[Sterella]

This is an embarrassing topic, I apologize.
I am a woman, but I just don't know if I'm lesbian or not. I've never been attracted to men. And the only person I've ever felt any attraction to was my best friend (who is a girl) when we were younger. Since then, though I have had no attraction to anyone.

Though I'm not attracted to anyone, I have conflicted feelings about my sexuality. Lots of lucid sexual dreams and nagging desires in the waking hours that make me feel guilty. It makes no sense to me, don't normal people feel aroused by someone (or something)? It just comes out of nowhere for me, and lingers for long periods of time. Its just like a terrible desire that has no cause at all!

Please tell me someone knows what I'm talking about.

Hey Sterella,

I know exactly what you're talking about. I am a lesbian and I have felt what you're feeling when I first discovered who I was years ago. I didn't have it personally but I believe there is a denial phase as we discover who we are, hence the guilty feelings...

I honestly believe that sexuality is fluid and on a spectrum, not necessarily black and white. I can't tell you if you're a lesbian, only you can do that...however, if you've never been attracted to men and you find yourself attracted to women (even in dreams) that could be an indicator. It's definitely a confusing time, and I can relate to that.

I also had crushes on my girl friends when I was young. However if you have an attraction to no one at all maybe you're just asexual (not attracted sexually to anyone!). That could be something as well. I think it just takes time to really find your niche in who you are sexually...it definitely takes time. Go easy on yourself, you're not doing anything wrong.

I hope you can find some insight into yourself soon. Best wishes.

[ForeverDorks]

It could take time before you figure out your true sexuality. It could take your whole life to figure it out! Just be yourself and don't worry about it. Labels are for soup cans. You don't need to categorize yourself into one group. Just be you.

[ForeverDorks]

Just be who you are, that is all that matters.

[devilsdoughnut]

Hi sterella,

I haven't had an identical experience, but I certainly have gone through shorter periods of time with the feelings you describe. On reflection, I think much of the conflict for me was caused by a lack of representation of lesbian relationships in the world around me- until I was 18 years old I truly believed I couldn't be a lesbian because it was so rare! And partly because I'd never discussed my physical attraction to other girls when I was school-age because I was scared of the reaction.

As has already been mentioned I think sexuality is on a spectrum, and even my partner who is as lesbian as they get, says that she can feel some degree of attraction to a man, and could probably even enjoy sex with a man, but in terms of an emotionally intimate relationship as well, only a woman can fulfil that role.

Would it really be so terribly bad if you were a lesbian? An exercise that might be worth trying is thinking of all the ways in which your life would be different if you are. I did this when I was questioning and found that actually, my sexuality would have little if any bearing on the life i continue to lead.

Now, I realise this makes me fortunate compared to what some people are put through and I understand that this might actually be a triggering reply for a myriad of reasons but please know it's meant with the best intentions I just hope that whatever you do or don't come to understand, you'll have the support in place to help you adjust accordingly.

Why not join the LGBTQ group on here? It's a great place for information and support. All the best.