[r4331]

I've recently been experiencing a problem that I'm not sure what to do about. After not having any relationships or "one night stands" that involved sex for nearly 6 years, I've run into a problem that really scares me. Over the past month, I've found a girl that I'm both physically and emotionally attracted to. During the past month, we've had sex 5-6 times and I've been able to go and last throughout (including one night with multiple sessions). In the past 2 attempts at sex, I've been losing my erection right as I'm about to put on a condom. I can hold the erection during foreplay & leading up to sex, but as soon as I make the move to put on a condom, it goes away. As it continues to happen I get more and more frustrated and scared that there's a bigger issue here. From what little research I've done this is due to anxiety, which I can see being the cause considering we've had intercourse before. We're both 25, physically fit, runners & eat healthy.

Any input on how to overcome the anxiety or things to try would be greatly appreciated.

[Neversolost]

Have you tried having her put the condom on you as part of foreplay?

[r4331]

No, I haven't but that's a good idea. Next time we talk about it, I'll mention that to her. Also, over the past few weeks I've started taking OTC allergy medicine for seasonal allergies. Is this something that could be contributing?

[olive98]

hi r4 is it possible to put a condom on before the erection starts? erections are the most interesting thing about sex!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by olive98

hi r4 is it possible to put a condom on before the erection starts? erections are the most interesting thing about sex!

No - you need an erect penis before you put on a condom.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by r4331

I've recently been experiencing a problem that I'm not sure what to do about. After not having any relationships or "one night stands" that involved sex for nearly 6 years, I've run into a problem that really scares me. Over the past month, I've found a girl that I'm both physically and emotionally attracted to. During the past month, we've had sex 5-6 times and I've been able to go and last throughout (including one night with multiple sessions). In the past 2 attempts at sex, I've been losing my erection right as I'm about to put on a condom. I can hold the erection during foreplay & leading up to sex, but as soon as I make the move to put on a condom, it goes away. As it continues to happen I get more and more frustrated and scared that there's a bigger issue here. From what little research I've done this is due to anxiety, which I can see being the cause considering we've had intercourse before. We're both 25, physically fit, runners & eat healthy.

Any input on how to overcome the anxiety or things to try would be greatly appreciated.

Since you run, already, you cannot make it better for anxiety from the standpoint of physiology. You might try anxiolytic medications prior to the act - you will need a prescription for them. I have never heard of them used in this particular context, but people do report using them successfully in similar contexts, when they need to perform and are scared of failing - say, before doing a big presentation at a conference.

The main problem related to your anxiety is that you get scared, then you get more anxious, and the rest is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Since you are scared that there might be a bigger issue, you should seek advice from your GP. Also, ask the GP to prescribe Cialis - not that you should look forward to using Cialis for life, starting at age 25, no, but as an extra assurance to get over being scared. Maybe if you have a few successes with Cialis, you can then drop Cialis and do fine left to your own devices.

Also, give her orgasms with your mouth and hands - not only will it be good for her, but your successes giving her orgasms will work towards alleviating your anxiety which stems from your fear of failure.

[r4331]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

The main problem related to your anxiety is that you get scared, then you get more anxious, and the rest is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Since you are scared that there might be a bigger issue, you should seek advice from your GP. Also, ask the GP to prescribe Cialis - not that you should look forward to using Cialis for life, starting at age 25, no, but as an extra assurance to get over being scared. Maybe if you have a few successes with Cialis, you can then drop Cialis and do fine left to your own devices.

Also, give her orgasms with your mouth and hands - not only will it be good for her, but your successes giving her orgasms will work towards alleviating your anxiety which stems from your fear of failure.

An update, I really think this all stems from my idea of doing something wrong, something going wrong (condom breaking at the inopportune time being my biggest fear), failure and time spent masturbating versus being with someone else.

I've pretty much ruled out the medical problem as I'm still able to have an orgasm with her. That fear stemmed from not knowing what was happening.

Her and I are very open about talking through this and taking our time, slowly working back into it.

I appreciate all the comments!

[hamster-bamster]

Last time I checked, the Durex brand had the best record. It was a long time ago. Check for the current stats. She should be on high effectiveness birth control as well. You should not be relying on condoms alone for birth control. For disease prevention, sure, but not for birth control. I hope you can alleviate some of your fears of condom failrue.

[Harley47]

My buddy swears by Durex Ultra Sensitive...and honestly, given the length of time he's been with his gf and the condom fees accumulated over the years, those things are apparently as effective as the Hoover Dam.

Anyway, you in large part answered your own question. You're afraid, and fear and anxiety are not conducive to sexual arousal. It's a bit of a vicious cycle...you worry about the condom breaking or the like, and your fear kills your arousal. The next time, you're worried about the same stuff as before PLUS the fear of losing your arousal. It happens again. Next time, same thing, except the fear of losing arousal is more pronounced. See where I'm going with this?

The best thing you can do for yourself is to relax. If the underlying fear is pregnancy, discuss the possibility of her being on a form of protection while you have a condom. Hamster's better with the stats than I am, but the chances of her getting pregnant while you're properly using a condom and she's on a contraceptive are absurdly low.

I hope things work out for you two, and soon.

Hugs,
Harley

[hamster-bamster]

Very much so. Your high school math teacher should have taught you that the probability of a cooccurence of two independent events is obtained by multiplying out the probabilities of individual occurrences. So, refresh your hs math lessons and shed baseless fears.

[hamster-bamster]

To crossall the ts

Hormonal birth control, while highly effectve per se, can be rendered ineffective by drug interactions. So if she takes prescription medications, her GP should check for possible drug interactions. You said though that you are both healthy, so she most likely does not take prescription medications.

[r4331]

Harley & hamster, thank you for the info. I really appreciate the input. Her and I have been talking about it, taking it slow and not focusing on just sex. I think that's just alleviating some pressure right off the bat. I don't have that "grand sex" image in my head, it's more about each other, together, and being in the moment. We haven't had any conversation about contraceptives, but I think that's going to be something to bring up soon, and get a feel for where we stand with everything.

Thanks again for the feedback!

[Mike_J]

This isn't something that any man likes to admit but I have had the same issue, on occasion recently.

Anxiety is an erection killer, you might ask your Dr for an anti-anxiety medication has taken care of the issue for me.