictures with... other girls and women who are into this stuff. I have never seen a straight man look at a wedding picture. Apparently, the wedding pictures are too boring for straight men, or, straight men simply lack the ability to appreciate all the hard work that went into dieting to fit into the dress, selecting the dress, getting the special occasion make-up, hiring a photographer, etc. It is perfectly OK for you to be into wedding dresses, but you should realize that being into wedding dresses is something that could connect you with other girls (and, possibly, the men who are in the business of selling bridal gowns) with similar interests. It would not connect you with guys.

Still, even with the hope that the reading on normal eating would lead you away from the idea of losing a few pounds without any need, and, as one positive result among positive results, would enable you to enjoy life better (enjoying food without thinking of your pounds is very enjoyable and liberating and, a sensuous experience), I am sorry that I have caused your pain and I should have PM'd you in the beginning of the thread. Please accept by belated apologies.

Thank you so much for your apology Hamster. That is really kind of you and I appreciate it. All is good between us

As the saying goes "personality goes a long way"

To me a woman's attractiveness is greatly influenced by her personality, this works both ways, meet a very pretty woman get to know he and if she has a not so great personality her attractiveness goes WAY down. Likewise if I meet woman who isn't pretty (at least on the outside) a great personality can make her very attractive.

But that's just me, some guys will date the most horrible women just because of their looks.

without having read all the replies to your question, my take on the matter is this.......

sure it helps if someone you like you find attractive (remember what is ugly to one guy will be attractive to another) but that is not the be all end all reason to become involved with someone. i have met some stunning women who were cold as ice and twice as mean as a rattlesnake with indigestion. on the other hand I have also met some women who do not fit the stereotype of attractive that had harts of pure gold. and usually those women will still have a trait or two that makes them attractive as well. it might be her hair, it might be her eyes, it might be her smile..... you get the idea.

so while attractiveness helps, what is inside is really the most important feature. (and most times what is on the inside actually makes the outside more attractive.)