[lostwonder]

I've been out of the hustle for around 8 years now, and am married. I had have all but forgotten about years of life until recently. I've been remembering, almost like I was back again. The emotions are overwhelming. At the time I said that I knew what I was doing, and that I found it empowering. It wasn't not how I am remembering now. Anyone else know where I am coming from?

[Travelinglady]

Hey, lostwonder. I've never been in the sex industry. Maybe somebody will come along, though. Note that it could be that some folks won't acknowledge it openly, but let's hope for a private message, if any folks know what you are feeling.

[lostwonder]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hey, lostwonder. I've never been in the sex industry. Maybe somebody will come along, though. Note that it could be that some folks won't acknowledge it openly, but let's hope for a private message, if any folks know what you are feeling.

Thank you

[hamster-bamster]

I think you will need t to look elsewhere. I come to this board on and off, so I do not have a record in my mind of all posts, but whatever record I have (my recall of written material is almost perfect), there are no former sex workers and that means that there are no more sex workers here for real, and not because people are afraid of disclosure. I make this conclusion because I have seen posts about, say, a father's sexual interest in his daughter, and other things that would be on a par with being a former sex worker in terms of how much of a taboo the topic is. Since those disclosures were made, we can conclude that this board does provide a welcoming, safe environment for disclosure, and the lack of responses to your query indicates the lack of similarly positioned individuals among forum members and not fear of disclosure.

[Trippin2.0]

There are actually 2 ladies who were open about it, although I believe they are both current industry workers, but neither posted in this forum (relationships as well as BPD & BP) but I don't know just how active they are on these boards, (the 1 lady hasn't posted in quite a while) although the other in the relationships forum made a few very recent posts.

Maybe they've decided to lurk more than post? Idk their profiles are still active...

Sooo while I don't understand your plight, I wanted you to know you're not the only one who's been open about working in the industry.

I too am hoping someone will PM you if they feel uncomfortable posting.

[Frankbtl]

Hi lostwonder, afraid I'm not a former (or current) sex industry worker and I may not be able to help much but maybe I can try to offer you just a little empathy/support (?) as none have stepped in?? If you'll let me try?
It sounds like you're seeing what you did/what happened in your life from a different reality now you have that distance from it. And you're now maybe wondering how you could have done that/believed the things you did/let what happened happen. And maybe a lot of hurt..........over that?
Maybe a lot of hurt.........as to how you were "influenced" or the circumstances that allowed it to happen as well?

Just got to make a point here though, I'm not saying anything about the sex industry in general, just what I think I'm getting from you.

But you know you have that distance now, you could only do what you thought was right for you at the time, or you could only play the cards you felt you were dealt. That doesn't need to say that you were "wrong". You did what you could, and I'm sure there were influences that led you that way. But never mind anyone else in the industry who aided in you continuing with that, it's you who really matters in all of this. Everyone else will have gone their own ways wherever that might have led them. Maybe focus on you now.
And try not to judge yourself unfairly/harshly/unsympathetically on what happened then. In fact you need your own support as much as the support of others in moving on again. And you did move on, it must have taken a lot of strength to work through things and come to where you are now with the kind of life it sounds like you really wanted/want. So nothing to "beat yourself up about".
Maybe you're looking back on aspects of it as being abused, cheapening yourself......from what I think you might be feeling/saying as sometimes people out of it can feel that way. But maybe see it as a part of your life which is there (no denying it) but which helped you on the path towards finding yourself (who you want/ed to be), finding what you sense now is your true worth (if you're feeling that way about it!), finding where you really want to be in life. And no sense of "shame" in that right??!!. Although if it would help to talk to a T............to help you with that, if you need to.
Anyway, I'll leave it as that, in case I'm way off target. But if you want to talk more, right here for you.
Alison

[lostwonder]

Thanks for the replies guys. It isn't shame that is overwhelming .... I don't think. It was a really unsafe environment. I do have some fairly severe dissociative issues, and have a T. Today is better. Memories aren't so intrusive, and nothing new is cropping up.

[CantExplain]

I'm hearing that in retrospect you feel like you were raped?
I can respect that.

I guess it's the same kind of post-traumatic effect that combat veterans get.

I know of one, possibly two but one left the site and the other doesn't post anymore although she sends a PM once in a while so she may see your post. I hope they're okay. You stay okay, okay?

[Frankbtl]

Hi lostwonder, sounds like you're looking back with fear of some of the things you've been through, whether you realized/recognized it as much at the time or not. Just try to absorb the safety of now, as much as possible, but it's good as well that you're seeing a T to work through things. And we're here if you want to share a bit on here too.
Glad today/yesterday (?) i/was better for you though.
Here if you want to talk.
Alison

[lostwonder]

I don't feel as though I was raped except for the times I was, it happens.

[LUTE20]

I was never a prostitute on the corner or in a brothel or anything. But I entered twice into sexual relations with men for money I always call them sugar daddies. But like I went in just as really a business deal. But by the end of it, I got my feelings caught up in it all. I promised I was done with that life afterwards. It's still a depressing time afterwards for me. But I moved on and honestly I just see it as doing what I had to get what I wanted at the time.