[Le gra go deo]

I'll get right to the point, the wife and I have been together for around 10 years, married for 8, we have a 5 year old son who means the whole world to me. She and I have slept in separate beds since he was born and sex may happen once every two weeks or so, the problem is, she doesn't enjoy sex, doesn't like kissing at all and is never into it at all. I on the other hand, like any healthy strong 37 year old man could go for it around 3 or 4 times a day, I have great stamina, love to kiss and I'm a very passionate person. I have a professional job in an office setting and always conduct myself in just that way, even though I don't have any women that work for me I have found that when around attractive women my mouth starts watering and my pheromones start pumpin, kind of animalistic in a sense. I fantasize all through the day and have started sort of curiously exploring the local sex sites, I haven't engaged in anything like that but boy is it tempting, I'm really starting to feel the pressure, it's a very lonely feeling being a married man and having these thoughts and desires. I know that if I were to go through with something like this I could loose everything (That would mean my son) I'm torn and I've caught myself getting real frustrated lately. What I need for you guys and gals to do is talk me out of this and shoot me some advise.
P.S. I've had endless talks to her about my sexual unhappiness but I will not subject my son to a broken home like I grew up in so this is a tough one. Thanks in advance.

[wife22]

Did she let you know what is the culprit for her avoidance of intimacy? you should have had something at one point to get married,she must have enjoyed once,or you would have noticed. Maybe it is worth checking her hormonal level or occult depression.Sorry,didn't want to be forward ,not being judgmental ....just has seen a lot of issues resolved with that,if once things were fine

[Truth in Ruin]

You want me to talk you out of it? Okay... If you cheat on your wife (who has been loyal to both you, and tour son), you'll have wasted a decade of her life, and yours. Is it still worth it? If so, let me continue; your son's childhood would be dramatically changed, because his father refused to use his head, (and his hand).

So lets say you decide to have an affair, do you think you'd be able to lie, and cheat on your wife without feeling guilty about it? I bet not. And so, it would make your life worse than it is right now.

I will commend you a bit for coming to this board, and seeking help, and suggestions before actually cheating on your spouse. So for that I will say good job, Sir.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Le gra go deo

I on the other hand, like any healthy strong 37 year old man could go for it around 3 or 4 times a day, I have great stamina, love to kiss and I'm a very passionate person.

Okay, I think you're missing something here. Why does she want to sleep in a different bed and is not enjoying sex? I think you need to start thinking about her a little more.

It sounds to me like your wife probably went through some kind of post-partum depression that has escalated to the point of disassociation. Focus on her needs, she may need some help that is outside of your sexual needs. If you focus more on her and get her the help it sounds like she needs, you may find that things go back to the way they were with sex more often and more passion in your relationship.


And now my rant

A man is not defined by his ability to procreate. A 15-year old kid has stamina and can have sex 3-4 times a day.

A man is defined by his honor. Cheating on someone is cowardly and a way of running away from problems. "Man-up" and do what's right, not what feels good at the time.

[Big Mama]

ok, lets assume for a min I am the wife.... I have been threw this same senerio with my H. I have 3 kids.

These issues may not be the same as your wife's. Just sime idea's to get you headed in the right direction and asking the right questions.
1. I don't want to be missed with much in a sexual manner. I am a stay at home mom. If another requests love and affection from me I am going to go crazy. That is issue number one. I spend al day taking care of the needs of others. The one person who can help me comes home and wants affection to.

2. exhaustion. What can you do to help. Nothing turns a woman on more then a man running the dishwasher, folding clothes or running the vacuum.

3. sex doesn't happen with a woman's body, you have to make love to her brain first. If she feels your love emotionally then you will feel her love physicially.

4. Has there been any kind of past issues before you two met. I am jsut asking. I had been raped before my H and I ever met, and my family situation was not a good one and that left life time scars, which now after being married 19 years are being brought up with T.

5. Cheating is not the answer. It is a lie you will have to live with forever, or a horrible truth that will cause your marriage to end.

6. Postpartum depression doesn't just happen immediately after baby is born, it can happen later as well. Have you suggested T, marriage T or T alone. I wish we would have gotten T before we had been married for 18 years. The sooner the better. Waiting in my case has caused the issues we have to go on far to long.

7. Is she a stay at home mom or does she work. The work load could be to much or staying at home with no money could be to much. Money is a huge way to make one feel trapped.

Just a few suggestions.

[Phreak]

Try relationship therapy

[wife22]

you chose "love forever" (le gra go deo?),You had it at one point,you believed in it enough to chose the saying. So what is holding you back? Intimacy for woman does not start when your desire kicks in,it start in the morning :it is a longing look you give her,it is simple things you do for her-making her coffee,taking care of your son and letting her have time off,sometimes simply watching the man playing with his son or doing something around the house can be very sexy.....she might be feeling inadequate after having a kid,things change for women .As a woman I can say I wanted my H help and emotional connection,wanted to be held without anticipating intercourse after childbirth.Reconnect with her and you'll have a passionate woman to deal with.
IS E DO BHAILE DO CHAISLEAN

[growlycat]

To be fair, she doesn't seem to be making the effort to talk about it. If she isn't willing to go for couples counseling,(this is coming from a woman), it it time to separate if not divorce. She can't expect you to be happy for years on end in an affection-free relationship.

Cheating is a mess, you will lose so many people's respect--eventually your son's too (kids always find out eventually.) Divorce is hard on kids but not as hard as living with two people who hate each other.

[Le gra go deo]

Wow, a lot of interesting feedback on this one, thanks guys. In a nut shell, she is a professional woman who is also a very type "A" personality, OC about house cleaning, everything has its place etc, etc, she did experience quite a serious case of post partum after having our son and I'm sure quite a bit of it is due to hormonal levels and a touch of depression, I have talked to her about this and given her advice. I've seriously tried getting her to come with me to do fun things but its like she takes an active approach to not liking anything that I enjoy, she really has no hobbies and has sort of made our son her everything, always taking him to do things, mostly without me. Not saying that is wrong because that's how I feel to a degree, I just feel our relationship is important to. She's never been the type of woman who likes to cuddle or even likes to get flowers if that's not weird enough by itself, I help around the house and me and my son have a great relationship, I almost feel like she has more manly qualities then womanly. We have gone to a couple of counseling sessions to no avail. Just not sure what to do at this point, my house is my castle but I don't feel much like a king, so tired of being lonely and miss the affection of a warm and loving woman.