My teenage son thinks he might be gay

Help! I don't even know what to think. My son is 15, and has had one relationship with a girl a few months ago. He often talked about how much he enjoyed sitting close to her and how beautiful she was. They never kissed. He said they broke up b/c she wasn't ready for a relationship yet.
Five days ago he told me he thinks he is gay. I'm so in shock. I never saw it in him. Can he be sure at this age? Can it be he is making a choice/influenced by others/unsure? He says he has only known for a few weeks. Is this normal? I was under the impression that most people always knew their sexual orientation.
I told him that I love him and will stand by him no matter what, but I'm having a hard time with all the emotions this week. I'm feeling very confused. He seems to think I should be happy about it, but really, I can't imagine any parent would want this for their child. It looks like a hard life.
Any thoughts, or help would be appreciated. Thanks so much!

HI Galetre, My name is Dillon, I am 31 years old and gay. It is very possible for your son to know at 15, I came out of the closet very early, at 14 actually, freshman year. I would really hope that you do not take this as a tragedy or something negative, many great men throughout history were gay... and the worst thing you can do for him is to reject him or not support him. I can tell you that at 15, my father hated it, he was abusive and i was subjected to being beat up and having the police at the house, etc.. I was very much "hated" on in high school, but see, now a days the kids don't really make a big deal of it, they have Gay straight alliances in schools etc... GLEE is on TV among many other shows, modern family etc... You don't know how lucky you are to have him able to "come out" or start to in this age, he would have been subjected to a lot of bad stuff as I was, it was not the norm, but there are homosexuals found in every species on the planet and only one species that makes a big deal out of it. Can you guess what one that is? I never could understand what the big deal was... Your "SHOCK" is more of a "He is not who i thought he was" isnt it?

You are talking about the stereo type of gay guy btw.
If you were to meet me on the street you would assume I was straight, I hunt and fish, camp, chop wood, skin animals... Being gay is no more a part of me as being straight is to you, its just a small part of who i am. The same goes for your son, I could defiantly understand if he was over the top GAY PRIDE PARADE material, but he doesn't sound like it to me. Only he knows the answer to if he is gay or not. Mind you he may be testing the waters to see how you respond, but if you reject that idea you will push him into the closet and into a depression or a life of confusion. In my opinion.

It is only a hard life because people aren't accepting of it. Some people don't like interracial marriage either, but as long as both people love each other and are happy and treat each other right, it should matter who they are with. He can know at that age. I have known I was bisexual all my life even though I went into denial about it before. Just do your best to be supportive of him and that will make this life easier. You can't help who you love or who you're attracted to. I'm sure you have known people who are together and their parents don't approve of their relationship. Your son will make it his own way and do what's best for his own happiness even if some people don't agree with it. We all have to do what is best for us as individuals. He will be glad to have your support and your love.

Well I don't see that being straight is any easier. Ask yourself this. Would you rather he go through the pain of lying to himself and getting into a relationship with a girl that doesn't make him happy, but that he is ultimately trapped in or would you rather he be true to himself and actually be happy?

My biggest concern would be how he goes about exploring his sexuality. There are just as many misleading influences out there for a young gay teen as there are for straight teens. He is still an impressionable youth and telling the fiction from the reality will be a challenge for him.

So one of the things you'll want to focus on is his sexual health. Experimentation is fine and is going to happen with or without your consent. But make sure that when and if he finds a partner that he knows how to protect both himself.

Maybe talking to his doctor will be a good place to start.

Thanks so much for the support in this! I am feeling a lot of confusion. I have always had the attitude that it shouldn't matter what someone's sexual preference is unless you are planning on having a sexual relationship with them. I am glad that this generation is more tolerant and accepting of people's differences. I am mostly afraid of his father and/or step-father finding out and the undue pain they would cause to him and the rest of our family. Neither one of them is tolerant in the least, and I don't want him to hear his father's views. He had told me many times that if one of his sons turned out to be gay he would disown him. I don't want my son to experience that pain. I know I can't protect him forever, but he is only 15. I would love for him to not have to go through that while he is still dependent on our family for everything. I love him so much. I did tell him right away that I would love him and stand by him no matter what.
Thanks again everyone for helping me to understand what he may be going through, as I have never experienced it. I want to be able to help him as much as I can.

