please i need help abd advise...am so confused :(well hello yall new here, first of

well hello yall

new here, first of all please i m not too good in writing or expressing myself so if you find any mistakes dont get offended. This post will be sort of long too please bare with me

To the main issue on ground, i have been feeling down for a really long while over this sexual orientation issue. i m 20 years of age about to finish my degree in the university. i have never had any form of relationship or sex. so you could just imgaine how naive i m in this ascepts. i came from a very stict religious home and my folks hold all this sex and relationship thing serious.
Because of this religious upbringing i just never bothered to know more about my sexuality, i just assumed that i will eventually just find a guy i like and you know then i would explore with him when married of course.
After some years for the first time in my life last year, out of boredom and this great urge i decided to browse through some nude pics, most of the picture i saw where mostly women and sincerly i just adored the body,curves, the boobs and gosh i just couldnt stop starring. The thing is before then i have actually felt an attraction towards women than men, though i have had a lot of male crushes but you know i never took it seriously because of my belief against homos and all that. i thought it was normal to like the female sex that way like i said i was very naive. The attraction has been there a long time since i can remember, sometimes unconsiously find myself starring at a fellow woman back side or boobs.
The main issue now is that since i enter university, my world has changed completly i m not longer has religious as before and i have began to free myself from some silly beliefs and i try to be open to people has possible, i m trying to know more about myself and try to be happy....This sexual orientation stuff just began to hit me last year after that lil porn i watched, i still feel terrible about it. Though i dont know how to describe how the urge i felt to just have sex i dont remember what triggered that feeling. i have never really thought of having sex with anyone before though i have had though of romantic relationship but with guys mostly not females. The thing is am not really attracted to a guy body but is character mostly recently i discovered that i just love looking at ladies naked. i feel like a big pervert now, i dont know what to do to fight this lust.
To make it worse some days back i imgained a girl friend and I, on top ourselves both naked caressing each other and smooching. (not sex i find it difficult imagining having sex with someone) i tried so much to stop this thought the more i tried the worse i felt, a part of me loved this feeling another part of me hated this. like i was trying to escape from myself, i just decided to let it slide and after my fantansy i felt even more terrible. till now i cant get the thought out of my head and when i see her now i just imgaine her naked and her just by my side. i m so terrified i cant speak to her normally, been trying as hard to avoid her by all means and avoiding phsyical contact with her.

to cut the long story short, i m not sure if i m lesbian or if i m bisexual as i have had crushes on guys and had some fantasies with them....i m just confused and its killing me seriously i have been trying to work myself off the thought but it keeps getting worse. i try as much to avoid looking at ladies and not to get too attached to any guy so i dont develop a crush or vice versa....but it is not working. please i need help am so confused what am i? what can i do to stop the guilt i feel? i m so afraid and scared because where i live there is high rate of homophobia and there is even an anti-gay law on ground for been gay or lesbian... if am one i dont wanna end in jail, but i just want to be a happy person. please help me!!

I'm 24, I'm a giant lesbian, and I was raised in a very religious family.

It's okay to watch pornography and to fantasize. I know it's difficult to overcome the idea that it's wrong and shameful, but it isn't. Just remember that you haven't done anything to hurt anyone. You haven't done anything to your friend. She can't read your mind, so she isn't going to know about your fantasies unless you tell her about them.

I can't tell you if you're a lesbian or if you're bisexual. Only you can figure that out. It's okay to be uncertain about your sexuality. Sexual identity is very complicated, and it's okay if it takes a long time for you to understand how you're feeling and what that means to you.

When I realized that I was a lesbian, the only way I was able to stop feeling guilty was by accepting it. That took a long time, and it wasn't easy.

I wish I had good advise for dealing with the anti-gay laws in Nigeria (if that's where you're still located). I really hope someone else here will be able to help you with that!

I think UCMATH gave some great advice there. And anti-gay laws are soooo destructive. I don't have anything useful to add, but my thoughts and prayers go out to you.

sigh over a hundred views and just 2 comments. Well,it is all good...i really appreciate your Advise UCMATH and Webgoji.

Been so sad lately and almost everyone around me fear and hate homos. I m so scared.

how did you know you were lesbian UCMATH?

Hmm. It's really complicated, and I don't think there was a single moment when I knew. I've always been attracted to women, but I wasn't raised around queer people and didn't know much about them until I was a teen. I was raised by a Mormon bishop and spent a lot of time listening to people talk about how disgusting same-sex relationships are. I used to secretly watch episodes of Will and Grace, but I didn't realize that the gay people I was watching on television were the same people I heard about in church. Plus, there weren't many openly lesbian celebrities at the time.

You'd think I would have realized that my attraction to women meant I was gay, but i didn't. It's just something I slowly became aware of. While my female friends had crushes on men and talked about wanting to date them, I wanted to cuddle with older women. I honestly believed that I just developed very close friendships with other women. I didn't realize that there was something romantic or sexual about it. Once I figured that out, I thought I might be bisexual. Then I realized that I'd never been attracted to any men before. That solidified it for me.

Pinkhater: OUCH.

Don't worry too much about the lack of comments as opposed to the number of views; a lot of people just may not have much advice to give because they have never been in the situation where they lived in an area that condemned the very thing they are afraid they may very well be. It doesn't mean people don't care.

Your sexuality is, well, just that... your own. As UCMath pointed out, it's up to you to figure it out. Unluckily, you live in an area where it's terrifying to be who you are. I'm so sorry.

The only advice I really have is to stop beating yourself up! Berating yourself or living in a guilt->shame->desire->excitement->lust->guilt->shame cycle will only hurt you in the short and long term. Forgive yourself for not following along the societal norms, and be gentle with yourself when you question yourself. Pretend you are your own best friend, and when your inner voice starts beating you up, respond kindly and gently to yourself... talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who came to you for advice.

In Anthropology in the states, there is growing interest in Queer Theory. This theory proposes that only a very, very few people are entirely homosexual or entirely heterosexual; that the vast majority of people fall in the middle of the bell curve, and are bisexual to some extent or another. Maybe that will help you to come to terms with the fact that you fall somewhere in the middle; almost everyone does, it's just a matter of self acceptance and societal acceptance for us to realise it, or whether we let it out to play.

Hang in there. It's not easy, but nothing worth doing ever is; and being your own best friend will be the greatest start you can have.