Locking my partner in the toilet

I locked her in the toilet the other day and she got mad.
I think I will apologise eventually, but I really don't think this is a big deal. She doesn't have any issues from her past or claustrophobia to make her behave this way, and it's just something I did on the spur of the moment.

I was fixing her lock, then i asked her to try it, because I told her it was fixed, even though I knew it wasn't. Then she was locked in for a minute or two.

I guess she is mad because I lied about the lock being fixed.

I do not think you need a dx of claustrophobia to dislike the experience.

I was once on a subway train in Montreal when the train stopped in-between stations for some sort of a technical reason. We were stranded for a short while.

It was very very scary.

And I do not have claustrophobia.

IT we talked about how each of us need to feel we are in control as much as possible.`
You need to work on building trust with her unless you want her to leave u. If you wonder how she felt u would have to put yourself in the same position. You need to appollogise and make it better.

Why did you lie to her? What was the purpose of locking her?

No reason really, I just thought it was the perfect opportunity.

Serves you right. Why would you tell her it was fixed when you knew it wasn't? Her "past" has nothing to do with this. In addition to being a liar and a sadist, you're a manipulator - "... She doesn't have any issues from her past or claustrophobia to make her behave this way..." What an asshole.

This was more or less her reaction.

I'm not really sure if you're intentionally trying to sound like you don't understand what you did and that you have no emotion toward her reaction just to stir people up, or you genuinely have no idea why this would have upset her.

Opportunity for what?

Lying and locking your partner in the toilet in the first place seems off balance to me, but I'm also wondering why you are posting this here? Your partner has told you how she felt about it and her response is the only one that matters. It almost seems like you are bragging or wishing exterior condemnation, surprise, reaction, or attention too?

IT, have you managed to apologize to her? Was she... eh... receptive to the apology?

yes, true, in plain English (the bold part)

in Psych Parlance, that would qualify as emotional abuse, because IT decided for his partner how she should feel

see from this site:

"Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing:
- Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others?
- Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?
- When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?
- Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?”
- Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings"

Signs of Emotional Abuse | World of Psychology

So I would apologize on two independent counts:

- the prank
- the emotional abuse

Opportunistic prank is excusable, in my book, and emotional abuse is not, but hopefully she is more generous and forgiving than I would be if I were her.

Judging by what he wrote, it sounds like he was just messing around and not meaning any serious harm and only posting because he's unsure of himself as a boyfriend. It's not even comparable to emotional abuse, no way near the ballpark. Because honestly, lots of people joke around with their bf/gf like that and I'd lock my boyfriend in the toilet too just to tease him. I'm sensing a lot of butthurt on the forums tonight.

I don't think people being 'butthurt', I think a lot of people are going to read something like that and be confused.

The fact that this was posted in a sexual forum is also confusing.

For locking her in. It was just a spur of the moment decision.

Thank you for your thorough post. I like some of the phrases you use here and I will implement them in my apology.

If it was just a prank, meant for laughs, without any ill-intentions (as it seems to me) I don't understand why she's mad either. I've done that very thing to siblings and would do it again to them or bf. None of them got mad at me btw...

I'm confused by her anger, unless the other posters are right and you were just being an a.s.s, although... that makes no sense either because you seem as confused by her reaction as I am.

If you were being mean deliberately, you would have been expecting her reaction no?

I'm confused, I wouldn't have gotten angry, nor would I label fooling around abuse. When you apologize, please ask gf what about your prank was hurtful or angry-making, because I'd really like to understand

Cute prank, sorry I see it only as a prank. No big deal.

She'll NEVER forgive you for that stunt!!!!

Honestly, it would have depended on my mood. If I was having a really bad day, or I was anxious, stressed, or maybe even just a little off, or depending on how your behavior came across, I could get really, really, really upset about this. Being told how to feel in a situation would, at the very least, annoy me. But if we were joking around, enjoying the day, I probably wouldn't have gotten upset.

I think the best thing you can do is talk to her about it.

Maybe she saw your post about Miss Grocer Girl

IDK, Glad it wasn't me. The lock on the door would not have been an issue. needing new hinges would be a much grater issue. I am absolutely terrified of closed in spaces. If I didn't hyperventilate first, the hinges would be then next thing to go. Or me out the window reguardless of my size vs window size. Not funny, But I have issues. If it were in good fun then that i between you guys. But that would be at the top of things I would not forget.

One good turn deserves another. I would watch my back if I were you IT. She just might play a dirty trick on you all in good fun none the less.

Oh...

So, there was a practical purpose to locking up the gf then - IT must have wanted to go flirt with Miss Grocer Girl undisturbed

Thanks Sunburn.

We are interacting normally again and I apologised on two counts.

1. For minimising her anger towards me
2. For locking her in the toilet

Then she thanked me for fixing her toilet door.

I still haven't figured out why she was mad though. I might ask, or maybe I should just leave it alone.

She does that all the time, I think . . . i mean she always jokes that she is pregnant.

Also she always says after sex that she feels like she will definitely get pregnant this time, and that as a woman she can tell. She says these things because I told her I definitely don't want any offspring.

How nice of her!