Galetre, at this point in my life, I would have been better off with my father disowning me than to have had to go through what he put me through. My mother was VERY supportive of me, she could care less who I loved, it's because of her I am here to talk about it. I spent a lot of my youth suicidal and socially awkward because of how the world viewed me. Have a nice long talk with him about safe sex and not be so trusting of older men (as I was), at 15 we like to think people are good intentioned, we are naive, but there are some creepy people out there, especially on the internet. Keep an open door policy with him, free to talk about whatever, whenever, my mother has since passed, but because I felt I could talk to my mother without pre-justic or judgment and that is something I carried into adult hood. You will do fine, Im sure.

If you're confused and worried, try to imagine how it is for your son. Someone said they can't imagine being straight would be easier... yeah, it is. And in the ups and downs, your son is going to be happy knowing he was truthful with himself before being truthful with anyone else.

The only reason it's so shocking for parents to hear their children are gay, bi, pan, etc, is because being straight is seen as the "norm" and any sexual minority is seen as "obscure".

To be shocked because you're worried is of a different nature. If you feel as though his father or step father may harm him if they find out (and I don't mean just physically) you need to work to protect your son. Children come first, especially in cases like this.

I agree with what others are saying. Definitely speak to him about sexual health (as gay relationships and sexual relationships are not spoken about in sex ed within schools), let him know that he can come to you with anything, and most of all show acceptance and care for him, because as you already know and I can see you're doing it already, he's still your son and he still needs his mom. And you'll do great.

How well does he know his father/stepfather? Do they get along well? Sometimes, prolonging a good relationship (and revealing sexuality later), can do more damage. just imagine, if they have a great relationship, your son may be completely devastated by his father/stepfather's reaction.

If they don't get along well, it may be easier (but will more likely than not, still be painful)

Chose a good time, plan carefully, but first off, let your son explore his sexuality! (He's still growing up, and has a lot of hormones, he may just be confused!)

In the event that he does identify as gay, make sure you treat him as you did before. He doesn't want pity, he wants to be accepted, but most importantly, he wants you to be his mom! He needs you.

If all else fails, just be there for him. Remember, he comes first (especially before an ignorant husband.)

Take care!

at least he has feelings!

I'm 26 and never had a real relationship, and honestly never motivated enough to even approach women. I see all these guys here prey on women like sharks, but I never had the desire to do that as such.

I know weird!

Your son is so brave. I'm a gay 19yo and I will never have the courage to tell my mom. I feel like she will accept me but the shame of being who I am won't let me be open about things. Yes I am ashamed about being gay. However, for your son to come to you and express how he feels at only 15 is a big step and I'm sure you have a great mother to son bond with him. You should not panic, as you said he was in a relationship with a girl for the first time not long ago so he doesn't know what it feels like to be with a guy, he hasn't explored anything yet so I don't think that his feelings are definit. You should be happy that he told you right away instead of keeping those feelings inside himself. I kept them inside, and consequently I became a depressed cutter who almost killed himself. Even tho I'm still not out, this feelings are not as strong as before and I just ignore it and live my life. I apologize if I speak too much about myself, I just want to juxtapose myself from your son so you see that the fact that he told you what he feels right now is the healthy and right direction. I just beg you to please support him if it turns out that the feelings stay with him as he grows up.

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One of the first students I taught was gay, but he was unaware of it until his late teens. In high school he was bullied by other boys who called him a ******, and he didn't even know what it meant. He did have some feminine personality characteristics; he was a gentle person, quite athletic, with excellent personal skills. Not until he went to university and was seduced by an older man did he clue in about his sexuality.

Other

Galetre, I want to commend because you have obviously been a wonderful mother to your son for him to share what he is going through with you, whether it is dating a girl or thinking he might be gay. As others have said, that is a huge risk on his part but he obviously feels very loved and safe with you. Wow, if it were me and I had a husband who is a step father to my boy, I'd go all bat-****-crazy on his *** if he were to make my boy feel bad about who he is! Easier said than done, of course!

My step niece went through a lesbian phase in her mid 20's, and when I asked my sister how she was doing with all of that, my sister told me she was back to men. Well, whatever! So, it could be your son is still feeling his way along to finding out who he is. Ditto on all the great advice everyone has given about support and being safe. And yes, it is a kinder time to be gay. Relationships can be hard, no matter from what orientation.