[Brina2013]

So I am having an issue with my fiance. Several months ago I was with the father of my children. He wanted sex all the time and I detested him so I didn't and when I would I basically mentally disconnected myself from the situation and could not O from oral. To me oral is a very intimate thing and I somehow blocked it in my mind to be able to have an O. The problem now is I can't seem to allow myself that pleasure. I love my fiance and he tries sooo hard but I can't seem to let go of this mental block that I have. And I can tell it bothers him, he won't say it does but I believe it does. He is amazing and he is nothing like my kid's father I just don't understand why I am not able to just let go and enjoy. Any thoughts?

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

I know for a fact that woman have the ability to "think" themselves into an orgasm. I imagine you probably are mentally blocking yourself. Do your best to relax. practice letting go. I would steer away from oral until you are completely comfortable with penetration and can orgasm easily from it.

[Goatgrl]

Have you told your fiance what's going on? Maybe it wouldn't bother him as much if he knew that it's not him you're withdrawing from. And maybe he can help you with this, by letting you be completely in charge, directing him to do what feels good at the moment.

Beyond that, it sounds like your trust has been violated, so your mind and body are working to protect you - not necessarily from your fiance, but from a situation in which you feel vulnerable. Can you think of experiences you've had, either in childhood or as an adult, that make you cringe when you remember them? They don't have to be sexual experiences to affect you sexually. Even if it's something small and you feel silly for letting it bother you, a violation of trust can still cause problems. This might be something to discuss with a therapist.

Also, you might want to have a physical examination, to rule out any possible disorder that could be affecting you.

Best wishes!

[Big Mama]

good advice yall. A dr can check hormone levels and such to make sure things are on the up and up.

Having sex when you didn't really want to does have some affect on your brain. As badly as you want to have sex and have it to be good, it is so hard to make that switch. Your brain is indeed protecting you. If you were accustomed to "zoning out" durring sex w/ the ex hubs it is very hard to reverse. I have been there. I have had sex far to many times w/ my H and didn't really want to. It was easier to mentally go away and just wait for him to be done with me.

Now that has gotten my brain into a bad spot and I can't seem to get the O's to work in my favor. Oral used to be my favorite thing, it was a sure fire way to reach O. but not any more. It is quite frustrating in more ways then one.

Do you have a T you can work threw this with. There are things you can do to reverse this. I am working on that right now.