Am I a sex addict or just in an un satisfying marriage?

Fair enough. Very complex, with the gender identity. I sure hope the suggestion to not allow men to marry until age 30 does not get legislative approval - my dad was much younger than that when he married and then 23 when I was born . High society men in the past did in fact not get married until much later, usually to younger women, because there were supposed to first reach their goals in their careers, civil or military, become financially successful, etc. So not that there was no precedent for requiring advanced age of marriageability for men...

You basically have your hands full with everything; I am a bit unclear how you plan to be financially sound enough to raise the child-to-be-born all on your own... do you already have a degree or do you have parents who would pitch in? Just wondering, because yes, you are young, and if you fall-back plan is to raise the child all alone, then, if you work, you would need money for childcare... have you thought it all through? I am assuming that you are neither independently rich from having launched a winning app at age 16, nor from being an heir to a wealthy family, which is why this question seems the most relevant now.

The way you write, respond to other posters, and explain is very mature - I would call it rational, which does not mean that you cannot be emotional. unemotional=monotonous and dull/flat; you got fairly lively as the thread progressed, so if your behavior on the thread is any indication of how you behave on social interactions face-to-face, you very much do NOT sound asp. By the way, your terminology is totally confused - asp. is a neurological disorder on the autistic spectrum; PD's (personality disorders such as narcissism) are psychological disorders which in the US are called Axis II. You mentioned hpd - hard to say anything at all without knowing the person face-to-face, but npd - unlikely. First, people who actually DO have npd very-very rarely admit it, and you wrote nonchalantly "yeah, might be npd" - this is so uncharacteristic of narcissists. Narcissists would say that all their close friends, lovers, and the world overall have NPD, except for them - they are pristine creatures without any faults, elevated above the rest of the humanity and worthy of exulted adoration. Does not seem like you at all.

Anyway, you have your hands more than full with the fact that your wife has gender issues and with the fact that you seem to be putting more sexual energy into relationships with men and more emotional energy into relationships with women. This is not a gender issue per se, but it is a complex issue, so multiplying her gender issues by your whatever they are issues, the picture becomes quite overwhelming.

You explained how carefully you use condoms. This is obviously very good, but condoms do not fully cover the area that can harbor HPV. Most strains of HPV are harmless and most of the time HPV infections resolve by themselves, but some strains are extremely dangerous and can lead to cancer. Your wife, assuming that she is roughly your age, by now should have received a series of immunizations to protect her from HPV. Make sure that she does and if she has not received them, she should start the series after she gives birth. If she is under 26, the insurance would cover it; otherwise it is out-of-pocket and an expensive proposition, but it is worth it.

If there are immunizations for HPV for males, definitely get vaccinated. And make sure you have received vaccinations to protect you from Hep A and Hep B - TWINRIX is one shot with two vaccines bundled together. Hep B is an STD that can lead to liver cancer, and Hep A is a disease that you can catch if you travel to Africa or something like this, and it won't kill you, but will ruin your trip. So getting vaccinated against both A and B is prudent. The most dangerous Hep C, which is an STD, probably is not yet preventable via vaccination, but you can find out. To sum up, condoms are not the only way to protect your health and her health - immunizations should be utilized as well.

If your wife is so young, she should not get sterilized after the birth, because ten years from now, possibly with a different man or possibly with you, she might want another child. So she needs an IUD. Having Mirena IUD alone is virtually foolproof - the effectiveness is above 99%; using Mirena and condoms (I do that) is MORE effective than permanent sterilization methods, which are not foolproof. Plus, Mirena provides health benefits to the woman. It has to be changed once in 5 years. So if 10 years from now your wife wants another child, all her contraceptive efforts would have amounted to 2 visits to the clinic to get or to replace the IUD. Compare with tubal ligation - she would need to spend a lot of money reversing tubal ligation and the reversal is not always successful. So really no point in getting sterilized.

Unless her not wanting more children is connected to gender identity. If she plans to become a man, she might as well get her tubes tied.

Poor gf and baby.... You need to take a long hard look in the mirror and grow up. I cannot believe you have even considered bringing a baby into this situation.

To continue this is disgusting and there is so much more I could say and want to say but won't other than I hope your gf finds someone she deserves.

