[CordisWords]

Hi everyone. I'm 14, high schooler, female.

Basically, I just moved to this new school after I cut my hair about chin length so I could donate it to Locks of Love. Also, I joined this program called JROTC which is about the Army and such.

Because of this, I dress in the Physical Training uniform after school everyday which is tailored to a guy's body.

One of the guys on my team said twice that I looked like a guy while keeping my bearing and with my hair back and when he pushed me on my back, he jumped back and said, "Whoa! I felt you're bra strap."

And I was like, "Ok? That's kinda creepy."

And he was like, "Well, I just think of you as a guy so I guess I didn't expect it."




Anyways, that didn't really bother me that much since I know I'm a petite person to begin with and the shirt and shorts are much too large for me. Of course he would think of me that way.

However, a few days ago, he comes up to me very nervously and asks, "Do I tell you if one of my friends thinks you're cute?"

And I'm like, "It's your choice. Don't you have any other girl friends to ask?"

And he's like, "Yeah, she thinks you're cute."

And I'm stunned. I'm...pretty sure I'm straight, but at this age, I don't know.... I've never met anyone that is a homosexual, not that I have anything against it at all.

I remember in elementary school, I used to wonder if I could marry my best friend, like not in a romantic way, but just so we could be chained to each other. Like if we were "married", then we would never have to leave each other and we could stay BFF's without growing apart.

Is that a sign that I'm a repressed lesbian? Should I be worried? Should I embrace it? Sigh, I just don't know. Why is everything so confusing? And I don't even know this girl. Should I inquire about who it is? How should I feel? Help

[Harley47]

Hi Cordis. Congrats on JROTC...I used to be a Cadet Lieutenant Colonel, AJROTC. lol I know what that's all like.

I wouldn't worry much about it. Things can be a little confusing at 14, sure, but you're not (to me anyway) sending any signals that would flag to me anything. Your elementary school thoughts on marrying your best friend are completely normal for that age...lol I didn't understand when I was a child (like 4 or 5, maybe?) why I couldn't marry mom for the exact same reasons. Nothing at all to be concerned about.

As far as the uniform and hair goes (which kudos to you for such a selfless act ), don't worry about it. The uniform does have a tendency to make everyone look identical...lol part of the point of the uniform. Remember, uniform is formed from two Latin words, "unis" and "forma," meaning literally "one form" (and yes, you'll have to know that for tests, at least you did when I ran my battalion ). Him thinking of you as "one of the guys" isn't unusual for the culture that forms with JROTC/military life.

So nothing to worry about, I don't think. Relax and enjoy high school! And JROTC...I miss that, in a lot of regards. I would've done ROTC and the military as a JAG had I not messed my back/leg up (don't overdo yourself in PT ).

My best,
C/LTC Harley47

[CordisWords]

Originally Posted by Harley47

Hi Cordis. Congrats on JROTC...I used to be a Cadet Lieutenant Colonel, AJROTC. lol I know what that's all like.

I wouldn't worry much about it. Things can be a little confusing at 14, sure, but you're not (to me anyway) sending any signals that would flag to me anything. Your elementary school thoughts on marrying your best friend are completely normal for that age...lol I didn't understand when I was a child (like 4 or 5, maybe?) why I couldn't marry mom for the exact same reasons. Nothing at all to be concerned about.

As far as the uniform and hair goes (which kudos to you for such a selfless act ), don't worry about it. The uniform does have a tendency to make everyone look identical...lol part of the point of the uniform. Remember, uniform is formed from two Latin words, "unis" and "forma," meaning literally "one form" (and yes, you'll have to know that for tests, at least you did when I ran my battalion ). Him thinking of you as "one of the guys" isn't unusual for the culture that forms with JROTC/military life.

So nothing to worry about, I don't think. Relax and enjoy high school! And JROTC...I miss that, in a lot of regards. I would've done ROTC and the military as a JAG had I not messed my back/leg up (don't overdo yourself in PT ).

My best,
C/LTC Harley47

Thanks. You would not believe the relief I'm feeling right now. And yay for Latin! I'm in Latin II right now and it's nice to see someone actually using it, hehe. There's a lot more people in sort form of JROTC than I thought...None of the surrounding high schools around me do. Thank you Cadet Lieutenant Colonel Harley47

Just a Private,

Cordis

[Harley47]

You're very welcome! Glad I could help.

And yes, Latin is quite useful. lol I took up to 202 in college, finishing up my foreign language requirement last year. I don't regret it for a moment.

