What do you/would like to know about BDSM

In my speech 1A class I am doing a group presentation. We chose Gender Identity and Sexual Expression as our main theme, and each of us is presenting a different sub-topic.

I am doing BDSM.

What I present about BDSM has to be tailored to the needs of my audience, which is my Speech 1A class, the mode age being 16-20. I have to assume that my audience knows little to nothing about BDSM.

This opens the door to a wide range of topics within BDSM that I could talk about. However, there is so much about BDSM that I could talk about--and I only have 5 minutes 30 seconds to speak--that I need to limit myself to one or two aspects of BDSM.

One idea to help the audience relate to my topic is by discussing 50 Shades of Grey and separating the fantasy of the book to the reality (because the book has very little real BDSM in it). Another idea was to discuss consent and safe sex, which is one of the more important aspects of BDSM, but I don't know how I'd be able to get the audience to relate to that.

So my question is what you would like to know about BDSM that you don't know already or what about BDSM might be good to talk about? Thank you.

I'm not so sure that 50 Shades merits anything other than the declaration that it's ridiculously far away from most experiences in BDSM.

If you talk about the ssc aspect, it might be a little ummm shocking to your age group.

Personally, I would simply introduce D/s. It's easy to understand and, in my opinion quite relateable to since the non-sexual aspect is simply a throwback to most marriages in the 50's......Sexually, you won't have to get too freaky.....most men and women have tied another to the bed at some point.....

Just my opinion...

Do you have experience with BDSM yourself?

It's something I identify with.

I understand that but is it something you have practiced?

Not with another person (expcept for some brief encounters of dressing in role play) but you'd be amazed what I can accomplish by myself.

My personal experience with BDSM wont be related to my speech.

I'm wondering why you would speak publicly about something you've had very little experience with in a relationship?

It's something I feel strongly about much like the desires of LGBT when I went through a biseuxal phase. Now I'm into BDSM. I feel close to BDSM in a relationship. I've found people to connect with this through my interests. I want people to understand this is not just for people into whips and chains, it's for people with any fantasy they find to be abnormal. Again, this speech is not about my views but about a general sense of BDSM

Fair enough. Have you checked out FetLife? It can be a really useful source of information. Have you also tried researching the various BDSM activities you are curious about? There are internet forums on every possible act imaginable.

I began with fetlife, as I have an account there. They won't let me use resources of their members as it intereferes with fetlife's privacy policy, but they did lend me some resources I could work with.

I'm just wondering, what do people wonder about BDSM. What do they have questions about, since it is something rather controversial. I'm wondering what I could base my research after. What do people want to know about BDSM without totally confusing them.

What i have found in my personal experience, is that a LOT of people don't even know what BDSM is. I'm very open about it to people, and i freely discuss it with anyone if they wish to hear.
I usually havre to go back to S&M to draw any kind of recognition to the idea of it. It seems to be the most commonly acquainted aspect of it. From their i will expound on how it is more than just sadism and masochism. I try not to go too far into the dynamics of it because i know i will lose people. I try not to explain things in the context of emotion because again, they will not likely understand.

I show people my scars sometimes and they ask me "didn't that hurt?" (rhetorically, i assume). It seems to me that most people that don't know or don't understand it, want to know WHY. Why do the people involved in this sub culture have these desires and how are we ble to put ourselves in the position to have them fulfilled. Aren't ewe afriad of getting irepably damaged? Aren't we afraid of irrepably damaged someone? Are we a control freak? Why do you want someone to order you around? It's mostly just an inability of being able to relate that I think throws people off. My best response is to compare it to the things that they enjoy doing in life that all have their own little risks and specified interests. for instance.: I don't enjoy dirt bike racing and i don't understand why someone would put themselves in the position to become financially, legally, and physically in danger for that rush. But people do it and it makes them happy.

Well, spelled out BDSM is Bondage/Discipline, Dom/Sub, Sadism/Masochism. That in itself could take up my whole speech. I want to keep it light and not lose people too.

