Performance anxiety + inability to orgasm = unhappy me

Okay so I take SSRI for my anxiety. Zoloft. Xanax for panic attacks, but that's only as needed. Me and my boyfriend are great together, and we love each other, but... unfortunately anxiety and sex go hand and hand for me. I didnt have a bad experience, its just that I worry that I'm not good enough , and I discuss this with him and he comforts me and such. But my main problem is... because of my SSRI I cannot orgasm. Being a normal person, I should go to my doctor and discuss adding or changing meds right? Wrong. I'm kind of young. I'm 16 (17 in a couple days) I am very careful, and responsible. On birth control and we always use protection. So I don't have to worry about that too much. But.. I don't know what to do. Is there anything I can do? I dont think so. I mean we do have intercourse but I do it mainly for his enjoyment. Anyways sorry for rambling. I just can't really talk about this with anyone.

Thank you..

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Hi, I can't help you much about your inability to orgasm. The only way is to talk to your doctor. Anything you say to them is confidential. Does your mom always go to your appointments with you? I know it's hard but maybe you could tell her to step outside. Or if you have your doctor's number then you can call them and talk to them about your problem over the phone and tell them that you don't want your mom to find out or something.

Also, the part where you said "I mean we do have intercourse but I do it mainly for his enjoyment" really stood out to me. I don't have a lot of experience with sex but I do know one thing and that is that you should never have sex just to please your partner. It has to be both ways. You don't owe anything to him. You are not his property, you're not obligated to have sex with him. I'm sure you give consent and love him but having sex with him mainly for his enjoyment is not okay. You have the right to say no even you guys are together. I hope you know that.

Good luck with everything!

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My doctor has been my doctor since I was little. I'm pretty sure she would discuss it so for now I can't do anything. And I do give consent but you're right ... I guess I'll talk with him about it again.
Thank you!

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I know that a couple of little blue pills (Xanax, not the OTHER blue pills) an hour or so before things start does help things along a lot for me at least.

I'm not an advocate for lying, but sometimes, just sometimes its a neccessary evil...

Could you tell your dr you are no longer able to achieve orgasm when you masturbate and you worry about the long term effects as you're still very young?

Still a sensitive / embarrassing topic, but atleast your mom doesn't have to hear about your sexcapades....

Really? Maybe that will work for me! My xanax dose is really low (its iust for panic attacks) but i might try that!!



That's actually a really good idea. I just don't know how I would bring it up haha plus I'm not really knowledgeable with masturbation because well... I don't. Haha. I'll think about it :-) maybe.

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Oh, I understand. Maybe you could do some research on medicine that doesn't affect your ability to orgasm and if you're willing to take a risk and change meds then you could tell your doctor that the medicine you're taking now isn't helping and suggest a new one. You can tell them that a friend recommended it or something.

Personally, I wouldn't change my meds if they're helping because I understand that sometimes it's difficult to find the right medicine that will give results. Your health comes first. But it's up to you.

Hope you can resolve this!


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That's why I'm having so much trouble. I mean I'd much rather keep my sanity and be alive than be able to orgasm but (from what I hear) it would help with stress relief.
Thank you!!

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LOL I don't partake in it either, but its what I would've done in your shoes, just seems like a "safer" alternative...

I'm thinking just wing it, I doubt the dr will enquire about your technique, ya know?

Well, do you only have vaginal sex? Like... has he ever gave your oral?

If he hasn't gave your oral or a hand job... and if you've never masturbated... then it might not even be the meds.

Like... I've never orgasmed from vaginal sex. I'm capable of orgasms, but it just doesn't happen (at least not yet! Never know! I get a lot of anxiety during sex as well and I tend to lose focus). But even without it... I still thoroughly enjoy having sex. It feels good physically and it feels nice to be so close to someone. Some people really only orgasism through clitorral stimulation, which you don't get as much of through sex.

You can discuss it with your boyfriend, and give yourself some time. I come from an older generation, one where commitment came before sex. Your boyfriend should be your best friend also....and if he is....he won't be selfish enough to have sex if it is causing you concern or even worse anxiety. If you can't talk to him about ot for fear loosing him.....again...what sort of friend is he.

I hope he is loving and supportive, and you can work through this together. Please keep in mind your mum might not be happy but most parents are motivated by wanting the best, in the interests of their children. Perhaps sharing with her can help ans she can offer advice. Your m was young ince too.

I wish you all the best, but sex should be saved for intamacy b etween married commmitted loving unselfish people.....rather than to satisfy their needs at the cost of yours. uploadfromtaptalk1402094842648.jpg

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I agree. We did have a serious talk today, about it. He insisted that I make him happy in our relationship even aside from the physical part. He told me that whenever I was ready again that would be fine. He did seem a little concerned, but heck, he is a hormonal 19 year old.
I do agree with the commitment part. Because of my anxiety I have trouble making and keeping friends , so when I started talking to him more and he told me he had anxiety problems, we went fishing and relaxed, went to the river a couple times, and eventually he asked me to be his girlfriend. I admit we did begin sleeping together earlier in the relationship than I would have liked, but we both wanted it, and we were committed and best friends and could laugh and talk for hours.

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