[growlithing]

You should feel however you do feel. There is nothing wrong with being confused. Life is confusing, especially at 14 years old. That is such a confusing point in your life. You are just starting to figure out who you are, what you like, and what you stand for. I changed so much as a person between the ages of 14 and my high school graduation you wouldn't believe. Being confused at 14 is so normal it would almost be weird if you weren't.

Maybe you're straight, maybe you're not. I know it probably feels like you have to figure all of this out right now, but the reality of the situation is that you have the rest of your entire life to figure out what you like and you don't have to try and fit it neatly into a category. Certainly don't worry about it because even if you are a lesbian, there is nothing wrong with it.

If you want to figure out who she is, go for it. Give it a try and experiment if you'd like, but BE UPFRONT with her about it from the beginning. Tell her you are questioning and you aren't sure what you are into. Don't led her on. If you don't want to give it a try, you aren't obligated to. You are NEVER obligated to do anything you don't want to do.

But I wouldn't read much into the whole wanting to marry your best friend when you were in elementary school thing. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a dog. Just try to relax and take things slow. There is no deadline to figuring this stuff out.

[Pandoren]

I first got suspicions that I wasn't straight at 13 and it took me years to come to a conclusion that turned out to be completely wrong. I don't think I'm alone in that! I remember how confused I was though and for how long, so I sympathise with you. Don't do anything you don't want to do and I think at 14 you could afford to just put your focus into whatever you enjoy and whatever you want to do and perhaps more "evidence" for your orientation will come along in its own time.

As an aside, it's possible that her saying you are cute isn't an indication of her homosexuality. I've known straight women complimenting other women's appearance, cute being a word used. She might have been party to this guy or his friend saying you were cute and agreed with/encouraged those thoughts by giving her approval of your cuteness factor.

Anyway, I also agree with others that the whole "married to best friend" thing isn't an indicator of anything. I think we naturally flock to others of the same sex before we hit puberty and become close with members of the same sex and it is all innocent before we hit a certain age (I say "we" because I bypassed that part of life lol). Using it as "evidence"... the thing with that is that you interpret it by what happens later. If you are straight, you will forget that event. If you do discover homo/bisexuality, you will take that event as evidence. In itself, it doesn't mean anything either way.

[CordisWords]

Originally Posted by Pandoren

I first got suspicions that I wasn't straight at 13 and it took me years to come to a conclusion that turned out to be completely wrong. I don't think I'm alone in that! I remember how confused I was though and for how long, so I sympathise with you. Don't do anything you don't want to do and I think at 14 you could afford to just put your focus into whatever you enjoy and whatever you want to do and perhaps more "evidence" for your orientation will come along in its own time.

As an aside, it's possible that her saying you are cute isn't an indication of her homosexuality. I've known straight women complimenting other women's appearance, cute being a word used. She might have been party to this guy or his friend saying you were cute and agreed with/encouraged those thoughts by giving her approval of your cuteness factor.

Anyway, I also agree with others that the whole "married to best friend" thing isn't an indicator of anything. I think we naturally flock to others of the same sex before we hit puberty and become close with members of the same sex and it is all innocent before we hit a certain age (I say "we" because I bypassed that part of life lol). Using it as "evidence"... the thing with that is that you interpret it by what happens later. If you are straight, you will forget that event. If you do discover homo/bisexuality, you will take that event as evidence. In itself, it doesn't mean anything either way.

Thank you so much! I'm...yeah, I guess in "that stage". I'm really...relieved... Again, thanks

[MarlboroChick]

Flaming dyke checking in. People talk about signs and all that but the core of the matter is, are you sexually and emotionally attracted to girls? If you are but you still like guys, you might be bisexual. If it's just girls, you might be gay. Or you might be confused. Time sorts feelings out the best. If you want to, you can try to experiment with things but I get that a lot of people your age aren't really ready for that.

About the not knowing anyone that's gay, you probably do but you just don't know it. Society conditioned a lot of people to think that if a gay guy/girl doesnt follow all the queer stereotypes, the must be either confused or lying or whatever, but its not true at all.

I wouldnt be worried at all. If you turn out to be gay, its just another part of who you are. Gay people arent just 'gay' its just an aspect of them. It would be healthy, if you realize you are gay, to work on embracing it for sure. You could ask the girl what she meant; i agree that a lot of straight girls compliment and 'flirt' with each other like that, because women tend to be more touchy and just like that.