[scottsprouse]

Hey Guys and Girls,

This is my first post and if it's in the wrong section let me know.

My name is Scott and I am am 26 years old and I have been married for 4 years to my wife who is 25 years old. We have an almost 5 year old and almost 3 year old. Before we married she was aware of my entire past, the fact that I had been sexually abused, that I knew I was gay, and all the stuff I have done including that this first time I had sex I was 7 with a friend spending the night. So there is no doubt in my mind she didn't know what she was getting into. She is an ex-mormon and I would consider myself christian and I think she would to now, we go to a christian church on most Sundays.

We had a great friendship and great time just talking for hours on the phone, texting for hours, and just enjoying spending time together be it off-roading my truck or watching a movie together. Our dating life was pretty damn great. Then we got married, got divorced (insurance reasons), had a kid, moved states, got remarried and bought a house. It seems like about 18 months after we got married, we just weren't as passionate or romantic with each other and I started having cravings that she could not fully satisfy even though we even did role-reversal during sex. I started looking at gay porn, and after about 6 months of looking at porn and still occasionally having sex with my wife, I started to desire more then just porn, more then just my wife so sometime in like October of 2013 I posted a craigslist add looking to meet up with a guy on my lunch break. I never actaully met up with any of the people that responded cause one didn't like any and two after posting I felt bad and removed it about 20 minutes later.

Fast forward to April of 2014 one of her sisters who was i believe 19 at the time was out here for spring break and kept coming onto me and flirting with me. While my wife was out with the boys and my sister we stayed home cause I had work to do and her sister wasn't feeling well. While I was working the sister starts touching me and rubbing me and one thing led to another and we tried to have sex which didn't last longer then like 3 minutes because I couldn't stay aroused for her... That was a few weeks before our anniversary, a day after our anniversary the sister told my wife what had happened and apologized. Me and my wife talked about it and we discussed everything and after a week or 2 it died down a little bit after me explaining what happened and that I wouldn't do it again and I was sorry, of course she is still hurt by it and I don't blame her.

Not fast forward to i think june or july of 2014, my wife is going through my phone and finds the emails from 2013 of the guys I was talking to and we get into a argument and asked me if I wanted men over her or if I wanted out of the relationship.. I told her no to both and that I loved her and that I never met with them and that it was stupid, it was because I had been looking at porn and I was having desires that I didn't follow through with. She I think somewhat didn't believe me, but overall she let it go. We started seeing a counselor that specialized in marriage counseling and had experience with homosexuality and MOMs. It went well at first and she helped me come terms with my abuse in the past and a lot of stuff, but then it turned quickly with her telling me she thinks we would be happier if we separated but stayed close friends and co-parented for the kids. This was after we had told her we wanted to stay together at the beginning of our first session and that we were here to find a way to make things work.

Life goes on for the next year and we get a lot of it behind us, we had our good days and we had our bad days. I also had issues with ED so this causes issues with trying to have sex with her. There has been times where I stumble and have strong desires to get pleasure from someone behind her back. She is strongly strongly opposed to open marriages and said if thats what I want then we can get a divorce. Also I still look at porn or read stories and jack off on a regular basis, I know this isn't helping with being able to perform for my wife, but I mean I could jack off probably 4 or 5 times a day to gay porn or stories and I would be lucky to be able to perform once maybe twice for my wife in a given day without having arousal issues.

Now we come to the present, last week my wife found some pictures of me, along with pictures of other guys. The pictures of me were supposed to be sent privately to my wife during times she was out of town, but I never sent them because she was out of town with her family and didn't want them to pop up while she was sitting next to them. The pictures of the other guys (2) were on my phone because I have been getting lots of spam from random people and some of them have pictures of men or women naked. We have had sex 3 times since then and 2 out of 3 times I have had issues with ED.

I love my wife and I love my two little boys to death and don't want to hurt any of them, I want us to stay together as a family and I want to be able to make my wife happy in every way. Mentally, emotionally, physically. psychologically, you name it and I want to be the one to make her happy. She says she doesn't feel desired and that there is a lack of passion, but I am unsure of how to show her that I do desire her and that I am passionate about or marriage. She told me last night that she thinks or marriage is failing and the rate we are going we won't last.

Truth be told I don't know if we will last either, me desires to be with a man that can satisfy me in ways that she can't due to no fault of her own. Just like I want her to be happy and be with a man that can desire her and satisfy her in ways only a straight man could, unfortunately I don't know if I can become that "straight" man.

I am just so lost and confused and don't know what to do, I have depression just by thinking about this.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi scottsprouse,

Just stopping by to leave you a very quick note and a very warm welcome to Psych Central.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through difficulties with this relationship based on mixed orientation

I've got friends who face the similar struggles due to the same circumstance, and I admire their resiliance to keep going strong in their relationship despite the adversities that they face.

So I'm glad that you are here reaching out for support.

You deserve to be in a happy and prosperous relationship.

I also want to acknowledge the Community Liaisons and the important role that they play here at Psych Central, all of which they do voluntarily in their free time. I do not doubt for one second that they will help you in a heartbeat, as much as they have helped me along my journey since November 2013 too.

The Script - Superheroes

[Webgoji]

Okay, 1 ... stop looking outside your marriage.

2, you both and you in particular need to sit down and be very honest. You need to give the marriage a fighting chance (see 1) and work hard. After you've exhausted all options and done everything humanly possible (counseling, couple's exercises and such) then if you are honest with yourself and wife and you still won't be happy, then it's time to consider parting ways.

But, don't look outside your marriage, be honest with yourself and your wife, work hard and if nothing works, then consider for the happiness of each other moving on. Don't do the opposite by messing around outside your marriage and not being honest with yourself and her.

[scottsprouse]

Believe I have tried, I don't constantly look outside of my marriage. Yes I look at porn, but I haven't actively seeked anyone out in over a year. Have I wanted to, due to my unhappiness... heck yeah I did, but for my marriage I restrained.

Couple counseling almost separated us, not sure if she'd be willing to give it another go.

I just don't know how to desire and really show her that I love her in that way when I am not sexually attracted to her or any female for that matter.

She says she wants to feel desired for and feel like I am attracted to her, but idk how to do that.

Sent from my SM-G925V using Tapatalk

[Ganganthefatman]

You clearly need to leave, move on, and be happy with men because that's what clearly makes you happy. She deserves someone who wants her. The both of you do.

The more you push yourself through this, the more you supress your true feelings.

You love her, but you're not in love with her. If you care for how she feels, then leave, because the longer you drag this out, the more pain youre going to bear on her mind, as well as your kids.