I'm just wondering as it seems it's only meant for married couples and long-term partners. I've only been with my partner for a few month, but we both have serious sexual dysfunctions and it bothers me to no end all the time. Other than low libido (both of our sex drives are usually high), we seem to have every other problem that might affect someone sexually. For me that means I can't stay aroused, foreplay is uncomfortable/painful, I can't orgasm ever. It got to the point that I had to stop all attempts at sex (foreplay or intercourse) because I don't think blindly attempting the same tiny repertoire of activities is going to magically cause it to work like he seems to think. I'm not sure if it's that he's unwillingly to expand or he just doesn't know how. And what am I supposed to do, I have less experience than him! It was weird that I knew more sex positions than him as a virgin…Not to mention that I can't mention anything I might be interested in because when I do it gets shot down. I guess it's all gross so I just keep it to myself.

Also, without being mean, how do I ask him to please address his own sexual dysfunction? I think he takes my patience and acceptance as meaning he doesn't need to work on it when I would like to actually experience intercourse once in my life the way it's supposed to be and not like this.

Back to my original question, even though we haven't been together very long, is it reasonable to see a sex therapist already? I feel our relationship has so much potential that will be destroyed if we keep trying and failing to figure out sex on our own.

Edit: I should also add that we're both young and healthy otherwise, so it's most likely completely psychological for both of us. Besides, I already had a full check-up about a month or two ago and everything was fine physically then.

[Webgoji]

Hello I.Am.The.End, I personally think any time is a good time. We have it in our heads that seeing a sex therapist is only something for us old married couples, but getting a handle on our sexuality as it relates to others shouldn't be something that has to wait until crisis time. I remember a quote ... maybe by Dr. Phil? ... that said, "Sex is a small part of a relationship except when there's a problem with it. Then it's a huge part of the relationship."

I personally think you're right in that it would be reasonable for you both to go see someone. Get a handle on it before it becomes a huge part of the relationship. If you have a partner willing to work through it with you, I'm sure it will go much smoother for both of you. At the very least, I've read quite a few of your posts and I think it would be a good idea for you any way.

[bixkf]

It's never too soo or too late to get help. I'm not an expert, but I can see that you might be carrying some baggage with respect to your partner's sexual experience and knowledge and that might translate into a resistance of even trying to be intimate.

I've been through this and am still going through it. We've tried sex therapy and in the end I'm the only one going. It can help, you both might be able to work things out and "reset" both your expectations, and then have an amazing and satisfying sex life.

Please don't give up before you even start!

[SnakeCharmer]

It's not too soon and if he won't go, there's nothing wrong with an individual going on there own, no matter how much or how little experience they have.

If sexual enjoyment isn't coming naturally, it makes a lot of sense for a young inexperienced person to seek the wise counsel of a therapist with expertise in helping people resolve all different kinds of sex troubles.

After thinking about this for a few minutes, I highly recommend it. I know several people who developed hang-ups, phobias and sexual shyness because their first sexual adventures were more unpleasant than enjoyable. If a hang-up or fear develops, it'll be harder to get rid of if it's allowed to linger too long.

I also know someone, a single person, who made significant improvements after talking to a sex therapist just six times. They sought out a marital/sex therapist although they had never been married and had never had a relationship, just one night stands that didn't go well. They've had relationships since then that worked out okay.

Take care. You're both brave and wise to consider getting this kind of help. I wish you the best.

[Phreak]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I can't mention anything I might be interested in because when I do it gets shot down.

Erm that's a sign to get a new partner, not just sexual therapy!

So, we've discussed it and have decided to go. The problem now is that there really aren't any sex therapists where we live. Most of them are in the next city over which is a bit too far to drive back and forth yet another time each week, especially in the middle of the day. The only other option is a male therapist in the city we live in who specializes in these issues (but isn't officially a Certified Sex Therapist), but I'm terrified of/hate most men, so going to a male therapist would be very difficult for me.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

The only other option is a male therapist in the city we live in who specializes in these issues (but isn't officially a Certified Sex Therapist), but I'm terrified of/hate most men, so going to a male therapist would be very difficult for me.

Hmmm ... I'm just wondering out loud if that isn't a perfect reason you should go to that particular therapist. Speaking with a male therapist in a comfortable environment and being able to work through your problems there might be very beneficial ...

... or it might add so much stress on top of it that you never accomplish anything and come out worse than before.

Honestly you're the only who knows how that would go. Just a thought.

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Hmmm ... I'm just wondering out loud if that isn't a perfect reason you should go to that particular therapist. Speaking with a male therapist in a comfortable environment and being able to work through your problems there might be very beneficial ...

... or it might add so much stress on top of it that you never accomplish anything and come out worse than before.

Honestly you're the only who knows how that would go. Just a thought.

It could be a perfect reason, I can't say I haven't thought that myself. I suppose if I'm upfront with the therapist that I have issues with men then maybe he'll be sensitive to that. It's just that I have tried a male therapist before (regular talk therapy) and it felt like he spoke to me like I was a stupid little girl and I couldn't talk to him about my bad experiences with men then either. I guess if I'm not going alone and I have someone to "protect" me, it'll feel safer? I'm just afraid of being "surrounded by the enemy", as in me and two men. Obviously one isn't an enemy, but I don't know about the therapist yet. I realize part of my problem is that I assume all men are dangerous until proven otherwise.

Also, if this therapist is a guy, what's to stop him from just taking my significant other's side and turning him against me? I mean, the whole men sticking together and blaming women for everything? I'm not saying I'm entirely blameless, but I don't want my gender dictating how seriously my feelings are being taken.

My plan right now is to do some more investigation and look to see if there aren't any female therapists in our city that will work and if there's not, go to this guy and if that doesn't work, then go over to the next city to one of those therapists.