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Old Jan 31, 2015, 01:33 AM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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I identify as straight woman and have only been in romantic relationships with men.

I'm sexually attracted to men. I have no sexual attraction to women.

I find most women aesthetically pleasing to look at. Rarely do I find men aesthetically pleasing to look at.

I have deep emotional connections to women. I have only had an emotional connection to two different men: one I found out later is gay.

I feel physically and emotionally safe with most women. I do not feel physically and emotionally safe with most men.

I enjoy non-sexual touch from women more so than I do men.

So the only thing that makes me straight is my sexual attraction.

Does emotional attraction have to be related to sexual attraction? Am I emotionally attracted to women, but sexually attracted to men?

I have been this way my whole life. My friends would say "Oh look at that hot guy over there", and I couldn't pick the guy out. But my dad would say: "That woman over there is hot", and I instantly knew which woman it was. People have often told me I should be a lesbian if not bi. But the thought of me being sexually intimate with a woman is disgusting and I'm not homophobic in anyway.

I have had over 20 "mother-figures" in my life. I have also been taken advantage of by many men. There are also somethings about me that suggest something happened to me sexually as a child, but I have absolutely no memory of anything.

So it might be assumed that the non-sexual intimacy I experience with women is due to a mother-child type role. But I have experienced non-sexual intimacy with girls my age too. And 2 male friends.

Is there an explanation or term that describes me? Am I just weird? Does anyone else relate?

I read somewhere that this would be considered bisexual. Is that true? Or is it bi-[something else]?
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Last edited by ScarletPimpernel; Jan 31, 2015 at 01:52 AM.
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  #2  
Old Jan 31, 2015, 02:06 AM
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sideblinded sideblinded is offline
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I can understand your confusion but all too many times we are looking for labels that just are not needed. I believe that you are straight as you do not have sexual attraction to women. That would be considered bi. It is most likely that something occurred in your life that caused you to have trust issues with men. So it is hard to emotionally attach to men. Many years ago women stayed together while the men went off to war or work or to hunt and gather. Women were in the company of women for centuries and we are emotionally more alike than men as well. It is no wonder that you can appreciate a woman's beauty but that does not necessarily make you bi or a lesbian. I think you are worrying about nothing at all. Enjoy your women friends.
Thanks for this!
ScarletPimpernel, Webgoji
  #3  
Old Jan 31, 2015, 07:28 AM
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Webgoji Webgoji is offline
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I agree completely with Sideblinded. I'll also add that this jumped out at me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
But my dad would say: "That woman over there is hot", and I instantly knew which woman it was.
Obviously we're only looking at a snapshot, but your confusion might be much more subtle than pure trust issues or even some kind of childhood trauma. I could be more a subconscious reaction to your father noticing women other than your mother. Maybe you trained yourself to notice women because below the surface you didn't want your dad noticing them over your mom?

I don't know obviously, I just found that particular sentence very telling and could be reading a lot into it.

Oh, and like Sideblinded said, there's no need to worry about labels. Sexuality is a broad spectrum, not neat little on-size-fits-all categories. Be who you are, that's the most important thing.
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Thanks for this!
ScarletPimpernel, sideblinded
  #4  
Old Feb 04, 2015, 04:55 AM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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I accept who I am. I'm not ashamed about it. Just more wondering if it was common. I've never asked anyone. When I tell people they kind of give me a weird look, but it's never been a big deal.

Sideblinded: Interesting about the bond btwn women. You reminded me that my T actually made a comment on how women need a different level and type of socialization then men.

Webgoji: It could also be that I was aware of my dad's interest in other women (though I know he never cheated).

I guess it could be all those things coupled with my childhood and how events unholded. It doesn't bother me how I am and it's not an issue... It just seems weird because I would assume it's more common that if you have a sexual attraction to men, then you would have an emotional connection to.
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  #5  
Old Feb 04, 2015, 05:29 PM
AppalachianAxis AppalachianAxis is offline
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It's more common than you might think. Everyone experiences different sorts of attraction to different genders to *some* degree.

Take myself for example.
I find women of just about every shape and size attractive. In strictly aesthetic terms as well as sexually. And I am comfortable with the idea of romantic relationships with a woman.
I can find men to be aesthetically pleasing, but only sometimes. But I also think men are really sexually attractive, but I have a weird condition that I only find male bodies sexually attractive below the neck! If I so much as glimpse a face, it's an imadiadte 110% turn-off. A sudden reminder of "Ew! Wait, that's a GUY! Gross!" And I could never ever imagine myself in a romantic relationship with another male.
Thanks for this!
ScarletPimpernel
  #6  
Old Feb 04, 2015, 08:52 PM
psychandsinging psychandsinging is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
I identify as straight woman and have only been in romantic relationships with men.

I'm sexually attracted to men. I have no sexual attraction to women.

I find most women aesthetically pleasing to look at. Rarely do I find men aesthetically pleasing to look at.

I have deep emotional connections to women. I have only had an emotional connection to two different men: one I found out later is gay.

I feel physically and emotionally safe with most women. I do not feel physically and emotionally safe with most men.

I enjoy non-sexual touch from women more so than I do men.

So the only thing that makes me straight is my sexual attraction.

Does emotional attraction have to be related to sexual attraction? Am I emotionally attracted to women, but sexually attracted to men?

I have been this way my whole life. My friends would say "Oh look at that hot guy over there", and I couldn't pick the guy out. But my dad would say: "That woman over there is hot", and I instantly knew which woman it was. People have often told me I should be a lesbian if not bi. But the thought of me being sexually intimate with a woman is disgusting and I'm not homophobic in anyway.

I have had over 20 "mother-figures" in my life. I have also been taken advantage of by many men. There are also somethings about me that suggest something happened to me sexually as a child, but I have absolutely no memory of anything.

So it might be assumed that the non-sexual intimacy I experience with women is due to a mother-child type role. But I have experienced non-sexual intimacy with girls my age too. And 2 male friends.

Is there an explanation or term that describes me? Am I just weird? Does anyone else relate?

I read somewhere that this would be considered bisexual. Is that true? Or is it bi-[something else]?
I'm pretty sure that's biromantic
  #7  
Old Feb 05, 2015, 12:50 AM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by psychandsinging View Post
I'm pretty sure that's biromantic
Thank you for that term. Helped me do a little more research. Unfortunately that's not me. The closest term I found is homoromantic heterosexual. I never considered a romantic non-sexual relationship with a woman though.
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  #8  
Old Feb 06, 2015, 02:59 AM
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MixolydianGray MixolydianGray is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
Does emotional attraction have to be related to sexual attraction?
This is the main question of the post, so this is what I'm going to address.

The answer is "No." Your emotional attraction and sexual attraction can differ from gender to gender or person to person, depending on who you are and where your tastes lie.

I'll use myself as an example. From a sexual standpoint, I'm bisexual. Depending on the person, I can be sexually attracted to both men and women. However, I'm NOT biromantic. At this point in my life, I have only sought out (and been a part of) meaningful relationships with men. I can't imagine myself being with a woman romantically.

Who knows what can happen, though? Like Webgoji said, sexuality is a broad spectrum, and it's very fluid, so it can change over time. Until recently (meaning within the last six months), I was convinced I was heterosexual. Now, if I were to rank myself on the Kinsey Scale, I'd be at a 2.
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Thanks for this!
Webgoji
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