There is a lot of misunderstanding out there about BDSM, and it looks like you have a prime opportunity to clear some of that misunderstanding up for some people.

First of all, kink is not abuse. Nothing happens that isn't consensual. The one thing 50 Shades got right was the contract, even though it didn't go too much into the details. Yes, that is a thing. In addition to contracts, there are "hard limits" and "soft limits". A soft limit is something a sub/bottom is timid about but may interested in or at least not opposed to, while a hard limit is basically the sub/bottom considers a no-no. These limits are made clear, discussed, and are usually part of the contract.

Kink is also a spectrum. Some couples just engage in some light bondage or spanking on occasion to spice things up, and others think of it as a lifestyle they live 24/7. Some subs have no submissive tendencies outside the bedroom (I know a sub who is a highly driven, domineering project manager in her day to day life), while others let their Dom(me)s go so far as to tell them what to wear and when and what to eat. Then there are top/bottom dynamics, in which there's not so much of a power exchange as in a Dom(me)/ sub relationship.

To give a little bit of a personal example of the kink spectrum, I am both kinky and poly. I am a Dom, but the D/s aspect of my relationship with my sub (who is also my best friend) doesn't extend far beyond the physical, and to the extent that it does, it's pretty much just kinky flirting. Sometimes, if she feels like playing around with some role reversal, I let her top me (meaning take the dominant role, although not to the extent I do with her). We also have a triad type relationship with another woman, and while there may be some playful spanking and light bondage and even some topping and bottoming going on, when the three of us have sex, it's as generally just about as vanilla as a threesome can be.

The final thing, and something I think is very important to mention considering the age group of your audience: There is a huge difference between 'dominant' and 'domineering'. This stems from what I said about kink not being abuse, but it goes a bit further. I have seen a number of self-entitled Doms (usually young and almost always male) being downright disrespectful and even cruel to their subs, to the point of actually being abusive. I know of subs who have been given 'assignments' (in this case, sleeping with nipple clamps on) that would cause permanent nerve damage. I know of one guy who told his sub to get breast implants; he didn't suggest it, ask if she'd ever thought about it, or even offer to pay for it, just told her to go out and get cosmetic surgery she didn't want and was upset her response wasn't "yes, Master" (it was "get lost", by the way. Also, she has beautiful, natural breasts). I've seen abusive men exploiting the term Dom to pray on inexperienced subs.

To be a Dom, to be dominant, doesn't mean to dominate; it means to control. A good Dom(me) is in complete control of a scene. First and foremost, that means being in control of one's self. It also means being in control of the situation -- being responsible for and cognizant of my sub's physical safety; knowing her well enough to recognize, even if she doesn't, when to stop pushing a soft limit; attending to her aftercare, giving her encouragement, and being tender with her when she's coming down from a scene. It's only when I'm in control of myself and in control of the scene and fulfilling my responsibilities as a good Dom that she can fully surrender control and submit herself to me; it's only then when her fantasies can truly be fulfilled.

In short, a good BDSM relationship (even if the relationship is only in the bedroom/ dungeon) isn't about bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, or masochism; those are just the methods. It's about openness and communication; it's about comfort exploring one's passions and comfort with the person you choose to explore those passions with; and mostly it's about trust. So pretty much, it's no different from any other good relationship.

I applaud your efforts to research a topic so huge. It's like attempting to explain the Olympic games in five minutes.
BDSM is so many things to so many people....with no rules or boundaries save for those made by the people in the relationship, that I'm not sure that it's a containable topic. Perhaps easier to define BDSM as everything that is outside the box.....

It sounds overwhelming to try to explain it to anyone with any kind of time frame, hence my suggestion of choosing one aspect (which, in itself, can include ANY kinky play....so even that isn't wholly definitive).

Good luck to you.

Thank you so much for the information. This is a great place to start.

Glad to share. If you have any questions feel free to message me.

Read Richard's post like six times, and commit it to memory. That's about the most apt and honest summation of BDSM I think I've ever read. Seriously, well done sir.

