Sexual Intelligence (help?)

Hello,

I’m looking to develop a better sense of my own sexuality, sexual interests and fantasies, etc. I’m wondering if anyone can recommend some good activities, books, videos or websites, preferably in a queer or gender fluid fashion. I looked in the resources link but didn’t see much about this.

A little background: I am a 40-something transgender woman, and I have been on hormones for a year. I am attracted to women, but somewhat open to all gender presentations. It is hard to relate to lesbian erotic literature because it tends to trigger a feeling of difference rather than sameness (if that makes sense). But I'm not just looking at reading things... (I know this sounds silly, but) I almost want a book of exercises that says, "Go try ABC. How did that feel? If you are comfortable with ABC, then you should try XYZ. If you are not, then check out DEF."

I've definitely made strides in body positivity and connecting with a lot of different people, lifestyles, queers, etc. But right now, these are mostly social connections, not really moving to sexual exploration. Partly, I'm guessing this is because I come across as hesitant and uncertain! Being transgender and on hormones complicates things too. My arousal has been reduced to just about nothing but I'm hoping that I just have to adapt to these new feelings.


Maybe I just need to be an adult and start exploring, but I just thought maybe there might some good tips about really developing a sense of personal sexual identity and appetite.

Thanks for any input.


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Have you tried posting this very thread in the Transgender Forum? I'm thinking that there's either not a lot of reputable literature out there or suffice to say, might have to unearth some earth to find it. Hopefully you find what you're looking for, or write up a storm of your own.

most step by step textbooks are obtainable in sex education classes. but my wife and I (both lesbians) have found a wealth of books obtainable on the internet just by redefining our google searches...

example if you are looking for information on a direct type of sex by one self you might type in the search bar ..... how to masturbate. you will get thousands of thousands of results that can point you towards book websites that have that material, in many different reading levels, maturity levels, and even in many different languages.

Sorry but re you saying you have had surgical work done too or are you just on the hormones. I have a belief that maybe the best course for gender different people like us is most probably learning to explore with someone pretty well exactly like us .Either through forums or real life. Would be happy to hear more from you.

Thank you all for the input. Seems to be the general consensus that I am looking for something that simply isn't out there in a nice, neat package. So perhaps I have to make that happen myself. There are several "parts" of what I want.

I did not specifically post it in the transgender forum here (but I did in another trans-only forum off-site). I see this less as a trans issue and more of a general human being issue. But maybe I'm being to broad in my scope. We shall see and if there is interest I may report back on my findings!

To Joandemi, I have had no surgical work done. I would like to some day but for now I am enjoying living nearly freely as myself. I've recently come out in all facets of my life and now only really need to pull together a professional wardrobe for my work, and take care of legal papers. This last part is frustrating because I am essentially out to my employer, but need to appear polished, meaning I need to spend a pretty penny on clothes. So close!

Incidentally, I picked up a great book called Tipping the Velvet that I cannot put down. On topic, tastefully erotic, and quite delicious to read, and so far not terribly explicit.

Hey, genderqueer myself, and still a virgin.
Personally, my exploration outlets have been a combination of reading erotic fanfiction to see what I like, talking to my friends (who are/have a variety of genders and sexualities and kinks), watching porn and masturbating. I don't think there's any one simple book, but I'm a virgin, so I'm probably not the best person to ask, especially since I feel sexually awkward, like I'd only really want to have sex if I was roleplaying, since I would be somebody else. But, since I'm more aware of my libido now and the things I'm into, I feel like it helped at least a little bit.
Does that help at all? ^^;

-CW

Hi CW!
For me, Tipping The Velvet was a fantastic and gentle intro to erotic queer lit. I had never read anything erotic except for a blog post here and there. Definitely will be looking for more, although I don't really care for going to dark places, which seems to make it a bit challenging, especially for the queer aspect. So much of what I have seen usually involves tragic characters and heavy drug use. Lost Boi by Sassafras Lowery was recommended but also seems to follow a pretty dark path. Definitely interested in discussing recommendations!

I'm just really trying to tune into my libido, my newfound queer identity. Apparently I've lived a somewhat sheltered life! Some aspects I'm ready to share with others, while other aspects I still want to explore privately.