[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Just curious if anyone out there is interested in BDSM and if so do it relate to any other issues you might have? Also wondered how people in this community view it.

I have been into it since my late teens. When my mother, who is a psychologist, out (because my sister told her) she lectured me on how it was unhealthy and that there was something wrong with me. Because of this I suffered a lot of shame over it and this my sex life suffered severely. Years later I met my current fiancé who helped me work through that shame and embrace my kinks.

I was brought up to feel like sex was something shameful to begin with, but BDSM allowed me to give up control and enjoy it unhindered. Especially once I got over the residual feelings my mom made me feel after she found out I was into it.

Pain in general is a release for me. It relieves my anxiety temporarily and engaging in a scene with my fiancé allows me to forget about all the things that worry me, and even my BDD issues with my body. So it's been a good thing in my life, almost therapeutic.

[eskielover]

Personally, I don't think that giving up control to have sex is what sex is to be all about. I don't want anyone to have power over me & I don't want to have power over anyone else when it comes to the sexual act. Having sex is a bonding activity between 2 people that releases the oxitocin & creates a bonding experience in a mutual loving & caring situation.

engaging in a scene with my fiancé allows me to forget about all the things that worry me, and even my BDD issues with my body. So it's been a good thing in my life, almost therapeutic.

Maybe if you had help regarding "all the things that worry me, & even my BDD issues with my body" you wouldn't have the need for BDSM & you wouldn't need someone to have control over you & you would have more control over your own self & body.....that might be more theraputic & more healthy for future relations in your whole marriage relationship.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Personally, I don't think that giving up control to have sex is what sex is to be all about. I don't want anyone to have power over me & I don't want to have power over anyone else when it comes to the sexual act. Having sex is a bonding activity between 2 people that releases the oxitocin & creates a bonding experience in a mutual loving & caring situation.

Maybe if you had help regarding "all the things that worry me, & even my BDD issues with my body" you wouldn't have the need for BDSM & you wouldn't need someone to have control over you & you would have more control over your own self & body.....that might be more theraputic & more healthy for future relations in your whole marriage relationship.

Actually the BDSM has brought my parter and I closer together. Closer than any relationship either of us has ever had. I think there is a big misconception that BDSM is always an unhealthy thing, and I dot agree with that. The power exchange is about trust. I am a control freak in everyday life, which causes me a lot of stress. Trusting my parter enough to relinquish control to him is an amazing thing. It lets me forget everything and just exist.

[eskielover]

Also wondered how people in this community view it.

You asked for how other's in this community view it & this is how this other views it. I am a control freak in my life also but this is still how I view it.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Originally Posted by eskielover

You asked for how other's in this community view it & this is how this other views it. I am a control freak in my life also but this is still how I view it.

I hope you didn't take my reply as invalidating your view on BDSM. I know and respect that everyone has their own opinions on it, and also that it is not for everyone. I was merely explaining why I feel it is a good thing for me and my relationship.

[2inchtallman]

Originally Posted by Anxiousvalkyrie

I hope you didn't take my reply as invalidating your view on BDSM. I know and respect that everyone has their own opinions on it, and also that it is not for everyone. I was merely explaining why I feel it is a good thing for me and my relationship.

It is so great to read how you have found, in your partner, a relationship where you both are free to engage in BDSM in a way that helps to bring about pleasure even surpassing levels that you might not otherwise attain. Thank you so much for sharing both the journey that you've been on, and the experience with BDSM. You also provided an admirable response to others who may not be able to relate to the aspects of this special kind of bonding - bondage even! :-)

[ididwhat?]

As long as you're comfortable with whatever you might be doing sexually, I say go for it. BDSM is not my thing—oh, I totally get how giving up control is an ultimate form of intimacy, that I can do—but, I don't need pain (so far, anyway... ... at least, I don't think I do. See? I'm open to the possibility of things, let's say, especially with a committed, trusted partner) to tip me over the edge.
In my understanding of BDSM, one of the great things about these type of relationships is the fact that boundaries are set, and agreed upon. Partners actually freely (I would/do/try to/I hope they do...) talk about their sexual likes and limits and all. That's gotta be a good thing.
I've overcome the sex/shame/good girl/***** thing, but happily, I have recently come to embrace my sexual side... and, learn about my own sexual boundaries.
I think I can even sum it up for y'all: Gimme a trusted and committed partner, and I'll give him all the wild sex he can think up... (probably, at least, we can discuss it, lovingly.).
Anyway, I got off on a tangent, here...
You KNOW what works for you... only you know that. Go for it, stay happy.

[Anxiousvalkyrie]

Originally Posted by 2inchtallman

It is so great to read how you have found, in your partner, a relationship where you both are free to engage in BDSM in a way that helps to bring about pleasure even surpassing levels that you might not otherwise attain. Thank you so much for sharing both the journey that you've been on, and the experience with BDSM. You also provided an admirable response to others who may not be able to relate to the aspects of this special kind of bonding - bondage even! :-)

Thanks for your response! I realize that a lot of people don't understand or don't approve of bondage activities. But I truly believe if conducted in the right way with two loving parters who very openly communicate it can create a bond unlike any other.

If you are both into it, go for it.

[loveme_or_leaveme]

Originally Posted by Anxiousvalkyrie

Just curious if anyone out there is interested in BDSM and if so do it relate to any other issues you might have? Also wondered how people in this community view it.

I have been into it since my late teens. When my mother, who is a psychologist, out (because my sister told her) she lectured me on how it was unhealthy and that there was something wrong with me. Because of this I suffered a lot of shame over it and this my sex life suffered severely. Years later I met my current fiancé who helped me work through that shame and embrace my kinks.

I was brought up to feel like sex was something shameful to begin with, but BDSM allowed me to give up control and enjoy it unhindered. Especially once I got over the residual feelings my mom made me feel after she found out I was into it.

Pain in general is a release for me. It relieves my anxiety temporarily and engaging in a scene with my fiancé allows me to forget about all the things that worry me, and even my BDD issues with my body. So it's been a good thing in my life, almost therapeutic.

I dont think you should let anyone tell you what sex is "supposed" to be about. If two consensual adults want to have sex a certain way, then that's up to them. That's my opinion anyway. Im not a doctor so I don't know if BDSM is psychologically unhealthy but I do know that a lot of people are into it.

I do like it though. I like when someone has power and control over me to a degree so I can relate. Nothing extreme though. Just like being held down, hands tied...ect. Maybe more someday.

For me: being dominated makes me feel loved and wanted. Like if the other person has control over me, I have a sense of belonging. If that makes sense.

If you and your partner both enjoy the experience, then maybe it's not a problem? Just make sure you don't ever let him or her push you into doing things that your not comfortable with.