In one of my threads in the anxiety forum, I came across something that's more relevant to this forum.

I hate generalizing, but my mind tends to generalize men (whether I like it or not) as being someone who is going to guilt me or force me into sex or anything of a sexual nature. I understand that there may be more of a need for sex in guys, but is it that common to care so little about their partner's feelings that you just ignore them because you "need" sex?

From the other thread:

But no one is going to date someone with a touch problem (and they can tell based on my conflicting body language) and disappear before I can even explain why there's a problem, it's not about them, and I'm willing to work on it. But no…for guys at least, all they want to do is have sex constantly and I need to get comfortable just holding hands. No guy is going to go that long without sex so they'll just cheat on me…I just don't understand why sex is so important to people that they would purposely hurt their partner in order to have it. And that's coming from someone who is pretty much obsessed with thinking about sex. I may need to move this thread to the Sexual Issues forum…but I'm so turned off by the fact that I will be guilted or forced into doing things against my will. That's part of the anxiety—I give an inch, they'll take a mile and I only feel like I trust someone not to force me into something if they DON'T touch me and stay out of my space at first.

I went back on OkCupid again and will probably delete my profile soon again. Why? Because nearly every guy indicates that he wants to have sex with their partner everyday after they start having sex. So, now I'm afraid to even get to know them…and if we were to date I'd be afraid to ever have sex and start that cycle of having to have sex with someone daily or they leave or cheat. Seriously. I really want to believe that dating a guy isn't as much torture as I constantly read on here or other places. I already have a 50% chance (according to statistics) that I've going to be verbally abused. Isn't that way more than enough? Why do guys hate women so much? Because a lot of us don't want to have sex constantly? What did women do that caused this trend? Is it really about sex or is there some other awful thing we did to guys in the past that we're still paying for?

And guys wonder why it's difficult to find women who want to have sex with them…sigh.

[LadyShadow]

I completely agree. I wouldn't want to have sex everyday either. OK Cupid is a horrible place to search for a mate. Its just like Plenty of Fish. Nothing but horndogs. I have someone I talk to every night so I am not really longing to meet someone.

But when I do find someone I don't want to have sex every day. I know what you mean, and I agree with you. You're not alone in your feelings.

[Webgoji]

Not every guy wants sex every day and will guilt their partner into it. Part of the reason they're on those sites is because they never really learned how to be considerate of their partner's needs.

Don't worry, he's out there. It's just a pain in the butt trying to find him.

It's not just on dating sites though…even on here (and other places), the main complaints in relationships is either abuse or the other person in the relationship is selfish because they aren't having enough sex with the other person. And I'm not trying to say the guy is always the one in the wrong in these situations, but it does seem to be a high statistical possibility that if I ever were to date a guy that I'm going to be abused and/or guilted into sex. I mean, it really isn't fair to the guy if I can't physically keep up with other females my age. I mean, I have to already make up for the fact that I'm a late-bloomer sexually, weird (and not always in the good way, bitter/angry.

I mean, any actual nice guy is going to be terrified of me and for good reason. I mean, I've seen/experienced enough abuse that I'm sick of it. And while I'm a nice, non-judgmental person, if I feel like a guy is even toeing the line of being offensive/disrespectful etc. etc., s*** is going to get real. Very quickly. I've been trained to see men as the enemy until they prove otherwise. And I'm not going to change that attitude because I don't want to be seen as a possible victim ever again.

I really wish that I was straight-up lesbian because then I wouldn't automatically hate one of the genders I'm attracted to.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

And while I'm a nice, non-judgmental person, if I feel like a guy is even toeing the line of being offensive/disrespectful etc. etc., s*** is going to get real. Very quickly. I've been trained to see men as the enemy until they prove otherwise. And I'm not going to change that attitude because I don't want to be seen as a possible victim ever again.

I really wish that I was straight-up lesbian because then I wouldn't automatically hate one of the genders I'm attracted to.

Hmm ... I don't think this is about guys being jerks about sex. Could it be more that you need more work to overcome the events in your past?

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

And while I'm a nice, non-judgmental person ...

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I've been trained to see men as the enemy until they prove otherwise. And I'm not going to change that attitude because I don't want to be seen as a possible victim ever again.

You say you're not judgmental, but then add that men are the enemy unless proven otherwise. Maybe you're seeing proof that they are the enemy instead of seeing them as individuals? That guy X is a jerk and guy Y is actually a kind and caring person?