[LiteraryLark]

I met a guy online. He told me he was kinky, and I told him I was open-minded, but I never knew what this entailed. He invited me over to his house where he told me he was looking for a submissive white female he could take vengeance on, as he told me he felt angry for what whites had done to black people (he is black), and explained all the violent acts he wanted to commit with me, hardcore a*nal ****ing, spitting on me, humilation. As soon as I walked in he whipped his **** out and had me touch it, then as I was getting ready for bed he told me to show him my asshole and rolled me over and pulled my pants down. I told him I wanted to go home and he let me go. Now I'm scared to date other men. I tried to explain this to my parents, but I didn't tell them about this because all they said was to stop acting like I'm some dominatrix and leading guys on because I think I'm kinky and to stop hanging out with gay men because it won't lead to romance. I tried telling my best friends but all they said they were grossed out and "lesson learned." I don't know what to do. I'm just angry and scared.

[Angelique67]

Hi, I'd try to to get to know people better first before meeting them or telling them anything personal. When you do meet, try a low key lunch which doesn't last too long to see if you think they're OK. Good luck. Not everyone will be like that.

[bixkf]

I feel for you DrSkipper. I am very happy that he let you go and you are safe. Most people online are not the same as in reality...people dismiss reality and act in ways that they wouldn't do in their daily lives. I agree with Angelique67, that any meeting should first be in public where you can get to know the person. Meeting with a guy for the first time to his house to have relatively rough sex seems scary to me, especially when you have no clue as to his limits.

I am truly thankful you are okay, but I strongly recommend caution before attempting something like that again. Perhaps the next time you could tell someone you trust where you are going and who you are seeing so that they can take action if you don't return home on time.

Stuff like that dose happen ...
While back I met a woman on line she invited me to come over and watch sex in the city movie .
Met her in a public place " Dunkin' Donuts " parking lot she seem friendly so I followed her to her trailer park home , watched the movie then she asked me if I ever been with another woman told her yes .
Next thing I know she is asking me to rub her back , so I did , told her need to go husband will be home soon and kids need me , but she told me in a min.
She goes into her bedroom and says she wants a massage , I end up giving her oral sex because I didn't have the guts to say no .

So please know your not the only one that gets into that mess

[pegasus]

Thank Goodness you are safe!

[LiteraryLark]

Was what happened to me considered sexual assault? I know the definition varies in different states, so I'm not sure what happened to me.

[pegasus]

Nonconsensual sex (sex acts) is assault/rape. So, if you said no and he carried on then that would be assault. If he harmed you, please let someone know. Be safe.

[gayleggg]

DrSkipper, I've taken this kind of risk in the past. It weighed heavily on my conscience and put me in quite a bit of danger. I remember thinking as I knocked on a guys door, that he could kill me and know one would have an idea who he was. I did it anyway.

It turned out okay but I couldn't have known that. I met him online and took a chance. Please be careful. I didn't do it again. I figured I got lucky that time and didn't want to take another chance. You can't trust everyone.

[LaraHugs]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

... he was looking for a submissive white female he could take vengeance on, as he told me he felt angry for what whites had done to black people (he is black), and explained all the violent acts he wanted to commit with me ...

This is what he tells you, and so you thought that when you got there that the two of you were going to have tea and cookies?

The issue here is you, not him. He told you, he warned you. He didn't trick you, or lie to you, he didn't abuse you.

I believe in self accountability. It is true that there are people who are fractured, people who have issues in which they cannot control. I don't see here where you had no control.

You weren't a victim. My advise to you would be to use some common sense.

[Middlemarcher]

DrSkipper, I'm so sorry this happened. If you see or can see a therapist, that might help in getting past this event. Give yourself time.

Meeting with someone offline, whether or not kink is involved, is a risky thing. There are a number of kink websites with safety tips for online & real-world interaction. Here is one:
BDSM -- Some Notes on Safety for Meeting On-line and Off

I hope you find some useful information.

And if you meet with anyone who begins to engage in kinky play without a lot of negotiation of the scene & talking about limits FIRST, run, don't walk away.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by LaraHugs

This is what he tells you, and so you thought that when you got there that the two of you were going to have tea and cookies?

The issue here is you, not him. He told you, he warned you. He didn't trick you, or lie to you, he didn't abuse you.

I believe in self accountability. It is true that there are people who are fractured, people who have issues in which they cannot control. I don't see here where you had no control.

You weren't a victim. My advise to you would be to use some common sense.

He didnt tell me any of this until i got to his house. Online he told me he was kinky and asked if i was into kink. I told him i was openminded and have never tried it before.

[LiteraryLark]

I cant imagine anyone who would put blame on someone for getting put into a dangerous position, ever.

[LiteraryLark]

No one deserves that to happen to them.

[LaraHugs]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

I cant imagine anyone who would put blame on someone for getting put into a dangerous position, ever.

I can't imagine that either.

You weren't "put" into this situation, you willingly engaged.

There's a difference.

[LaraHugs]

A little common sense goes a long way.

[LiteraryLark]

Im going to ask you to avoid posting on my threads. This is a support group. You weren't there, so you have no right to judge. It was a scary experience whether it was my fault or not

[Clara22]

Hi Drskipper,
I do not know if i am right but to me kinky means unusual (like foot-sucking). I do not think it means submission. If the guy wanted a submissive woman he should have told you first. He did not communicate well, perhaps unwillingly, perhaps on purpose. I am glad you are safe. Take care

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Clara22

Hi Drskipper,
I do not know if i am right but to me kinky means unusual (like foot-sucking). I do not think it means submission. If the guy wanted a submissive woman he should have told you first. He did not communicate well, perhaps unwillingly, perhaps on purpose. I am glad you are safe. Take care

Kink involves all of BDSM, and yes, he should have told me what he had expected of me before I got there.

[Clara22]

Thanks for clarifying. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.

[~Christina]

Would it be possible for you to say meet for coffee first instead of just going to a private setting? Always follow your gut instinct as you did in this case.. I am very glad that you got out of there safely

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Would it be possible for you to say meet for coffee first instead of just going to a private setting? Always follow your gut instinct as you did in this case.. I am very glad that you got out of there safely

Originally we were supposed to meet at a bar in my town and I wasn't too fond of that idea, but he invited me over to watch movies.

[Middlemarcher]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Originally we were supposed to meet at a bar in my town and I wasn't too fond of that idea, but he invited me over to watch movies.

I'd watch out for this one in the future. "Come over and watch a movie" is usually dating scene code for "come over and have sex." A trustworthy person will meet you in public first. If you don't want it to be at a bar, that's your right; suggest a restaurant, coffee shop, movie theater, etc. You have the right to be assertive in ensuring your safety.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

I'd watch out for this one in the future. "Come over and watch a movie" is usually dating scene code for "come over and have sex." A trustworthy person will meet you in public first. If you don't want it to be at a bar, that's your right; suggest a restaurant, coffee shop, movie theater, etc. You have the right to be assertive in ensuring your safety.

Well, I'm fairly new to the dating scene. Can't "Let's watch movies" just mean "let's watch movies"?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Well, I'm fairly new to the dating scene. Can't "Let's watch movies" just mean "let's watch movies"?

Ummm I would say no Until you have had time to be around the person, get a feel for him, listen to your gut instinct, have a date or 2 .. Then yeah "let's watch movies" could be just a popcorn and movie nite and a lil something on the side if you both agree.

There is just an enormous amount of people out there that use social media for just hook ups and hey that's fine.

I just think as a pretty young lady you need to take precautions to stay safe. Did you tell anyone you were going to his home? and the address?

Just stay safe