Sexual Dysfunction: Numb Penis

Good day all,

I've been reading this forum for a long time and I'm now jumping in to get some help. You see I had an accident at work 13 years ago and I injured my back. 5 years ago I reinjured it and in the last 2-3 years I have suffered more and had more "complications". My back injury has progressed to the point that my parts of both legs have lost sensation and are weak.

On top of that, about 3 years ago I noticed I was having trouble keeping erections in the middle of intercourse, specifically during vaginal penetration or oral sex. I realized that I was having trouble actually feeling the "motion" or sensing the "warmth" of my partner. For the past 2 years though, the loss of sensation is now constant...meaning that my penis is numb.

Now don't get me wrong, I can get an erection...there are lots of things that arouse me and I can get it "up". I've compensated some by taking Viagra to "keep it up" so that my wife can be satisfied. The problem is that without Viagra, I lose the erection the moment I have to "do something else". If I move or have to adjust my position, the erection goes away. Additionally, it is almost impossible now to reach orgasm through penetration or oral sex. It has to be manual stimulation my myself or my wife.

The complex nature of this issue does not end there. You see, I am bisexual. I had male/femaile partners before my wife, and I continue to desire for/fantasize about homosexual relations. It's not a secret to my wife, she knew long before our marriage, and I do ask her from time to time to bring another man into our relationship.

All that being said, I have talked to my doctors who have no real treatment plan for the penile numbness, and yes I told them too about my sexual preferences. I have been referred to a sex therapist and have had a number of sessions. However, she is focussed on my marriage and trying to increase intimacy with my wife, which has become very limited due to these problems.

It's funny that when I originally asked for "help", I really didn't know what I needed or wanted. I believe that I needed help coping with the loss of one of my senses in a major core part of a man's being. I also believe that I needed help physically coping with the loss of sensation. What does that mean? I really don't know any more...

When someone loses a loved one...there is a method to help with that. When someone loses their eyesight...there is a method to help with that.
When someone loses a leg...there is a method to help with that.
There are normally both mental and physical help for people in cases like these...but for a numb penis...not much.

Well after a year of asking for help, I still don't know how to cope mentally with my numb penis...it still causes me anxiety at all times. When I do something as basic as going "pee", I am reminded that I can't feel my penis when I hold it. There are constant reminders...On top of that, all of these "professionals" bring my sexual preferences into the mix, making me and my wife question both question my past and current intentions. I've always been faithful, and the questions do nothing for my anxiety.

I also still no idea how to cope physically as well. My wife says "find somewhere else on you body that can get you aroused". Well there aren't any other spots on my body that provide any kind of arousal like the penis. The prostate is one spot and thanks to my previous homosexual relations, I know I enjoy **** sex, however the wife won't help with that.

I am at a loss as to what to do now. How can I explore myself physically/sexually to find alternatives/workarounds to my numb penis when I have to do it alone? Sex needs a partner. There are no medical professionals that can help...and they all don't know who can help. The only recommendation I got was to talk to someone at an "adult store"...so my salvation is a middle-aged, minimum wage earning, purple-haired, pierced and tattooed lesbian (though I'm sure she's a nice person).

I know this is a long message, but like I just said, I'm lost. I'm almost at the point of ask my doctor for meds that will take away any sexual desire so that won't feel anxious all the time.

Any ideas?

I have seen articles about medicine used to help guys that have had back injuries, but can't post them. But one thing you might try is called "Milking the prostate". They make toys for men to do that and it might be worth a try. FYI, if it works, hold on to something because it's a heck of a ride.

I would be concerned with trying to heal your back injuries. Are you overweight at all? Are you doing exercises? Are you getting physio? As for the sex, reading between the lines it sounds like you are looking for an excuse to come out and leave your wife - i dont think you really need an excuse.

I've had almost two years of regular physiotherapy and a bunch of chiropractic sessions. There aren't too mainly options for treatments. I do exercise, many walking, Tai Chi, swimming. I'm 5'11" and 188 lbs, so ever so slightly overweight. High impact activities are becoming difficult with the leg/foot numbness and weakness.

As for your comments on the sex...well I was bisexual before marriage, bisexual during marriage, bisexual before the injury, bisexual after the injury and bisexual before and after the loss of sensation. Before the injury I have a decent sex life, and even after the injury. Only when I lost the sensation did things change.

You see once it became more difficult/impossible to orgasm, I've had to compensate by increasing my erotic thoughts/fantasies. I've gone from masturbating to normal husband/wife penetrative sex to fantasies of M2M sex, MMF threesomes, public, sissy/submissive acts. I've also bought my own sex toys so I can perform these acts on myself in private.

The need to cope and deal with the loss of feeling has driven me to these alternative sexual activities. It just so happens that these are partly based I real life experiences I had and enjoyed. I love my spouse and have been faithful for almost 20 years. Life is more than sex, and I not about to leave my wife for some hot and pleasurable gay sex.

I recognize that your response is rather stereotypical WRT bisexuals, but I made a choice when I married her and I continue to honour that choice. If I'd made the choice all those years ago to marry another guy, I'd honour that choice as well.

I really don't believe that my sexual preferences are a causal factor in the dysfunction, though I am willing to accept that they are a factor in how I have and will cope with my problem.

Hey

I signed up just to reply to this post.
You should look up pudendal neuralgia, and pudendal nerve entrapment, have a google, there's a good forum related to it.

i hope this is of some use to you

How does it differ from the usual ride?