You need to let your gf have a choice in whether she wants to live with someone like you. It is totally disrespectful and you are abusing her love and trust for you. I won't even start as far as the baby is concerned. YOUR priorities should be for your wife and baby.

So you've never believed in marriage BUT you believe in bringing a human life into this world????? You sound very young and I hope in time you see what it is you're doing and start making choices that are not harmful to your family

I don't buy this whole "high sex drive " thing. I suspect you're using the pleasure that sex brings you to escape from something.

A man can't live without sex. It's normal.

High sex drive is a real thing. Trust me, it's a physical need, like being hungry.

I think you are focusing on the wrong issue. I do not see any rational purpose in what you have just done but if you feel that it allows you to just focus on her and you feel better this way, I guess it is OK, but it seems to me that all that largely irrelevant conversation about your sex with other people (by the way, if you ever tell your current spouse about that sex, do not use the word "affair" because for one it would be wrong - affairs have a plot with a conflict to them and that makes them good material for literature and film, whereas your sessions with the sex buddies that even you did not find fun would be boring and monotonous and the audience would leave the movie theater - and more importantly, it would be disturbing for her and cause her to fear uncertainty for no reason, so why be so unkind to the mother of your child? tell her in the most low key way - you must be good at that - what you just told us; no an affair but sex buddies to meet the needs, sans drama, sans passion, sans risk, sans conflict, but just totally mundane) you are avoiding looking at the volcano that is about to erupt.

Using the analogy with literature and film, while your sex sessions were boring and monotonous, the setting in which your baby will be born is anything but boring. From that, one can make an intensely grabbing plot.

- The grandparents are very traditional and insisted on their daughter's marriage even though having children out of wedlock is no longer taboo.

- the daughter of such traditional parents is about to undergo a sex change. What would her parents say? So far she listened to them with respect to marriage. Will she be able to stand her own ground with respect to sex change?

- the pregnant mother is so acutely uncomfortable being pregnant that there was a sea change - she went from having sex daily, which was age appropriate for her and you (although people differ in that regard, but clearly daily sex at your age is well within the range of normal) to none at all. Also, she seems to be so completely living in her own head that she does not even wonder how her partner is doing and what his reaction to the sea change is.

- if the pregnant woman is already so uncomfortable, a disaster might well strike when she has the baby

- the baby will need to be nursed for at least 1 year. Yet his mother (if I read your post correctly) plans to undergo sex change after the baby is born. I bet that the male hormones she'd get would stop the milk production. Can you talk to her about it? Can she commit to being a woman for one full year and only start the sex change once the baby is weaned?

- and a whole host of other issues.

So it seems that you are focusing on the wrong things in order to occupy your mind and not deal with very pressing, complex issues. You are of course very young and the amount of uncertainty about the future that you are dealing with now would be challenging for most people including those who are much older than you.

I think that you do not realize that your baby will not be in your shoes. You were brought up by a loving mother who never married. that is one of the widely accepted societal norms these days. When you were in school, nobody really treated you any differently for not living with your dad, right?

Your child might end up with what... 2 dads? One mother and one father. One mother who will become a man and then whom? A father? Still a mother?

I am not saying that there is anything wrong with it, but I am saying that it is challenging, and your time should be spent planning for various contingencies that you might encounter and NOT asking questions that you know answers for.

You asked if you are an addict. You were told that this category is highly controversial but the category of sexual compulsion is less controversial. Are you compulsive? You are the opposite of compulsive because you always remain calm. Do you know that about yourself? You do. So this was a question for which you knew the answer.

You then asked if you marriage is not satisfying. But you entered into the marriage not on your volition and without having planned for it. Why do you even expect the marriage to be satisfying? Even your spouse did not want to get married.

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You are in a crisis situation, all in all. When a person is in a crisis, he does not theorize about what is or is not satisfying in a marriage because he cannot afford theorizing; a person in crisis is focused on dealing with the immediate obstacles while trying to improve the situation to survive. And you have to think not just on how every person in this web (including the grandparents, of course, since they call the shots) is going to survive, but how you and your wife will greet their firstborn into the world.

Sorry, just noticed that you always planned to have kids. Hopefully this mean that you will find caring for your baby fun and pleasurable.