[HauntedMachine]

I am a little embarrassed to even post this, but I guess we all have our issues...Ok, so I started being sexually involved with guys about 3 years ago.
I was in denial & dated girls most of my life.
When I started having gay sex it was a frenzy, I must have had sex with 30 different guys within the same month & my record was 3 hookups in the same day with different guys.
It was exhilarating & I felt wanted, invincible & never cared about meeting the same guy twice although some were blunt about it.
At some point, which I can't exactly pinpoint; I became disgusted with my promiscuity. Especially, the getting dress in a hurry & the long showers once at home. So I stopped. And then deciced to seek a relationship instead.
I didn't wanted to be the stereotype of the gay guy sex-obsessed & end up catching hiv. Now I feel like that sex-crazed version of myself is gone.
My last relationship ended because of sexual incompatibilities.
I thought I was sexually open-minded but turns out I am not.
My ex was into BDSM & master/slave stuff. i thought I could get into it, but it made anxious & I felt repulsed.
I loved him dearly, but I just couldn't for some reasons.
I now realize his needs were valid & sane but why did I felt like it was perverted?!
How can I break free from my inhibitions? I totally get off on twisted stuff while watching porn but reenacting it makes me feel dirty.
It took me so long to accept my foot fetish, I thought I was a weirdo.
Now, a few week after the break up. I feel worthless inadequate, I loss my appetite & have insomnia. Overall, my relationship with sex seems kind of ruined and I feel like I can't satisfy anyone anymore. What to do? By the way I am 24 years old.

[CantExplain]

It seems to me that you are exploring the possibilities pretty thoroughly. Just keep trying, I guess.

[Mahal kita]

I agree with Big Poppa,
you are just doing you am not sure if you are a female or male but I was the same way growing up. Well in a way, I first had sex at the age of 19 after that I went off to join the service. Once in school for the job I would be doing in the military I started having sec again with any guy who wanted and was willing to have sex with me. After a while I started to feel disgusted with myself thinking, "why am I doing this?" Years went by and I finally got married but after having two kids and five years in we divorced. I cheated on my husband with a friend of ours who also has a foot fetish and is into BDSM. I as well am into BDSM I can recall being 12 years old watching the movie "FEAR" and getting so sexually aroused by Mark Wahlberg pinning Rees Witherspoon against the wall as her choked her. Then I would think about being choked by someone at night as a little girl in my bed and would get turned on. My new boyfriend and now boyfriend understood that about me. I on the other hand am having a hard time understanding his foot fetish and feel worthless because I don't understand it. More years went by though and I found out that because of my childhood the reason I had sex so much during my 20's was because of my experiences growing up and the things I saw (not referring to the movie) at least this is what I was told by my counselors that I am currently talking to because I have a lot of emotional stress going on right now. So like I said I can kid of relate to what you are going through and I would love for us to be friends that way you can help my get a better understand of foot fetish. I hope to hear from you soon HautedMachine.

R/s
Mahal Kita

[LiteraryLark]

Here's the thing. Perhaps you weren't over your promiscuity, and the BDSM put a spotlight on your feelings about feeling used, dominated, and inferior. The BDSM isn't the issue here. You had a long history of past casual sex. You decided enough was enough and you wanted a relationship. Well, your promiscuity was highly intense, and then you go into a highly intense relationship. You wanted to take things slow, and a BDSM relationship as your first real relationship since promiscuous sex isn't taking things slow. Don't think of it as a bad thing that you found BDSM to be perverted. It's just not what you're into, and at this point of your life you need boundaries. BDSM is not something to go about lightly, and if it's not your thing, then don't feel obligated to run back to him. Take things slow with your next partner. Trust me, there are other men that would be glad to take things slow.