[ocdwifeofsociopath]

He has such a high sex drive, he has to have this, or something else. That something else doesn't involve me, but what he wants from me and the something else are equally horrible. Although most of the time I hate doing what he wants to the point where i'd rather he do something else, but then again, at least with this, i'm involved. He has already given up a lot that he greatly desires for me. We are trying to compromise, but i really really hate doing this. And he really really needs it at least once in a while. I am against it completely and totally other than understanding how badly he wants it, and not knowing what else to do. It almost caused a divorce. Who should budge?

Don't want to sound ignorant yet really want to offer some sort of support. I'll be honest though; you shouldn't go for something that makes you so uncomfortable because you'll be extremely unhappy and it wouldn't work out. You said you're both trying to compromise but how much this bothers you is really apparent. Hate to say it - even though you haven't given details I know an example where a similar situation didn't end well. Is there a way a substitute can be worked out?

For you:

[Mike_J]

I know it's embarrassing to be specific but it would help to understand your situation more. But with that said nobody should feel forced/pressured into doing something they are not comfortable with.

Maybe some couples counseling might help.

[Bill3]

It sounds like he is demanding that X or Y must occur, both of which are hateful to you.

What is your reaction to the idea of couples counseling?

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

couples counseling is awesome for most everybody, but not for us. I think I've gotten my answer from you guys. Thank you

[Harley47]

Well, I think I'm a voice in the choir, but....

Something like this isn't something that should be a matter of "giving in." You have no reasonable expectation nor any form of obligation to do anything sexually that you are not comfortable with, and he likewise has no authority to deliver an ultimatum between two choices you don't like. You have every right, now and always, to *not* do something that makes you uncomfortable. You should *never* have to "give in" on something sexually that makes you uncomfortable. That, with all due respect, is wrong of him to ask of you.

I hope things work out soon and for the best.

Hugs,
Harley

[hamster-bamster]

Harley, with all due respect, I think that once the OP talks horrible and hate, repeating those words, saying that she simply feels uncomfortable trivializes her negative experience. You know, it is like getting a nightmare of a customer service experience and then receiving "we apologize for inconvenience". I do know you meant well, and do not imply that OP should feel disappointed, but I personally would feel disappointed. People talk openly on here, right, even about embarrassing things such as diapers. OP talks about something she cannot even name - that bad.

OP, I am thinking that your partner by now knows you hate it, and yet persists, so what is he, deriving pleasure from forcing you??

[ididwhat?]

"Who should budge?" "Who should give in?" Heck. If I'm using terms like these in my supposedly loving, intimate and erotic relationships... it's a clear sign for me to take a good look at myself and the situation. I mean, a compromise would be completely out of the question... right?

[Harley47]

Point taken Hamster. I've a tendency to beat around the bush a bit, and I can see where your point arises from. I only thought it redundant to inform OP of how she knows she feels already, and I stand by my point had the actions in question only been "uncomfortable" rather than "hated." Being hated, which is well beyond uncomfortable, I do stand by my point still, but I see your point. In no way did I intend to trivialize the OP's problem, and I apologize if I have done so.

I appreciate the insight and advice though.