Is this Selfish of Me?

On Tuesday I have a consultation with a urologist to have a vasectomy done. Even though I am 23 years old and many folks believe I am not old enough to make this kind of decision, I am confident that I do not and never will want children, and that this is the best decision for me. The basic reasons I have are that…

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I was abused as a child and I believe I would make for a bad father
• I don’t have the patience to raise a child or be around children.
• I don’t want the expense of having a child and have more important things, both now and in the future, to focus on.
• I believe there are enough humans populating our world as it is.
• I don’t believe I could love a child and I think it is better to not have one than resent it like my father did to me.

Overall I don’t see the purpose of having a child and don’t believe I am fit to have one. I would describe myself as somewhat anti-social, and I barely have the patience to tolerate animals like dogs and cats because I don’t like to be disturbed.

I am in a relationship and I like being in a relationship, but she understands when I need to be alone, and we can communicate with each other about our needs. A baby or a child doesn’t understand this. The thought of a screaming, whiny child or baby that needs so much attention seems like a living nightmare for me.

A vasectomy I believe is a wise decision for me, especially since I would like to have sex too and want to reduce the risk of pregnancy as much as possible.

However I worry that having a vasectomy done is a selfish decision; my mother talks incessantly about wanting grandchildren, and I fear that if she were to find out about this she would be hurt.

At the same time, I don’t want to live my life how she wants me to, because it is my life, and I do believe this is something that is best for me.

What are your thoughts?

I've talked about getting my tubes tied here before and got a lot of responses telling me I'm too young for that, I'll change my mind later, blah blah blah.

I don't understand why men need to do this. They're not the ones who get pregnant, and I think it's different with guys because I don't think they get the same spiel of how it's a selfish act to give up having children.

I don't think you should worry about getting a vasectomy just yet.

Honestly, you are safe using condoms and having your girl friend take birth control.

I don't think it's selfish. I do however, think it's a bit extreme. When we feel passionately about something, we sometimes tend to lean towards drastic actions.
Your decision not not have children is your alone and if you feel comfortable in that then no one should ever be allowed to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. However, there are plenty of ways to avoid pregnancies without making an irreversible decision. Like Skipper said, you'd be just as safe with condoms or other forms of birth control.

Hi Yoghurtz, I'd say that your reasons for wanting a vasectomy are so well considered. You've obviously put a lot of thought and feeling into your considerations. And whether you want to do this or not is your decision, you can't make major decisions such as having/not having children around what other people want.
BUT you ARE only 23 and if you consider that SO much will/might have happened for/to you in the next 7....10.....15......20 years. We're talking big chunks of time here and people's feelings, beliefs, values, wishes can change so much with different life experiences over time.
I'm not going to say this will absolutely, definitely change for you (no-one can!) but I'm just saying give yourself a chance, and give the person you may become at 30...35..... a chance too to just have that opportunity to say "Yes, actually........you know.....".
And you know, part of this decision is based on the hurt you've experienced in the past, which is absolutely understandable. So maybe bring the attention back to you and get some (more?) help in dealing with/addressing what you've been through. It sounds like it must have been really painful for you and still has to be deep down. Give yourself the chance to be able to live the life you want to without it/your decisions being tainted as much by what went on for you. YOU deserve that!!!
Best wishes
Alison

I agree it's a bit much, more than necessary. But in the same light I've known plenty of unmarried men that got them done so they wouldn't have children. It's a personal choice.

I will say that at 23 I knew I didn't want children. Now not only do I have 2 at home still, but my daughter is grown and married and we have 2 grandchildren. So ... I guess things change. I wouldn't change that for the world.

I got neutered after my youngest son was born. For that first weekend and about a week after an ice pack is your best friend in the whole wide world.

Hi. You are not selfish to consider that you do not want children. This decision to have or not have a child is up to you, not your mother. However, you are very young. You do not know what may change in your heart or soul or mind. When I was in my early 20's I did not want children either. By the time I was in my late 20's it had become a great desire of mine. I did a lot of growing up in my 20's.
You may not see it happening, but you may change your mind about this one day. Vasectomy is basically considered unreversable. Now if you were 35 and said all the same things, I would probably totally agree with you.
Surgery is drastic. Give it a lot more thought. There are other methods that will do until you get older.

The choice is yours buddy. Might want to have some sperm frozen just in case you change your mind. I understand though. I chose not to have children because I was told by people I trusted that in order to be a good father you need to have had a good father. I didn't have a good father and I didn't want to be a bad father. There seem to be a lot of those.

No, being selfish is having unprotected sex, bringing children into the world and then being too lazy to provide for them. At least you aren't one of these people.