Feel like my T is digging the wrong way.

So, after two quasi-failed attempts at regular therapists, I recently felt brave and desperate enough to try Sexual Therapy in an attempt to sort out my sexual issues. After an initial consult, I was feeling very good about my decision. The woman I was seeing was confident, knowledgeable, and blunt. She was everything I needed. I felt I had finally found the "right" T for me. Someone I could speak frankly with about my aversion to my own sexuality.

However, upon my second visit, I'm not so sure. She seems very focused on the social aspect of things. Giving me a "homework" assignment bidding me make an effort to go out and try and meet/date women. Thing is, as I pointed out to her, my having never dated or engaged with someone else in any way remotely sexual is but a single by-product of the larger issue I came to explore; that being my hatred of sexuality. My aversion to sex is the reason I don't date, not the other way around. She acknowledged this, then asked me to put that issue aside and focus on the task she had assigned me.
My problem is not that I'm socially inept around girls, I get along swimmingly with them (until things get sexual obviously). I just find the whole concept of "dating" in general fairly tasteless, regardless of my sexual issues. I like to meet people naturally. That is to say: I like to meet people when I met them, not arrange meetings for the sake of testing compatibility. The idea of "trying people out" just to find the best fit just isn't my bag. Again, I told her this and again she just kind of turned the conversation back to the same place.
My problem is that I feel like I'm not addressing the issues I came in to talk about.

What I need to do is explore why I feel the way I do towards my sex drive. I need to come to a better understanding of why I find my engaging in something as simple as masturbating to cause me to feel wholly and morally repulsed, angry, crushingly depressed, guilty, and shamed. I need to speak frankly about what own sexual thoughts, experiences, and reactions. And I feel like that's not the direction I'm going here.
I don't know if I mislead her or something and I'm not sure what to do. As I said, she seems perfect for me to work this thing out but if she's not addressing what I feel is important, than I'm not where I want to be.

In light of this, I gave her the "Scheduling conflict. I'll make my next appointment when I'm ready," line. I'm unsure if I should continue with her. I want to continue with her, but not in this direction. And certainly not in this direction with the rates she charges (Ouch!)

What should I do? I've considered just going back next time with some phony story about a delightful meting with a nice girl and then maybe we can move on to the meat of the matter. I could, of course, just voice my concerns but A: I'm terribly inadequate at voicing these concerns and can do so only for the comfortable anonymity of the internet and B: I kind already tried and she seemed to think that this was the best course of action.
I'm very willing to work this out. This is my third attempt at therapy and if this one doesn't work, I don't see myself trying again. I'm quite not sure how to handle this turn of events.

I really do appreciate any advice I can get. Thank you!

Could you may be give her a copy of this post and see if she can understand where you are coming from. Have you discussed the fact you are having issues with masturbating? Maybe that would be a good place to start after all until you are comfortable with yourself, it's going to be okay with sex with girls. I really wish I had more help I could give but it is a hard problem to deal with. You obviously, have big issues with sex. Have you looked into your childhood? Was there any abuse that needs to be addressed? Did something, event or someone that caused you to have these issues? There are lot of issues to address in counseling that might lead to the answer. I don't know if this counselor is going to be right for you are not, but please don't give up. You should not have to suffer with this for your whole life. Good luck to you.

Just tell her bluntly - you said she is blunt so she should be able to take your bluntness - that you could have seven rendezvous a week, each with a different young woman, if you wanted to, so her little assignment is below you - it is like having a Nobel prize winner in physics take the physics subject SAT. Further, tell her that the assignment felt condescending and disappointing to you at the same time. Then stop and let her do the work of thinking it through.

i can relate to ur post and issues with sex. i feel the same way about a lot that u wrote. but i am too scared to talk about it in therapy

Thank you. I've decided that I should absolutely continue working with her. You're right, of course. I shouldn't have to struggle with this forever when I've got an opportunity to make things better for myself. I will try and essentially give her the cliff-notes version of what I've posted here.
Here's the thing. I could sit down right here and now at this keyboard at list the how's and why's of my struggle, refusal, and combative relationship with my own sexuality. There was no abuse to speak of, the subject of sex was never taboo around my family, yet I find the concept of sex repugnant. And yet, I have sexual urges, strong ones and often. Sometimes I masturbate, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I indulge in pornography, sometimes I don't. But I always feel like an absolute monster for succumbing to this dark impulse. What I don't know is what to do about it. I need for somebody to understand, really understand, why I feel the way I do. And in that understanding, I'm hopeful that I could be advised on how to not feel like I'm constantly at war with myself.
So, I'll go in and just tell her that, while I appreciate what she's trying to do for me, I feel that's not the best direction for me. At least, not right now. Like I said, relationships are something I feel like tackling waaaay down the road, after I've dealt with the primary issue.
Thank you for your response! I really to appreciate it.


It's true. I am paying her, after all. I'm just a bit too polite I guess. I didn't want to come across as thinking I know how to do her job better than she does.
Also, I feel I might have misdirected her. When we got around to discussing relationships, I told her I had never been in one because I felt that every girl would naturally expect for sex to be something of a pinnacle in a relationship. This is a concept I take great issue with. So, when I told her that I'd didn't think any girl would be ok with no sex ever, I think that put her in a weird place. Kind of an "Ok, you seem to have you mind made up about this, so why are you even here?" kind of place.
I need to let her know the concerns I have voiced here, that I feel the need to come to a better understanding of why I feel the way I do, not necessarily to "overcome" or "fix" these issues.
Thanks for the reply!

Believe me when I say I know how unbelievably uncomfortable and nerve-wracking the prospect of bringing up the subject can be. I was a wreck when even bringing it up for the first time. Hell, even now, I can't even speak at times when talking to my therapist. I just can't bring myself to utter.... sexual terms. I can't even say something along the lines of: "When I masturbate I," Words fail me and the best I can manage is: "Well, uh, you know, when I (awkward silence), do... stuff," and I just have to trust my T to fill in the blanks.
But the thing is, these are things I need to talk about. And therapy is the place to talk about them. I implore you, if you're struggling with this stuff, please, please, try and open up the subject with your won therapist. As difficult as it may be, you will not regret it.