[LaraHugs]

I've been married to the same man for over 30 years now, and seven years ago, I ceased having sex with him. I honestly thought he would have left by now. I didn't stop having sex because I wanted him to leave me. Oh no, I love him and want to remain married to him.

But, there's nothing there any longer. No desire is present on my part. He knows this, we have talked many times about this topic. And he masturbates every day. Well, he's a dude, so he masturbates every day anyway, regardless.

I'm thankful that he has chosen to remain married to me. And I truly don't believe he is getting it somewhere else. Certainly, I'm not naïve or gullible, so I would never state that he would never cheat. After all, seven years is a long time for a man. But, I really don't think he is. He comes home every day on time. He doesn't go out, unless with me, except to work. And his time is accounted for, there is never times where he is absent, or missing.

I'm not really seeking any advice here, just sharing.

So, now that this has happened to us, and we are still happy together - I've come to realize that I am happier than I ever thought I could be with him because now I realize that he loves me for just me. For the person I am inside and not for what I can give him.

I hope that all people can find a partner like I have. And heaven knows, I've got all kinds of flaws. And how wonderful it would be for people, if they could believe that no matter what their issue is - someone loves them anyway.

[sideblinded]

Hi LaraHugs

I'm sorry to hear that your marriage isn't totally perfect but you sound so upbeat about it. It is good to hear someone have such a positive attitude about a less than ideal situation. It sounds like you are happy to have him and it seems both ways. Have you tried talking to him about this matter? Maybe there is something bothering him and he doesn't feel like he can be up front about it.

Thank you for this post.

[bixkf]

LaraHugs,

You aren't the only one that is faced with this situation. My wife told be a couple of years ago that she "didn't need sex", that she felt safe, fulfilled, loved, without needing to resort to sex. We've been together for almost 20 years and I found it hard to accept. I mean, it was unilateral with no discussion. I had no say in the matter, and like your husband I'm a horny guy that'll masturbate if I can't get intimate with my wife. What was worse was at the time I had been seeing a sex therapist to help me deal with the loss of sensation in my penis due to a back injury. The therapist was recommending that "we" work on finding other methods of sexual activity that still provides us satisfaction. The timing of my wife's declaration couldn't have been worse.

We are at a point that sex is solely on my wife's terms, when she wants and feels like it. If I ask or pursue at all, she withdraws completely and I am unable to even sit beside her, hold her hand or kiss her cheek.

So as time passes, I try to accept that I still love her dearly, that sex is not that important, and I would lose more than I would gain if I pursued sex elsewhere. As most guys would, I cope through masturbation and hoping for a hint of sexual interest from my dear wife.

[wing]

This is pretty much where we're at. We joke about my husband being "ready when you are" and he understands my meds totally knock out my sex drive.

For me, sex is a sign of how much I care for him and am thankful that he has stayed with me. I try to initiate more than I really want to, and usually always end up enjoying it because he cares for my needs first.

I'm not a fan of "faking it" but there are lots of reasons to have sex, just one of them for me is saying thank you for staying with me. Sometimes it is a stress reliever for him. I try to recognize his needs and initiate even if I don't feel like it so much. It's part of my love for him.

He has adjusted to this, I guess he takes care of his own needs in the shower if I'm not in the mood. Never asked.

[Webgoji]

As long as both partners needs are being met, then there shouldn't be a problem.

Personally, I couldn't be in a sexless marriage. The need for emotional intimacy is very important for me and just cuddling don't cut it. My "Love Language" is words of affirmation and physical contact. Because of that, cuddling feels like keeping me at arms length; close enough to touch, but not too close to have to let the walls down.

[AppalachianAxis]

Hello.
This might be unexpected, but your situation actually fills me with hope. I really really admire what the two of you have. I have never equated sexual actions with expressions of emotional affection, and most of the time it seems like the world is shouting me down, telling me that love without sex is some impossible fantasy. Yet every so often I get glimpses to the contrary, and that really helps me out.
I know that's not exactly what you are going for here, but I felt like letting you know that your situation just really makes me feel good about myself and my future

[narcissistimposter]

Hi,
This sounds quite like my situation, except she is hurt by it. I realize it is partly from who she is and we are working on that. But, more so, I feel there is something wrong with me that she doesn't deserve my lack of wanting to put the effort in. It isn't that I don't want her to have satisfaction, she deserves more than what I feel, I just don't feel like putting that much physical energy to it. It literally feels like too much work.