Keep in mind, you're going into a topic with a LOT of misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding it, and something that is rarely openly discussed. A good way to start the speech, I think, would be to mention 50 Shades and how many equate that as what BDSM is. Speak on that briefly, and then *shatter* the notion. It'll get their attention PDQ.

Do you recall my understanding of BDSM when I was new around here? Asking you to stretch your memory a bit, but I'd argue that is what most people who don't understand it are like. There's a general feel for it, but a lack of understanding as to terms, acts, and the biggest point...why. If you put the "why people do it" part towards the end, I think it'd let you end your speech on a thought provoking and emotive note...people like their warm fuzzies.

So, if I were in your audience? Grab my attention. That's the first part. If you're boring me, I'm out...ask my Christian Ethics professor. Explain to me some of the terms, but only the key points...don't give your audience a vocabulary test. I'd want to know procedure, such as consent, limits, and lifestyle. I would want to know, after you've explained all this, why someone would do this. It creates a nice dichotomy in your speech...you're posing an idea that involves what most would equate as pain, which will sit negatively in your audience, and then you're taking that negativity and flipping it on its head by showing the amount of trust and respect that has to go into a BDSM relationship for it to work. End it with a expression that you hope to have cleared up any misunderstandings, and ask for questions if you've time.

lol I managed to pull of an A in public speaking, and my talking speed is a little over light speed and I tend to tongue tie myself as a result. You should be fine.

Good luck! If I can do anything to help, I'm open to proof reads, and if you want, I can try to revert to my old "what the hello kitty is BDSM?" self if you need to bounce an idea off the audience.

Hugs,
Harley

I've actually never read 50 shades of grey... but everyone seems to have this sh!tty opinion of it. haha.
If you are going to be comparing your own gatherings of what BDSM is and comparing it to the book, you should consider that a lot of other people might not have read it either. That might be confusing to them, as well.
If you were to bring up a reference from the book to me, I wouldn't know wtf you were talking about, so the point would largely be lost.

I don't think I need to read an excerpt from it, but I'd be going on the basis of most people have had at least heard of it and heard it was a crappy book. But that does make a point where I can't spend the whole five minutes comparing it if most people have never read it.

What about displaying instruments such as flogger, paddle, riding crop and showing how to use it?

Meh, I dunno about that. I would suppose most people would get the basic premise from it, and I worry the...novelty...of it might actually detract from the overall presentation (keep in mind, I'm thinking of my group of friends in level of maturity ). A visual aid would be great (and you'd probably get a few bonus points for using one), but it shouldn't domineer (pardon the pun ) and overshadow the speech.

That makes sense.

I'm sorry, you absolutely cannot show how to use it....You need to have good technique, you need somewhat of an almost psychic connection with your partner because it's all about knowing her reaction to intensity, the frequency the pauses.....how and when the chemicals in her brain switch from "ow" to "oooh", recognizing sub-space....

Just my opinion...

mmmmmmmmm floaty floaty sub-space

I can honestly say that in all my 'play' I have never had feelings or a 'connection' to the person I was with. i just got to know them well enough to know they weren't a psycho ( i would take precautions regardless) and then we would get around to doing stuff. I didn't really know them outside of play, and I didn't really want to. I swapped out over the years on a lot of temp. Doms (some I only saw once or twice), and we all knew full well what was expected. There wasn't a relationship, and to me it really was just Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism (although I only really get into a couple of these areas). There is no deeper, underlying meaning behind it for me. No connection to a person. Nothing spiritual or zen. It's just a carnal outlet. Tbh, a lot of people in this subculture kind of look down on people like me for having that mindset. BDSM is just a means to an end for some people. Dom for an evening, sub for night... whatever. It's all fun and games. Not to say that i don't have tendencies in my daily life, but the practical aspect of it is just that...practical. The point I'm trying to get at is that Not everyone involved in BDSM is looking for meaning within it. You might also want to keep that in mind when you have your discussion.

I think the first question people might have would be 'why do people enjoy being hurt or hurting others? Are they just mentally ill? Do they have a history of being abused or neglected? Can people in these relationships feel love for each other or is it something else?'