I discovered I was a pretty kinky person a while back - I'm very accepting of what I like + what turns me on, but sometimes I just feel blegh about it all. I don't see myself telling anybody, as much as I'd love to experience things safely with another. I've joined several communities and always feel kind of strange after a while - almost a scared type of feeling. I want to be open and honest, but I always feel like people jump quickly to judgment and I let it bother me far too much than I should. I have a very good friend whom I met online and they help me a lot; I try to be more positive. I know my biggest thing right now is not really going out much....sometimes at the end of the day it's the last thing I want to do. I'm either exhausted or just not feeling it.
I've never been in many relationships and honestly am clueless when it comes to flirting. The few places I do venture out to (record/book stores mostly, thrift stores too), everyone is busy looking around and I am too. I assume most people are already in some type of relationship. I am patient and I certainly don't want to rush anything - sometimes it gets difficult, day-by-day misadventures. Am I worrying too much? Where do I go from here?
I feel selfish at times, even for wanting simple things like cuddling (which I love, crave and miss very much). I know I shouldn't and have no reason to. Forgive me that this is all over the place and jumbled, I am just getting my thoughts out. I'll keep it short....many thanks + love all.

[Skeezyks]

Hello lostbynovember: Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The Skeezyks sends his best wishes your way.

Thank you Skeezyks!

I'm just gonna throw this out there instead of starting more threads, the list of what I'm into. It always makes me feel like I have knots in my stomach..
So...a lot of what I like revolves around embarrassment. Bathroom accidents. Diapers. Pantypoop. Clothed wetting. Farting. And everything involves clothing, I should add. I'm not sure why I'm wired this way, but I'd rather not beat myself up like I did for many years.

[Patagonia]

Have you been to any munches in your area?
Do you know others in the bdsm community that's around you?

This might be a good place to start, to just find out more about yourself, others & what is out there.

PS
We're all wired weird....thank god!!!
I love my fetishes & don't care too much why I have them....its just the way I am!

Patagonia: I've only been to a few [vanilla] munches and don't really know too many people in the community.

I sometimes see the events and want to go, but let nervousness take over and avoid it.
I love my fetishes too, I think I spend too much time thinking "why?" though and I need to get past that. I know I can't change them or make them go away.

[Patagonia]

Munches have to stay kind of vanilla Bec their usually held in vanilla places.
If I were you I'd try to continue to go to munches to make connections & establish yourself. Munches also lead to other invites that won't be advertised. Some places you have to be vetted to get in.
But just going to munches & talking to others might help you feel better about yourself.

Fettishes are not "condoned" or seen as normal in the vanilla world.
To me, IMHO, these are people who live on the surface.
Scratch a little deeper & you'll find the connections you're looking for!

[Onward2wards]

You have sexual preferences. You enjoy holding and being held. Sounds about as "human normal" as one can get, to me.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

You have sexual preferences. You enjoy holding and being held. Sounds about as "human normal" as one can get, to me.

I agree with this +100!!!!

It's perfectly normal to have kinks and fetishes. It's who you are. Perfectly normal stuff.

[1961Survivor]

You're definitely not alone in your kinks, there are plenty of websites available regarding your preferences. The most difficult part is finding a partner that is at the very least accepting of this but they do exist. Have you tried Fetlife?

I am on FetLife - I know my biggest problem is not making it out to many events + meeting people, but I don't always have the time or energy to do so. I don't know why I get so hung up on wanting to explore & experience with a partner.

[Patagonia]

I wouldn't say it's a bad thing to get hung up on wanting to explore. That's the adventure in you. But from what it sounds like is that you lack the time & that's pretty difficult to do Bec getting out or even getting into a relationship takes time.
Which I totally understand.

So maybe you have to do some reorganizing of your time. Prioritize what needs the most time.
Maybe pick one day a week that is for you!! Don't plan anything & try to keep it open.
Now you don't have to "go out" that nite....but maybe just feel like....what r you in the mood for?
A cozy read on the couch?
A night on the town?
An early turn in?
What would make you content? If you give yourself that one nite.

FL is still a good place to make connections without having to go out & socialize.