[tin58]

I've always been so confused about sex and relationships.

due to my upbringing I feel these extreme lack of confidence in life. I was bullied and called gay at school. I don't believe I am gay but I don't feel manly or confident at all. I contantly feel worry or shame about my sexuality.

do to religious influence in my life I feel at a loss when it comes to sexual desire. I don't know what to do with it. How do I not feel guilty or how do I handle it in a healthy way?

[healingme4me]

Bullying can certainly have negative effects. Have you sought counseling to recover from the abuse?

[tin58]

I a m but I don't feel it's helping any. Its been over a year.

[Webgoji]

It sounds like it may take quite a bit of time and a lot of hard work to overcome what you went through. Give yourself time. Also, do you do any hobbies or sports that might help as well like weight lifting, soccer or writing? Something that you can hang your hat on and help give you a sense of pride and confidence.

[tin58]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

It sounds like it may take quite a bit of time and a lot of hard work to overcome what you went through. Give yourself time. Also, do you do any hobbies or sports that might help as well like weight lifting, soccer or writing? Something that you can hang your hat on and help give you a sense of pride and confidence.

Not really. I dont know why but I have always had a hard time with sports and competitive things. For some reason I have trouble exterting myself physically. I've always thought it was really odd. There are people who appear to be poorer shape then me but have more stamina + strength. I don't get it.

I did get a dog and I spend some time with her training and at the park. I've been trying to get into taking her on hikes etc but idk it's so hard for me. I'm afraid of stuff

For instance my parents have made me afraid of doing things like weightlifting or hiking.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by tin58

For instance my parents have made me afraid of doing things like weightlifting or hiking.

I think this is an indicator of bigger problems. It sounds like seeing a counselor and working with your dog is a start. You might have a long way to go so be patient with yourself.

[tin58]

My parents were alcohlics and so it was easier to control a fearful child. So they always made a big deal about a lot of things. Like lifting weights (I'm going to kill myself with them, I'm warned) or even crossing the street. I was so terrified I had trouble going to the grocery store or gas station at one point. Im 28 now and I've been able to overcome a lot of that harmful fearful upbringing. But I still feel lost and alone.

I had no idea that all this was not normal until I got older (late teens early 20s)

I wish I understood how it relates to my uneasiness with masculinity and sex tho idk

[Ganganthefatman]

Are you wanting to do any of these activities? If you just don't feel like it, then it sounds to me like that's just who you are. And if that is the case, then don't worry about the thought others may carry about you.

Not being into manly things doesnt make you less masculine, it just means you have no interest in those subjects. I know plenty of men who by societies standards appear to be feminie, but are actually just as straight as the "jocks."

In my opinion, I think you should just embrace who you are, unless it's not who YOU want to be.

When you live tryng to be what you feel others admire for their approval, you're not living, you're just slowly killing who you really are, and that in itself is no way to live.